I’ve been feeling so down recently and I wanted to feel some comfort from my parents. But whenever I express grievances about school life in front of them, they would just ask me to ‘deal with it’ and then invalidate my feelings by saying that the working life is so much worse. Also, they are constantly so busy at work and it always seemed that they never have time to spare for me. I understand how difficult it is juggling work and family, and I have always been very proactive in helping them with the chores at home. But it always seemed that they are unavailable for me whenever I need someone to talk to, and it can really feel lonely at times. How can I get my parents to spend more time with me? How can we understand one another better?
I feel you. It’s hard sometimes because everyone is tired at the end of the day (from work or school). Try to make plans for a meal with them over the weekend or tea break. Start with small chats, and try asking how they (parents) deal with school grievances back in their days?
Hi, I understand what you’re experiencing, sometimes it’s difficult for all of us when we’re tired from school or work and wish to have someone provide us with a listening ear. It would be best to hear from them and check with them about what they’re going through at work too, but personally, I think it’s a possibility that your parents may be so preoccupied and stressed with work that they might not realise how it’s affecting you.
If I may share a suggestion, maybe you can try to find a time when they are not stressed or distracted with work to ask them if they can spare you some of their time to address this. From here, you can hear from them first about what it’s been like at work for them, both so you can provide them with a listening ear too, and also better understand what they’re going through. Afterwards, you can share how you feel about the entire situation and seek their understanding on the matter as well, and maybe propose some ways for them to spend more time with you (e.g., through a quick meal, or watching a show together).
I think it may also be good to let them know how exactly you would like them to support you in different situations, so they can be more aware of how they should react. For example, if you wish for just a listening ear when you’re expressing your grievances about school life, maybe you can also ask them beforehand if they’re able to simply listen to you and allow you to share this with them. This may be helpful in setting (for the lack of a better word) expectations or boundaries during each conversation. If you’re willing to, you can also let them know that they can do the same!
It may sometimes be difficult to understand others since all of us have different worldviews, ways of dealing with situations etc. but I hope you’ll be able to talk things through with your parents and work out the best way for you to support one another
Hi! I understand how you are feeling right now! I can relate how you feel where sometimes the lack of love is there due to factors such as busy schedule which lead to lesser time spent among one another and parents feeling too lethargic, which they prefer to have time on their own. I feel that you can spend more time with them by knowing when is their ‘free’ time, and try your best to slot in interesting activities during those period. For example, making breakfast for you and your parents, and eating together would definitely path the new way to create bonding because you can talk to them during breakfast, by starting to ask simple question and responding neutrally along the way. This would help to forge closer relationship between you and your parents. Also, you can start small talks when you are with them, by asking more about them such as listening to how was their day going along and giving suggestions if you feel that could help to ease the problem. These small act of kindness would definitely bring you a long way as you try to fix your relationship with your parents! If these methods do not work, I feel that it the right time to speak out the truth about the current situation and bringing out ideas to create the bonding despite the busy schedules. With this, I hope you can spent quality time with your parents and bring in the positive atmosphere that would brighten your day when you are with your parents! Stay safe physically and mentally!
It’s really unfortunate that your parents brush off your grievances. Yes work can be tiring ( I have been there believe me) but you are their child and a wonderful one that is. People always invalidate the child’s feeling and it can be really detrimental. I also think we all have to remember that parents are not perfect and that’s why some of them do things like this. Not justifying their actions, just trying to provide that perspective.
Like all of the other suggestions, I guess you can be the one to start listening to their problems and hopefully they will start doing the same for you. I also hope you don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be the “best” kid out their because everyone has their limits too. I felt that kind of loneliness and eventually found comfort in people outside of my family. Sometimes that’s just the way it is. If they still refuse to listen to you then you’ll have to move on from that and look to other people for comfort. Kinda sucks but that is the reality for some of us. Just know you’re not alone in this! Also, it’s very normal for us to want to be heard and listened to by our parents so be kind to yourself if it doesn’t go the way you expect despite trying. I have talked to my therapist and psychiatrist in the past about this and learnt that it’s never wrong to feel this way. I wish you all the best
I feel and hear you and understand where you are coming from. Parents are hard sometimes, to be honest, and it seems hard for them to understand the topic of mental health and equate it to being mad. I am so sorry that your parents aren’t being so supportive at this moment but please know that you are doing so well and u are proactive in helping and reaching out instead of keeping things to yourself. Please do share your thoughts with friends/ family or even school counselors if your arent parents aren’t listening but you can always come back here and there would always be support and understanding. You are amazing and keep doing you!!
Hello… when the sch calls my mum because i can’t keep myself safe, she’d call me naughty. She said my suicidal ideals and stuff is me being naughty. She said when i self harm i was also being naughty
She called me kuku (crazy) also… I wish she’d understand me more. I really want her to understand me and i also want to understand her
It really does feel lonely not having an ear to listen by ur own mother. I dunno what to do
I’m sorry to hear that @arya.z. It seems like many parents may struggle to understand the mental health concerns that their children have. What do you think may have caused her to react this way?
I dunno… i think is just the stereotypes… people think that people struggling with their mental health or have mental illness are crazy or possessed… that’s why we need to raise more awareness because mental health/illness is just as similar to physical health and i wish people or even better, parents would understand it :((
yeah I agree, there’s still a lot of stigma for mental health in our society now. I think it takes time and in your case, it might also be hard for your mum to understand about mental health overnight. Besides your mum, is there anyone else in your family that is more accepting of mental health conditions? Perhaps your mum might be more open to hear it from someone else.