Is making friends and keeping them supposed to be a skill? Because if it is I guess I don’t have that skill. I’ve been wondering for the longest time now, how some people can make friends easily, almost effortlessly. With every interaction, they can make people smile, laugh, and even befriend them on the spot. They don’t have to be the most extroverted people to be able to interact this way with others. In fact, there are a few people I know who are soft spoken and toward the introverted side, yet still able to get along well with anyone and everyone perfectly. However, there is a small group of people including me, who just aren’t like that. We tried way too hard to fit in, even to the extent we find ourselves becoming a people pleaser. We try everything. From going to our comfort zone to talk to new people, even doing favours for people. But nothing seems to work. It’s like we’re trapped in this hole we can’t get out of. Other times, we feel so insecure about ourselves that when we meet certain people don’t know how to act anymore. there are also times im overprotective of my friends so I don’t like my friends meeting my other friends because I’m scared that the only friends I have will get taken away from me. Many times, I also try to include my friends who may be left out, but in the end I’m the one who gets left out. Those who’ve experienced all this before, know it’s a horrible feeling. Yet, we have no idea how to fix this mess that we’re in. For me, this isn’t a one time occurrence. it’s something that’s been happening throughout my 3 and a half years in secondary school. I’m currently sec 4, and the weight of not being a good enough friend to others is dawning on me worse than ever before. If you’ve read this far, thank you so much for taking time to see this. I’m still navigating this part of my life, and if you could somehow offer any form of support or advice, that would be amazing.
Hey OP,
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with making friends around you. It’s not easy, and I commend you if you’ve tried to get out of your comfort zone to talk to new people. It takes a while to find friends who you can connect and vibe with; not to mention that as we grow up, the people around us will change, too. It’s these different phases in life that can be quite overwhelming…or it can bring in new people who we finally have a connection to.
Back in middle school, I had a hard time adjusting to the new environment. I didn’t know anyone, and I didn’t know how to open conversations with new people. I was lucky enough that in high school, some new people approached me, and I used that chance to just have an ongoing conversation. I still talk to my friends back in high school, albeit not as much.
Come along university, I became isolated again and I was so scared of talking to new people because I just felt like I’m out of place, so instead I just focused on my uni assignments and didn’t really go out of my dorm. It was miserable. And even with the little friends I could befriend, I was also scared that they’d get bored of me when they hung out with other friends without me.
But…at the end of the day, what they decide to do is not within our control. What we can control is how we treat them. Whether our friends will stay or leave us, that’s up to them to decide, and perhaps if they would tell us why they’d leave, then we can use that to reflect introspectively. But I’ve always believed that good friends will stick by you even through your worst moments and would want to see you improve and become a better person. So, if you have those friends in your life, cherish them.
I’m not sure if I’ve given any solid advice, haha. But I do want you to know that it’s not easy what you’re going through, and I wish you the best in befriending new people in your life 
Hey @user2931,
Thank you for sharing the relationship struggles you have been facing. I hear that making friends hasn’t been easy for you, and you’ve tried many ways to befriend others. I also hear that there were times you became overprotective of the friends you have because of the fear of losing them, and that you feel that you have not been a good enough friend to those around you. It certainly isn’t easy to constantly feel this way, and I want to commend you on the effort you’ve put in to try to make friends. That takes a lot of courage, and you certainly have that!
I would say that social skills play a part, but something I find more important is being comfortable with who you are as a person and being who you are to others regardless of how they react. Sure, you won’t be able to vibe with everyone, but the people you’re able to connect with would be genuine, as they’ll accept you for who you are. So just act like yourself when you’re with them. Be the real you. And another important thing is to be okay with not connecting with everyone. There are eight billion people in the world, and there’s no way we can vibe with all of them. So I think as long as you’re comfortable with who you are as a person, that’s okay. Even if there are some people that can’t connect with you, that’s fine. You’ll find others that will.
With regards to the feeling that you’re not being a good enough friend, I think if the people around you are true friends, they’ll accept you for who you are, including your imperfections. Even in your worst times, they’ll reach out to you and ask if you’re okay, and stick by you throughout. And if you mess up big, they’ll let you know. They’ll cherish the friendship to open up and with the intention to make amends with you. So don’t worry too much about it And if you have these people in your life, like @douggydoug said, cherish them.
Hope what I’ve said gave you some clarity and I know you’ll do great! Wishing you all the best as you navigate this stage of your life 
Hiii just wanna thank you both for sharing a short word of encouragement with me : ) rlly rlly appreciate it! While I hope this aspect of my life will improve, im also almost fully convinced that this may be a personality issue for me. I dont think i shared this above, but thats what i think. It’s not so much that i want to be best friends with everyone, but i wanted to be someone people know they can trust, even if i don’t know them. But for now, things seem like anything but what i hoped to be. Also, this thing puzzles me, but theres a group of girls in my class who randomly give me deathstares for no reason at all. Then when we are forced to work tgt, they act all cold to me. This is just one example where others dislike me for no good reason. Or so i thought… reality is, it may be more of my personality that they judge then my outward appearance. That makes me constantly seek reasons to justify why im not able to make friends the way others do and why some ppl just dont like me, even if it means overthinking. Sorry for venting a lot hahah I wasn’t meant to but got carried away :>