I was bullied badly in secondary school and have had no contact with those people for years but they have been trying to contact me here and there and try guilt trip me for cutting them off and stuff liek that. Recently one of them contacted me again, and I found out he has been talking badly about me to mutual people he recently met. Logically I know I am not currently in danger, but thinking about these people triggers a strong panic-like response in my chest. I keep imagining them spreading rumours, me encountering them at university, being ostracised or even being physically harmed. I think it connects to feeling powerless when I was bullied as a kid. I don’t want these people controlling my emotions or my future anymore, but reassurance isn’t making the anxiety go away. I’d like help learning how to deal with this response.
I’m really sorry you went through that. Bullying, especially sustained bullying, is genuinely harmful and nothing about what happened to you was justifiable.
I’m curious, when those bullies reach out, what do they typically contact you about? Understanding what they’re actually saying might help think through how to respond or whether to respond at all.
I also want to point out that the panic-like response you described makes complete sense. When we experience something threatening repeatedly, our nervous system learns to treat anything associated with that threat as dangerous (even years later, when we’re objectively safer). That’s not weakness/irrationality, it’s your body doing what it was trained to do. This really shows how real and serious the original experience was.
Here’s something worth holding onto though, you’re not that kid anymore. You have agency now that you didn’t have then. You can choose not to respond, block contacts, set boundaries with mutual friends, and handle social situations on your own terms. The powerlessness was real then, but that isn’t the full picture now. Knowing this won’t make the anxiety disappear overnight, but it’s a meaningful shift in your actual position.
On that note, reassurance not working is actually a well-known feature of anxiety. Anxiety tends to respond better to gradual, repeated experiences of safety and to learning how to tolerate and regulate the physical response itself, rather than to logic or reassurance alone. Techniques like grounding exercises or controlled breathing can help interrupt that chest response in the moment. Longer term, like working with a therapist can help you process the original experiences, so they lose some of their grip on you.
You deserve to move through university and your life without carrying this weight. I’d really urge you to reach out to professional support. You can reach out to National Mindline 1771 @ 1771 (call) or 6669 1771 (WhatsApp).
After reading what you shared, I believe it makes a lot of sense for someone who experienced real harm at a young age. Even if you now feel safe, it seems your body is reacting to an old threat as if it’s still there. For example, that tight, panic-like feeling in your chest is a common trauma echo (and not necessarily a sign that you’re overreacting). From what you’ve shared, the mix of fear, anger, and powerlessness you’re noticing is your nervous system recalling what it felt like to have no control back then. Resurfacing feelings, gossip, or attempts to guilt-trip you would understandably shake anyone who has worked hard to rebuild their life.
You’re already doing something important by wanting to learn how to manage your response instead of letting others control your emotional state. Techniques like grounding, naming physical sensations, or gradually unpacking the fear with someone trained in trauma can help your body relearn that the danger has passed. I’d say you don’t need to rush into anything. However, you might also consider whether talking to a counsellor or someone you trust could offer a safer space to process this without bearing it alone. You deserve support that helps you feel steady again, and you can take that step at your own pace.