I don’t know why but i hate emotions that arent positive . I hate feeling sad , angry or exhausted at other people or myself , i tend to pretend that i dont feel anything towards a certain situation that woukd have affected other badly , like when my friend decides to no longer want to talk to me for no reason i felt nothing i told myself that i am not angry or sad . When my dance teacher and relatives kept critising my body even though i am at a normal healthy weight i told myself i cant be sad or angry at them and that feeling negetives towards a person is bad . I dont want people to see me as overdramatic or troublesome for sharing my probelms . When my close friend choose someone else rather than me i felt sad and i wasnt angry at her but myself for feeling emotions towards someone who couldnt care less about me . I dont know how to love someone , no matter how hard i try to cry infront of someone and tell them all my problems i cant even with my best friend of 8 years . I hate feeling anything towards a person this started ever since i was young . Whenever i started opening myself up to people they start realising i am not as perfect as they thought i was . They wanted a therapist who doesn’t burden them with their problems and i wanted a friend . They all leave in the end , even my piano teacher that i known since i was a child told my mother she didnt want to teach me anymore because i was a slower than the other kids , i didnt feel anything when i heard that . I started gaslighthing myself that i was happy all the time , that i should be grateful that people want to hang out with me . I try to show signs of distress to my friends at times hoping at least one of them would think i need comfort but usually they never notice . They think i am a strong person who doesnt need help or attention because that was ehat i showed to them . But in reality i just want someone to ask me for once if i was okay , or that i am good enough. I am sick of always being there for others but no one is there for me when i need them the most . Because i thought that not feeling emotions were a normal thing i started despising people for being emotional , when they cried after they did badly for a exam i cant help for think they are being pathetic for showing others this imperfect side of them . I hated it when people felt angry because their friend ditched them because i was so used to forgiving everyone around me . Maybe i am the problem , i just hate people who dont present themselves as strong and independent . This may sound weird but i expect people to present to me their perfect self if they expect me to do the same . Why should i be the independent one shouldering all their problems if they cant do the same ? I just hate emotions , is there something wrong with me ?
Hi @Lauren,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such personal struggles, and I want to acknowledge how strong you are for doing so.
It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden by trying to suppress your negative emotions and present a perfect front to others. This must be incredibly exhausting and isolating. It’s completely understandable to feel frustrated and overwhelmed by these feelings.
I want to reassure you that feeling emotions, whether they are positive or negative, is a natural and essential part of being human. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or exhausted. These feelings don’t make you weak or imperfect; they make you human.
It’s also understandable to feel hurt and disappointed when people you care about don’t seem to notice your distress. You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged and supported.
There isnt anything wrong with you, you are just learning to discover and understanding what is the best way to deal with your internal conflict.
Here are a few steps that might help:
- It’s important to recognize and validate your feelings. Allow yourself to feel without judgment.
- Consider writing down your thoughts and emotions in a journal. If you feel comfortable, talk to a trusted friend or family member about what you’re going through.
- Be kind to yourself. Understand that it’s okay to have emotions and that they don’t make you weak or imperfect. Everyone has moments of vulnerability, and it’s a natural part of life.
I understand that opening up can be scary, especially if you fear rejection or judgment. But remember, true friends will accept you for who you are, including your imperfections.
Lauren, I noticed that you have also made similar posts on other channels, it’s clear from all your posts that you’ve been struggling with similar issues around your emotions and vulnerability. It’s incredibly tough to feel like you have to suppress your feelings and present a perfect front to others.
You’ve shown incredible strength by reaching out and sharing your thoughts. It’s not easy to navigate these challenges, but your willingness to seek solutions shows your resilience. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. We’re here for you, and we care about your well-being.
Please take care of yourself, and keep us updated on how you’re doing. You’re doing a great job by seeking help and working through these feelings.