i’m 19 in uni and when i started uni, i begin to crave a friendship that are fun, nourishing, a little mischievous, chill, and supportive. but it seems like there’d something about me that always always overthink things every conversations, every interaction i always overanalyse the complexity of the interaction. and every time i want to talk i always think twice and sometimes hold myself back from saying what i want to say or never even say anything because im just so scared. please help me to make friends. i feel super desperate
Hey @centeredraindrop9718, as a uni student myself, it is very normal to crave such friendships as this is probably the last time we will be in a school environment! I hear that you feel extremely cautious approaching friendships and want advice to break free from this tendency. Could you share more about what goes through your mind as you second-guess yourself?
hello, I understand that it can be quite overwhelming whenever we are placed in a new enuvornmwnt to make friends. one thing I always try is to find common ground such as past ccas and hobbies. rooting for you op 
Hey there, thanks for sharing. It sounds like you want something many people want, a friendship where you can relax, be yourself, laugh, be a little silly, and feel genuinely cared for. There’s nothing wrong with wanting that. In fact, the fact that you’re craving it so deeply probably says a lot about how lonely and disconnected you’ve been feeling.
From what you’ve written, it doesn’t sound like your biggest obstacle is a lack of social skills. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of anxiety into every interaction. You’re trying so hard to say the “right” thing, read people correctly, and avoid mistakes that conversations stop feeling like conversations and start feeling like exams.
The hard part is that friendships usually grow through imperfect moments. Through awkward comments, missed jokes, random conversations, and saying things that don’t land perfectly. Most people aren’t analysing your words nearly as much as you’re analysing them yourself.
You don’t have to become the most confident person overnight. Maybe start by letting yourself contribute one more thought than you normally would. Send the message. Make the comment. Ask the question. Not because you’re certain it’ll go well, but because friendship requires giving people something to respond to.
And one gentle observation: when we’re desperate for friendship, every interaction can start to feel very high-stakes. We begin asking ourselves, “Will this person like me? Will this become a friendship?” Instead, try asking, “Do I enjoy talking to this person?” It shifts the focus away from being evaluated and towards getting to know someone.
You’re only 19, and you’re still very early in your university journey. The fact that you haven’t found your people yet doesn’t mean you won’t. There are likely many other students around you who are hoping for the exact same kind of friendship and wondering why it seems so easy for everyone else.
For now, be kind to yourself. You don’t need to perform your way into friendship. The people who will become your friends are not looking for a perfect conversation, they’re looking for a person.