Wife pissed off at me for being unable to feel baby kick

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Hi

My wife is currently 26 weeks pregnant. So far she is able to experience the baby kick. However , when i alway put my hand on her tummy I am not able to feel the baby movement and kick. Many times , she tried to put my hands on her tummy whenever she feels a lick so that i can feel the kick as well but i always never feel it.

Whenever i cannpt feel it , i will let her know or jokingly tell her that our baby daughter does not likes me or she is unhappy with me cos i alway make her mummy angry. My wife take all this lightly and sometimes would jokingly agree with me as well

However today, i tried to feel the baby movement again by putting my hand over her tummy. After a few tries of moving my hand around her tummy. I still could not move it. She got pissed off and said that i touch her tummy lightly thats why i could not feel it and i should stop complaining of being unable to feel the baby movement. If i cannot feel it , then dont do it. She said that even my actions of trying to feel for the baby movement can piss her off as well

I felt angry at that point in time when i hear her saying that. The mood became awkward. What was suppose to be a happy moment in trying to feel the baby movement became a source of unhappiness for my wife.

Subsequently i stop touching her tummy and i walk away. Things got worse after that when i try to help her to measure her blood sugar with the glucometer and i did not manage to take a good sample which make her feel angry even more and therefore solidify her conviction that i am alway unable to do her assigned task well everytime

I feel so frustrated. Why am i unable to fufil a simple task everytime or be able to feel what a normal father should feel such as baby movement

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Dear @user2557

Firstly, congratulations to your wife and you. The journey your wife and you are currently on is exciting and also full of unknowns.
By sharing what you’re going through — it’s clear how deeply you care for your wife and your baby daughter, and how much you want to be present in this journey. What you’re feeling is completely valid. You’re trying your best to connect, to support, and to share in the little moments — and when things don’t go as you hoped, it can feel discouraging.

Not feeling your baby’s kicks yet doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It often takes time — some dads don’t feel distinct movements until the third trimester, or only catch fleeting moments depending on the baby’s position or timing.

Please know that it’s not about your effort or your touch. It’s just how unpredictable pregnancy can be. And it definitely doesn’t mean your daughter doesn’t love you or that you’re falling short.

It’s also understandable that your wife may have reacted strongly in the moment. Pregnancy can be physically exhausting and emotionally overwhelming — and even small things can feel frustrating. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate your efforts or love you — it just means she’s tired and stretched thin right now.

At the same time, your emotions matter too. It’s okay to feel hurt, frustrated, or helpless when things don’t go the way you hoped. Supporting your wife doesn’t mean silencing your own needs. It means finding a balance between being present for her, and being kind to yourself as well.

There are so many ways to support her gently:

-Let her know you’re trying not to complain, but to connect — that you want to be part of this journey with her.
-When things get tense, try giving space while staying emotionally close. A soft, “I know it’s hard right now, and I’m still here,” can go a long way.
-And when she’s ready, maybe revisit those joyful attempts to feel the baby kick, with no pressure or expectations.

Most importantly, please remember this: There are plenty of opportunities to bond with your child — not just now, but all throughout their life. Holding her for the first time, soothing her to sleep, making her laugh, - these are all moments of connection that matter just as much, if not more. I encourage you to be kind to yourself.

You are already showing up with love, patience, and care — and that’s the heart of being a good dad and husband. Take it slow and enjoy the journey. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @user2557,

It’s completely understandable to feel disheartened when something so tender and meaningful like trying to connect with your baby ends up feeling like rejection or failure.

What you’re experiencing is part of the unpredictable, emotional landscape of pregnancy, where both partners are doing their best without a guidebook. The fact that you keep trying to bond, that you care this deeply and want to be present, says more about the kind of father you are than any fleeting missed kick ever could.

Your wife is likely navigating a complex swirl of hormones, physical discomfort, and unspoken fears of her own, and it’s possible her frustration wasn’t truly about your actions, but the exhaustion of the moment. These misunderstandings can cut deeply when emotions are high, but they don’t define the love between you two. You’re showing up with vulnerability and effort, and that matters.

There’s space for repair and softness after this, and you both deserve the chance to feel connected and supported again.

Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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hi @user2557 ,

Congratulations on the baby!

I can understand how frustrating the situation is, and how you may doubt yourself and feel incompetent. Please do not take it as you are being a bad and incapable husband.

Like the 2 others have commented before me, hormonal changes in the mother throughout her pregnancy can cause strong and emotionally charged responses to seemingly very minor things. I would encourage you to give your wife some time to cool off, then talk to her nicely. Pregnancy can be stressful at times, and is also when communication & understanding is very important. I would like to repeat again, you are not a bad and/or an incapable husband.

I hope you have a healthy baby daughter! All the best! :slight_smile: