Hello, i stumbled upon this website while searching for my symptoms. (trigger warning for sh)
I’ll avoid beating around the bush too much
i’m a teenager, late teen but still studying
so about a few weeks ago, i’ve been numb. I feel like i don’t know how i feel about situations, but sometimes i still break down although not for long. This doesn’t happen when i’m out, it’s only when i get home this dread comes back. I’ve been bad at dealing with my emotions and i c^t myself to feel something. I’ve been feeling very s^icidal lately, but not in an active sense, i hope my life can be taken away from me.
I really doubt this is the reason but, i found out in my 2 year relationship, my partner has been cheating on me. I only cried that day when i found out but after that i really feel nothing, i’m not sad i’m just numb i suppose.
this isn’t the first time i’ve dealt with my emotions like this, I’ve dealt with it since i was 10 years old. I’d get told by my parents that i’m ok and that i’m going through a phase, i’d get told i’m selfish if i take my own life by them, i asked them for a therapist or asked them if i could get a diagnosis but again, it’s just something everyone experiences.
I found this website while i was trying to validate myself by searching if i have any signs of mental illness, it’s hard to narrow down what i did for the past few weeks but all i could say is that i feel very numb.
when my school handed out papers for us to be tested if we had any signs of depression/anxiety, i felt scared. I ended up saying i didn’t fit those criteria. I know its very hypothetical for me to say i’m scared to get help but here i am typing this for hope. I feel, guilty, my friends are very supportive of me and care for me yet I simply can’t myself.
My situation is worse than before, I had to force myself to shower, I felt repulsed when i need to eat although I haven’t ate for over 26 hours. I only eat 1 meal a day. The only thing keeping me for c^tting myself is that I have decided to pick up cosplay again after exam and those reveal parts where i usually cut as it is more hidden. I’m too much of a coward to take my own life.
I’m not going to list out everything that i went through in my life, i suspect i have some sort of trauma or something. But i can’t get a diagnosis and it really crushes me honestly, i believe that in order for me to have my feelings validated i should have a reason for it, like being diagnosed.
I hope this is on topic, this is my first time using this website. I’m honestly using this as my last hope. Although i won’t do anything but I hope i’m not overthinking.
