I’d recently found out a friend of mine and i had mutual feelings for eachother. The only issue is, im not exactly sure if i want to be in a relationship with them. They’re very insecure and they need reassurance very frequently. Ive started part time work and im also not very good at understanding emotions as well, so im not even sure if i actually do like them. I told them i need some time to think about it, but i keep finding reasons to not be with them in the long run because i feel like it will also be very taxing for me. They’ve had a medical record and theyre known to have severe depression. Is there something i can do to find out about how i feel? Or if im the problem?
Dear @user949456
Thank you for writing in to share what you are going through. I think that what you are feeling is understandable and I don’t think that you are the problem at all.
Realising there are mutual feelings can create pressure, especially when you’re unsure of your own emotions and already low on energy. I believe that hesitation often suggests you are honest and aware of your own limitations and capacity.
I have also seen that it is possible to care about someone and still feel that a relationship might be too taxing, especially if they need a lot of reassurance or are struggling with severe depression. Please know that you are not responsible for managing someone else’s mental health, and it’s important to be realistic about what you can give.
To check in with yourself, I recommend that you imagine being with them. Do you feel calm and curious or tense, guilty, and exhausted? If it feels more like pressure than choice, that’s an important indicator of what steps to take next.
I think it was very wise and considerate of you to ask for more time to think through next steps. I see it as showing compassion and respect for both of you. That’s being responsible, too.
You come across as someone who is self aware and attuned to your needs, limits and capacity. I am confident these aspects will see you through and help you reach the best outcome for yourself.