Quarreling with my 5 months pregnant wife

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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Hi ,

I have frequent quarrel with my pregnant wife lately. My wife is 5 months pregnant and we had a big fight on Sunday night the cluminated into emotional breakdown for her.

It started when i had finished cooking dinner and was serving the food. I had place the chopstick at the part where the meat touch the middle part of the chopstick. She repeatedly told me until she had to raise her voice to tell me not to do it. I became offended and angry at her ‘attitude’ and thats how the quarrel started. It eventually became a shouting match and vulgarities came out from her mouth.

She then say that she is pregnant and i still put her under emotional stress. At that point of time i did not know what happen to my brain but i just blurted out “Then dun give birth to the kids”

She started to breakdown and hit her own tummy. She cried the whole night and i felt very remorseful. At that point of time there was nothing i could do but just keep apologising to her for the words and telling her how i regretted saying those in a fit of anger.

I know i should not put my pregnant wife until constant emotional stress but sometimes i just cannot stand the way she talk to me when i made a mistake.

To me , i felt that the mistake i made was a small mistake but because i had made many small mistake. it adds up to a big issue. i felt that there was no need for her to display such kind of attitude

I feel that i need a avenue to constantly rant out instead of ranting to my wife in case similar things happen again. What should i do to better control my emotions ?

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Hi @user2557,

First, I want to recognize the care and effort you’re putting into supporting your wife during this pregnancy—cooking meals, trying to meet her needs, and reflecting deeply on this conflict shows how much you love her and your growing family. It’s clear you want to do right by her, and that intention matters deeply.

Pregnancy is a time of immense physical and emotional change, not just for your wife but for you as well. Hormonal shifts, anxiety about parenthood, and the stress of adjusting to new roles can easily amplify tensions, even over seemingly small things. This doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid, nor does it excuse hurtful words—but it does help explain why emotions might feel so raw and reactions so intense right now.

Key Reflections for Healing:

  1. Behavioral Responses ≠ Lack of Love
  • When stress runs high, how we communicate (tone, frustration) often overshadows what we’re trying to say. Your wife’s raised voice or your outburst in anger don’t erase the care you have for each other—they’re signals of unmet needs or overwhelming emotions.
  • For her, the chopsticks might have symbolized a need for control in a time when her body and life feel unpredictable. For you, the criticism might have felt like your efforts were dismissed. Both perspectives are valid.
  1. Small Mistakes, Big Feelings
  • You’re right that “small” issues can pile up, but try to reframe this: It’s not about the chopsticks. For your wife, these moments might tap into deeper fears. For you, repeated criticism might trigger feelings of inadequacy. Addressing the underlying worries beneath the arguments can help you both feel heard.
  1. Repair Is Possible
  • Your remorse and apology matter. It’s okay to revisit the conversation when emotions settle:
    “I’m so sorry for what I said. I don’t truly feel that way—I was overwhelmed and reacted terribly. How can I support you better?”*
  • Acknowledge her pain and share your own: “I want to be there for you, but I struggle when I feel criticized. Can we find a way to talk about these things without hurting each other?”

Managing Your Emotions Moving Forward:

  • Pause Before Reacting: When tensions rise, take a breath and ask yourself: “What am I really feeling right now? What does she need?” Even saying, “I need a moment to calm down so I can listen better,” can prevent escalation.
  • Find Your “Rant Outlet”: Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or joining a prenatal support group for partners can help you process frustrations without directing them at your wife.
  • Teamwork Mindset: Frame challenges as “us vs. the problem,” not “me vs. you.” For example: “We’re both stressed—how can we make this easier together?”

A Note on Self-Compassion

You’re navigating a huge life transition, and conflict is a normal part of that process. Be gentle with yourself—growth takes time. Consider reaching out to a couple’s counselor (many specialize in prenatal support) to help you both communicate in ways that honor your love and shared goals.

You’ve already taken the hardest step: reflecting on this and wanting to improve. That’s what loving partnerships are built on.

Wishing you both peace and connection as you prepare for your little one’s arrival,

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Hi you mention support, is there a support group with counselor that i can join as a’rant’ outlets

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hi @user2557 ,

I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing. It sounds like both you and your wife are under a lot of stress, and it is affecting your relationship. I can understand what caused you to quarrel with your wife, I want to let you know that your feelings and emotions were all valid.

It is great that you recognize the need to control your emotions and find a healthier way to express your frustrations. Just like @FuYuan_Affections mentioned, multiple factors can make pregnancy an emotional period for both of you, so it is important to find ways to support each other through it (such as expression of feelings without blaming or criticizing - such as saying “I feel hurt when you raise your voice”, instead of “you always shout at me”). Also understand that her reactions might be heightened due to the pregnancy.

I do encourage you to remind yourself to have a calm and open conversation with you wife the next time something triggers your anger. For a start, you can try stepping away for a moment (tell your wife first) to cool down when conflicts arise.

Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and the exciting future ahead. I wish you all the best, and hope you have a happy & healthy baby!

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i guess you can look up for more information on Antenatal depression. But you can try seeking help from your nearby family service centre.

But due to many FSC is cluster/zone based, cant really recommend you where to get help from.

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Hello! Thank you for sharing about your feelings and problems, I can tell that this recent emotional incident has not been easy for you. Fighting with a loved one must be a complicated situation because even though you do not want to hurt them, fighting always brings out a more blunt and angry side of a person.

You mentioned that you and her have been having frequent quarrels lately, may I ask what do these fights mainly center around? sometimes, fights can revolve around underlying issues that has not been addressed. You can correct me if I’m wrong but from the post, I read that your wife feels very upset when put under emotional stress. Maybe her fights are caused by her dealing with transitions in her life as she is carrying the child? And i noticed you said you did not appreciate the attitude she uses to speak to you, maybe the fight can also be caused by how you feel disrespected as a partner? You can consider talking about this with you and your wife to figure out what is going on by sitting down, creating a calmer and more patient environment and then openly communicate. This may be able to help you work towards sorting the out the problem!

All the best with this :slight_smile: