Recently my dad and wife have a conflict which escalated.
My wife recently just gave birth and she is in a whirl of emotions. While I was changing my daughter’s diaper, my dad was beside and casually made a comment ’ your father so useless, dont know how to change your diaper properly, dont know how to take care of you.’
My wife heard it and was angry but she didnt talk about it until we were alone. I just brush it off with my wife and said that it is a norm for my dad to make this baseless remarks.
The next day, my wife told me to tell my dad not to belittle me infront of my daughter as this would have a snowball effect on how my daughter view me in the future. I went out and told my dad that, but he just walked away in anger. The following day, he called me and started shouting and screaming at me, saying how my wife is bad, and I am slowly siding my wife and do not respect him as a elderly/father. Then he starting saying that it is fine, you are moving out soon. I’ll continue living my life.
??? I am now stuck in the middle.
My wife has never said that my dad was a bad father, in her eyes, my dad was one of the kindest and nicest father she has seen.
I didnt tell my wife that my dad screamed at me and all as i didnt want her to view my dad as this kind of person.
I am stuck, what should i do?
Hi @user3024 thanks for sharing the dilemma you are facing involving people who matter to you. And it is definitely tough to be facing this dilemma being uncertain on how to proceed. Firstly, you might want to notice that you’ve been trying to balance the feelings and emotions of your dad while keeping into account your wife’s views at the same time. Just wanted to acknowledge that for you.
If you are open to it, you might want to consider a short activity which would bring in more clarity to this situation. You could start by taking few deep breaths and gently observe how do you feel in your body when you think of this situation and the feeling of “being stuck” comes in. After that, you could simply ask yourself, “How do you want this situation to be different”. You might start to get some clarity on how to proceed or what to do. You’ve got this.
hi @user3024 ,
Family dynamics are complicated, especially between in-laws.
Consider bringing everyone on a day trip or do something fun and memorable together. This may help create a stronger bond and understanding between in-laws.
I am really curious to what other users may suggest
Hey @user3024 ,
Thank you for sharing this on the platform. It sounds like you’re caught in a difficult situation, and not sure what to do. It is understandable that you feel this way, especially since it involves people you care deeply about. I think one way of approaching this is maybe to have a chat with your dad to understand why he has such thoughts about your wife, and clarify with him any misunderstandings he may have. Talk to him from a place of understanding and listen to why he feels the way he feels. Afterwards, you can talk to your wife about it as well so she understands his feelings too. Would you be willing to try it out?
Hope this helps and you got this 
Hey, that sounds like such a tough spot to be in—I can really hear how you’re feeling pulled between your wife and your dad, and it makes sense you’d feel stuck. You clearly care about both of them, and you’re trying to protect the relationship on both sides, which shows how much you value family.
Your wife’s feelings also make a lot of sense—she’s fresh out of giving birth, she’s vulnerable, and hearing someone she respects belittle you in front of your baby would naturally hit hard. And at the same time, your dad probably sees your response as “choosing sides,” even though you were just trying to set a boundary in a respectful way.
hey @user3024, thank you for sharing all this… it sounds like you’re in a really tough spot 
. you’re doing your best to navigate a highly emotional situation, while trying to be a supportive husband, a respectful son, and a new father all at once. that’s a lot, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.
tbh, i think your wife’s reaction is vv understandable. her concern about how your daughter might internalise your dad’s comments shows how deeply she cares, not just about your daughter but also you (and how you’re seen as a father). i actually think that’s really sweet.
at the same time, i can imagine how painful and frustrating it must’ve been when your dad reacted the way he did (ie. walking away, then later shouting and accusing you of disrespect) 
. it seems to me like his response may have come from a place of defensiveness and hurt pride, esp if he’s not used to being confronted or having his words questioned.
moving forward, maybe you could try having a calm follow-up convo with him, when emotions aren’t so high? here are just some thoughts about how that convo could look like (putting myself in your shoes):
- start off with a disclaimer to minimise defensiveness and encourage openness! eg. “ik our last convo didn’t go over well, and maybe i could’ve approached it differently. but i really want to talk things through again, because it’s important to me that we all get along.”
- from there, you could gently let him know that while you respect him, you’re also hoping to build a home environment filled with mutual respect, esp in front of your daughter. part of that includes respecting the tone and language used around her. you’re not choosing sides – you’re just trying to create a healthy space for your new family.
- it might also help to invite his POV, so he feels heard and not bulldozed
- maybe end the convo by reiterating that both you and your wife truly respect him, and that you hope he’ll continue to have a close, loving r/ship with your daughter. even though you’re moving out soon, you’d still love for everyone to feel like one big, supportive family.
btw, it’s completely understandable that you chose not to tell your wife about your dad’s behaviour – sometimes we try to protect the image of those we care about. that said, if it ever starts to weigh on you, it’s okay to open up to her. she might be more understanding than you expect, and it could really ease some of the emotional pressure you’re carrying.
this is a really tough situation, but it’s clear that you’re trying your best. be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time, okay? you’ve got this 