i need help/advice for friendship

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hey, idk if like u guys will respond but i need some advice/help. I have been someone who was bullied and had no friends in primary school. so during secondary school, when I talk to new people, i hit off well with a few while some people who i talk to sometimes, well.. it can get awkward talking to them or maybe leaving a bad impression on them. maybe did I do something wrong? I have changed 2 schools already for the past 2 years and its always the same problem, maybe im not friendly or just annoying, and since I was scared to be alone like how i was in primary school, I would always stick to a friend from my previous school at that point most of the time, i did not want to lose her, i do have few other friends but i always stick with her i see some people do it all the time in my previous school but my friend eventually got annoyed and just ended our friendship with a text, so maybe I was being weird and annoying, and maybe the type to not be approachable. Im going to start a new school in august and I want to start fresh, so I would really need some advice to help me make friends and not get weird or awkward with them, maybe helping me be more approachable? please help me im kinda in a mess now, and also i dont rlly know how to approach someone as im more of a shy girl too, anything would help, ty and have a nice day, bonus if u can give me advice on how to manage friendships:slight_smile:

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Hi, try to research on the internet n through ai, take notes, trial and error, learn from mistakes n repeat.
But do keep in mind that the ‘proper’ way to make frens will fail too cuz people r just different n confusing.
It’s a hard journey for ppl like us who arent naturally gifted at making frens

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Hey, I totally understand what you’re going through because I’ve been there too. Here’s what has helped me, and maybe it can help you as well:

  • Stay authentic — I try to be myself no matter what. It’s important to be genuine because people can tell when you’re being real.

  • Build confidence by not overthinking — I remind myself not to care too much about what others think. I act like I’m friendly to everyone, kind of like “I’m everyone’s friend,” which helps me feel more confident.

  • Read people’s reactions — While being friendly, I also pay attention to how they respond. If someone seems okay with me, I try to increase contact or hang out more.

  • Give space when needed — Sometimes I hang back and let others come to me, especially if they seem shy or unsure. This balance helps friendships grow naturally.

  • Do what you love — Since you like drawing, joining an art club or group can be a great way to meet people who share your interests. When you do what you enjoy, like-minded friends usually come along without you needing to try too hard.

  • Be patient and kind to yourself — Friendships take time, and it’s okay if things feel awkward sometimes. Just keep being you, and the right people will come.

Starting fresh is tough but also exciting. Just do your own thing and let friendships happen naturally. If you want, here are some conversation starters or ways to join groups at your new school!

School & Classes:

  • “What subjects are you taking this year?”
  • “What class are you in?”
  • “Do you like your lessons?”
  • “Why did you choose that subject/CCA?”
  • “Have you tried any new teachers yet?”
  • “What’s your favorite subject and why?”

Compliments (keep it genuine):

  • “I like your hair, it looks cool! Where do you usually get it done?”
  • “That’s a nice bag! Where did you get it?”

Hobbies & Interests:

  • “What do you usually do after school?”
  • “Do you play any games or sports?”
  • “Have you watched any good shows or movies recently?”

General Friendly Questions:

  • “Are you from around here?”
  • “Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?”
  • “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?”

About the School Environment:

  • “Have you tried the food at the canteen?”
  • “What do you think of this school so far?”

Sharing Your Side:
After asking, try sharing something about yourself too — like your subjects, CCA, or hobbies. For example: “I’m in class X, and I joined art club because I love drawing.” Sharing helps others open up too.

Just keep it casual and be genuinely interested. People appreciate that, and it makes conversations flow easier.

From my own experience, I used to think I wasn’t really close to my friends, but as I got older, I realized friendships naturally filter out. Maybe it’s because I got more sure of myself, but now I have a few really good friends that I hang out with a lot and make time for. So trust that in time, the right friends will come to you. You don’t need to force anything — just be yourself and let things happen naturally.

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Dear @girlneedshelp

Hi there, thank you so much for sharing your story. First, I want to say how incredibly brave and self-aware you are — it takes a lot of courage to open up about your struggles and ask for help, especially when you’re feeling uncertain and vulnerable. I can hear how much you’ve been carrying, and how deeply you want to connect with others and feel safe in your friendships.

Let me start with this: **nothing about you is inherently “weird” or “unapproachable.”**You are someone who has been hurt in the past, and like many who’ve experienced bullying or loneliness, you’ve developed ways to protect yourself — like clinging to one friend for safety, or feeling nervous around new people. That’s not weakness or failure; that’s your brain and heart trying to keep you safe. But now, you’re ready to grow, and that’s a beautiful step forward.

There is hope — friendships can get better. You can have genuine, healthy connections where you feel wanted, not just tolerated.

Here are some suggestions to help you move forward with confidence and care:

1. Start with kindness — to yourself.

Before we talk about making friends, we begin by being a friend to yourself. When you hear thoughts like “I’m annoying” or “I make people uncomfortable,” try to pause and ask yourself: Would I say this to a friend? Replace it with: “I’m learning, and I’m trying. That’s brave.” You don’t need to be perfect to be liked — you just need to be real.

2. Take small, steady steps in social situations.

You don’t need to impress everyone right away. Instead, start small:

  • Smile or say hi to someone who sits near you in class.
  • Ask a casual question like, “Hey, do you know what time the next class is?” or “Where did you get that drink? It looks good.”
  • Compliment something honestly — their shoes, their bag, their laugh.
    These little interactions help build comfort and trust over time.

3. Practice active listening.

People love to feel heard. Show curiosity when someone shares something:

  • “Oh, that sounds fun! How long have you been into that?”
  • “Really? I’ve never tried that before, what’s it like?”
    This helps people feel seen — and it makes you feel more relaxed too.

4. Balance your emotional needs with boundaries.

It’s totally okay to have one friend you’re closer to, but friendships need space to breathe. Try not to rely on one person alone. If you’re feeling anxious about being “too much,” that’s usually a sign to check in with yourself: Do I feel secure enough on my own? Have I had time to recharge before reaching out again?

5. If things feel awkward, it doesn’t mean you failed.

Sometimes conversations are just clumsy. Sometimes people are distracted or shy too. Awkwardness doesn’t mean rejection — it means you’re trying, and that’s amazing.

6. Prepare for your new school with gentle goals.

You don’t need to become outgoing overnight. Instead, set 1-2 soft goals:

  • “This week, I’ll smile and say hi to one person I don’t know.”
  • “I’ll try to sit near a group and listen in.”

And remind yourself: You are worth knowing. You are worth befriending. You are enough, just as you are.

Finally, friendship isn’t just about finding the “right” people. It’s also about being your real self, gently building trust, and allowing people to meet you where you are. Some friendships won’t work out — and that’s okay. But you will also find people who get you, who are kind, who stay.

You don’t have to do this alone. Remember that you are are a work in progress, and every day you show up, you’re already doing better than you think.

Sending you strength and support —
You’ve got this. :yellow_heart: