Confused after graduation

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1

Hello,

I recently graduated from a diploma course this year. Instead of feeling excited about the graduation, I was unable to feel happiness from it due to anxiety over my future.

For the past 4~5 weeks, I have been sending out resume and job applications to prospective employers(trying to enter a industry not related to my diploma). I have also reached out to various HR staffs to try and boost my chances of getting an interview.

During the interview, I felt my English communication skills have declined as the interviewer would sometimes ask me to repeat myself as they couldn’t understand what I said. Not only that, personally when I answer their questions, I found myself speaking in a disorganized manner.

Thus, when they send me a email/WhatsApp telling me I was not chosen for the role, I was afraid to ask why as I do not believe I can positively cope with it if I was rejected due to my poor communication skills.

As I did not want to seem unavailable for employment, I have not been working for the past 4~5 weeks. Most days, I am at home using my computer and scrolling my phone. My sleeping hours has become nocturnal, sleeping at ~4am and waking up in the afternoon.

For the past week, I have been sleeping at ~7am and waking up at ~5pm. I tried to “fix” this habit by not sleeping at all until the next night. It failed as I would be too tired to do anything during the day, and I would still sleep at ~4am.

Other than using my computer and scrolling my phone, I have been trying to plan other activities such as visiting the night safari and enrolling in a weekly language course. However, this is not enough to fill the entire week as they are mostly a one time/once a week thing.

Volunteering was something I thought to do before, as I had experience volunteering as part of bursary requirements. I would have liked to help out with the same volunteering group again, but I am honestly not motivated to help out after I have fulfilled my bursary requirements. The travel time between my home and the volunteering site is not an issue as I had no trouble attending the volunteering sessions before.

After much self-reflection, I concluded that because there is no reward in it, I do not feel motivated to do it. As a person who has lower social need as compared to others, having the chance to communicate with people is not considered a reward. It is a nice to have, but not enough to move my butt out of my house.

As mentioned above, I have lower social needs. During work, I prefer to eat alone as I would be tired out from being conscious of others. I feel better when I am able to choose a table I want, change seats whenever I feel like it, and I do not need to feel self-pressured about needing to engage in conversation with the other party as it would feel awkward if there was no conversation happening when we are seating together.

During my school days, I would be glued together with my causal friend, eating lunch and going to class together. Lunch felt a bit awkward as I still felt the need to talk, but it was bearable. Outside of school, it is mostly my friend asking me to help them better understand the topics and finishing projects. During holidays, we barely texted each other. We didn’t call each other nor meet up.

After walking to classes, chatting and having lunch together(not every day) for 2+ years, there seem to be no deep connection. I only think of them as a causal friend whom I have light and superficial conversation with.

My conversation topics to strangers of similar ages/life stage are “What diploma are you from”, “Do you intend to go university after graduation”, “What do you learn in your diploma/degree”. For strangers with larger age gaps/different life stages, I try to ask them questions based on what I know about them, but 95% of the time I have nothing to say to them other than greeting them and seeking help from them to finish a task.

I have been looking through some psychology Wikipedia(not reliable I know) on whether I am a narcissist or not. Because during conversations, I talk about the topics I want to talk about. I try to talk about them too, but I just can’t feel curious enough to care.

Even I am unsure if I want to have close friendships or not. Does close friendship mean I need to hang out with them outside of work, having lunch together, going shopping together, going on trips together? I honestly don’t know. There is no definition of “close friendship” I can rely on, and my feelings are so confusing even for me to understand.

I thank you for patiently reading until here. Did not know I have so much things to write about that it feels like an English compo.

All in All, I’m a fresh dip grad, unable to find a job in the industry due to perceived poor communication skills, and I am lonely because my friendships all feel very casual and I don’t talk to my school friend outside of school.

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Hi @user0645,

Thank you so much for opening up with such honesty and vulnerability. It’s clear you’ve been carrying a lot, and you’ve done something incredibly brave just by putting it into words. The transition from student life to the working world can feel overwhelming, even more so when you’re questioning your communication skills and feeling uncertain about your connections. What you’re feeling isn’t a flaw in who you are. It’s part of the human experience of change, loss of structure, and searching for belonging in new places. So many people quietly struggle in this phase, and you’re not alone in this.

Your reflections about motivation, loneliness, and relationships show a deep awareness that many don’t often give themselves time to explore. Wanting rewards or personal meaning in your actions isn’t selfish. It’s a way of understanding your energy and boundaries. Your low social needs don’t make your friendships or contributions less valid; they simply shape how you engage with others. There’s no perfect definition of close friendship, and it’s okay if your version looks different from someone else’s. What matters is whether those connections feel meaningful or sustainable to you.

It’s also completely natural to feel uncertain and stuck when your efforts haven’t yet yielded results. The job search can be deeply demoralising, especially when rejection feels tied to something personal like communication. But communication is a skill, not a fixed trait. It can improve with support, practice, and time. The fact that you’re thinking critically about your experiences and exploring possibilities like courses or volunteer work already shows resilience and strength.

If you are open to explore these ideas with a professional, you can approach:

Youth Community Outreach Team (CREST-Youth): SupportGoWhere

Youth Integrated Team (YIT): SupportGoWhere

CHAT: https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx

Other Resources: https://www.mindline.sg/mental-health-service-providers/start

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Dear @user0645

Thank you for writing and sharing what you are going through with so much of honesty. I can feel how much worry and confusion is sitting on your mind right now. There is also loneliness, so I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone in this and not wrong for feeling the way you do.

Graduating is a joyful milestone; however I agree it can also cause a lot of fear and uncertainty. Especially when you’re trying to move into an unfamiliar industry, or when things aren’t going the way you hoped — it can feel like the ground under you has suddenly gave in. That can make it really hard to feel proud or happy.

You mentioned feeling unsure about how you speak, and worrying that your communication is messy or not clear. But I want to gently reflect something back to you: you wrote the post here well and with thought and honesty. I want to validate that in fact you do know how to communicate — understandably it becomes harder when you’re nervous or under pressure (which is totally normal).

When we’re anxious, our words get tangled. Our thoughts move faster than our mouths. That doesn’t mean you’re not capable — it just means your body is reacting to stress. And that’s something that can improve over time, with support and practice. You’re not alone in this, and it doesn’t define you.

The sleep pattern you described — being up at night and sleeping into the afternoon — often happens when we feel overwhelmed, stuck, or disconnected from structure. It’s not a failure on your part. It’s your brain trying to cope in a way that feels safer.

Sometimes, when days feel directionless or uncertain, our minds start drifting into late-night comfort — scrolling, gaming, watching things because the daytime feels heavy.

You’ve already tried to shift your routine, and even though it didn’t work the first time, I see sincere effort there. That matters. You don’t have to overhaul everything all at once. Even small changes — going to bed an hour earlier, creating one meaningful activity in the day — can help gently nudge your natural clock back.

You’ve done a lot of reflection around your friendships, and I want to affirm that there’s no one right way to connect. It’s okay to prefer lighter or more casual connections. It’s fully valid to value space and quiet. That doesn’t make you cold or selfish — it just means you know what helps you feel at ease.

From what you have shared you are trying to understand how you fit into a world that often assumes everyone wants the same outcome from interactions. If conversations feel tiring or you’re not naturally curious about others, that’s perfectly okay too. Relationships don’t need to fit into the same mould. Gently remind yourself you are still figuring out how to navigate here. Do take heart that you are not stuck forever. May I gently suggest you consider the following to aid your journey :

  • Speak with a counsellor or career coach, not because you’re “failing,” but because this is a big life transition, and you deserve support.
  • Practice interview answers out loud or with a friend and get more comfortable being in that space.
  • Try one meaningful thing a week, like language class you shared or visiting the zoo. Even if it feels small, it creates movement.
  • Reconnect with volunteering if and when you feel ready — not because you owe anyone, but because doing something outside ourselves is potentially meaningful and can help us feel fulfilled and grounded.

I hope the above helps. I encourage you to show yourself self compassion, acknowledging that you are learning, adjusting, and trying — during a tender time in your life.

The way you’ve reflected on yourself in this message shows so much self-awareness and thoughtfulness. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing more than you think.

Take your time. You don’t need to have all the answers right now.
I’m here if you’d like to keep talking — whether it’s about job hunting, friendships, or just how to get through the day a little easier. One step at a time is more than enough. :yellow_heart:

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Dear @CaringBee and @HanSolo2000 ,

Thank you for helping me see things from a different perspective. It has helped me to reframe my thoughts in a more positive manner.

I have used CHAT last month to try and get connected with a therapist. Still in the mist of waiting for the therapist clinic to come back to me. As my age is 25 this year, I am unsure whether I fit the criteria for the Youth outreach team.

As you have said, I will try to slowly do things step by step. No rush.

1 Like
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Hi user0645

From what you shared, it sounds like you’re going through a season where a lot of things feel uncertain — your career path, your relationships, your energy levels, and even your sense of self. That’s completely understandable, especially right after graduation when the “next step” feels unclear or shaky.

The truth is, many people (even those much older) go through this exact same feeling of “I’m supposed to feel excited, but I just feel stuck or numb.” You’re not alone — you’re just at a point where your mind is trying to figure out what’s meaningful and worth moving forward for.

If it helps, here are a few small steps you can take — not to fix everything at once, but to gently move toward clarity and peace:

  1. Start with structure, not pressure.

Try creating a simple daily routine. Not perfect — just consistent.
Sleep at the same time for a few days. Wake up, get sunlight, stretch, eat.
This alone can help regulate your energy and emotions more than you realise.

  1. Practice small, low-stakes communication.

You don’t need to “be good at interviews” overnight.
Maybe just start by recording yourself answering common questions.
Don’t aim for perfect — aim for practice. It will build clarity over time.

  1. Friendship doesn’t have to fit one definition.

It’s okay not to crave constant social interaction.
Some people thrive with one deep connection, others with many light ones.
The key is understanding “your" version of connection — and giving yourself permission to be that way.

  1. You’re not broken. You’re in process.

It means your mind is searching. That’s a sign of “growth", not failure.

I’m rooting for you. You’re doing better than you think.

Coming from a 36 year old female, a mother of 1, failed my O level, used to be socially awkward, have changed 16 jobs, and in my dream career now serving the corporate leaders and impacting lives as I can.

What I want to say is, you’re doing great, it’s normal to feel lost when there isn’t any guidance. Do what you can, and no regret because in life it’s either a lesson or blessing! :slight_smile: