my parents are expecting different things from each other when it comes to chores. but neither of them want to talk to each other. i typically hear and empathise with my mum more but tonight, i heard my dad’s side and i very much empathise with him too.
i don’t want to be the one managing them and their responsibilities… how do i get them to talk to each other? how can i create a space where they don’t get irritated with each other?
Hey @user9596 . Ugh, I can imagine how tiring it must feel to be caught in the middle. It’s like you’re carrying the emotional load of both sides when really, it’s something they need to work out between themselves.
I’ve been in similar situations too, and it can get so so frustrating like sometimes I just want to pull my hair out thinking, “Argh!! Why can’t you just talk to each other?!” The truth is, some people really struggle with that.
3 things have helped me that you might want to try (only if you’re open to it):
Gently nudge them to handle it themselves at a calmer timing and space.
When either parent vents, you could say: “I get it, Ma/Pa, but I think Ma/Pa needs to hear this directly from you. Maybe both of you can chat about it after dinner when things are calmer?” That way, you’re listening without being stuck as the messenger.
If you want to help as a bridge, keep it light.
This isn’t about managing them, but sharing how it affects you. For example: “I love you both, but I feel stressed when I’m stuck in the middle. It would mean a lot if you two could talk to each other directly.” Or even just: “Can you two try talking about this together, please?”
Offer a simple structure.
Suggest something small that removes constant back and forth like a chores list, alternating responsibilities, or dividing tasks by preference. A “system” can reduce the need for repeated arguments.
It doesn’t solve everything overnight, but sometimes having a small “system” or something concrete takes the tension out of constant back and forth.
Only if your relationship with them allows, try adding a little humour or lightness can make it less heavy too. And if it ever feels overwhelming, you could see if another trusted family member or relative can step in as a mediator, so you’re not always the middle person.
At the end of the day, you’re reminding them that you’re their child. And most importantly, you don’t have to carry this alone. It’s okay to set boundaries.
Also, it’s amazing how you’ve already shown a lot of awareness and care by reflecting how to support them. Give yourself credit for that, okay? You’re doing the best you can in a tricky spot, and that’s more than enough! 
Hey @user9596
Thank you for having taking the courage to open up about your situation, doing so is truly admirable.
From your words, I can hear the exhaustion and frustration in your words. I want you to know that what you’re feeling is completely valid. Managing family dynamics and expectations can be incredibly draining. I want to check in, how have you been yourself, how is your heart, are you alright?
I want to offer a gentle perspective, there’s no pressure to take it if it doesn’t resonate with you. Sometimes when we care deeply about our family, we can find ourselves taking on the role of mediator or manager without realizing the toll it’s taking on us. What if you allowed yourself to step back from trying to coordinate or fix things between your parents? Your wellbeing matters just as much as theirs, and you can’t pour from an empty cup💙
Establishing a clear household schedule for chores could help reduce the mental burden of constantly negotiating who does what. Having set expectations might take some of the emotional charge out of these daily decisions.
But honestly, the most important thing right now is that you’re taking care of yourself. Setting clear boundaries for your mental health is also a crucial thing. Not meaning you shut people out, but you keep your true self in.
Many hugs sent over, you are doing great yeah💙
Hello @user9596 thank you for sharing this. It really sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed being stuck in the middle between your parents. I just want to say it’s incredibly kind and thoughtful of you to want to help them talk to each other.
You’re right, it shouldn’t fall on you to manage their responsibilities. One idea that might help is suggesting a simple household schedule. Sometimes having things written down can take the pressure off conversations and reduce misunderstandings or tension about chores.
But more than anything, please do make sure you’re creating space for yourself too. It’s totally valid to take a step back. Being caught between two people who aren’t seeing eye-to-eye is draining, and it’s okay to protect your own energy.
Just know you’re doing such an amazing job navigating something really hard. Be gentle with yourself. Sending you lots of care!
Its not great to be caught in between. A relative used to tell me to intervene when parents ‘fight’ but that would just up stress. My social wker said try to bochup