Hi, I’m new to this group here. Just hoping to find some support. I’m 45 years old and got diagnosed with glaucoma 3 months ago. In my left eye, it’s in the mild stage with about 97% of vision left. In my right eye, it’s in the moderate-severe stage with about 77% of vision left. On my right eye, there is a permanent blurry effect on the upper half of my right eye. The doctors believe this is vision loss which is non-recoverable. These past months have been difficult for me. I am currently on prescribed eye drops twice at night and once in the morning to control my eye pressures. My pressures are actually considered low, but apparently the doctors said I have normal-tension glaucoma. The optic nerves in both eyes are also damaged, with the right eye optic nerve in a worse condition. I’ve always been an active person and have been going regularly to the gym for the past 20 years+. The doctors at Singapore National Eye Centre says it’s ok to do my upper body workouts but a second opinion at a private practice says I should stop all my upper body workouts due to a risk of increasing eye pressure during my gym workouts. I’m at a loss as to which doctor to listen to. I still go to the gym but I’m fearful and very wary of straining myself. Even after a gym workout, I’m overthinking if my eyes are becoming more blurry or if I had overstrain my exercises. I’m considered a skinny frame and have been going to the gym to bulk-up. I have considered giving up my gym activities, but the thought of shrinking in size and back to my skinny frame makes me upset and demoralized. I really don’t know what to do.
I have a wife and teenage daughter too. The thought of going blind in future makes me often feel miserable, lost and depressed. While I know that perhaps I can still rely on my left eye which has still good vision, the thought of losing my right eye is very hard to accept. My goals, dreams and plans for my future and retirement seem distant and uncertain. I try not to think about my eye condition but the permanent blurriness on my upper right eye is a constant reminder. I used to be a positive, happy and driven person but this glaucoma diagnosis ha changed me. I tend to want to isolate myself even at home with family, and I just find myself pretending to be ok so that my wife and daughter won’t get worried. It’s very hard, and I’m literally trying to live day by day. I try to ignore the negative thoughts but it sub-consciously keeps coming back. Life seem bleak and uncertain now, and this disease is not curable. I can only delay the progression of glaucoma. I find myself often trying to cope with my overthinking thoughts and anxiety, and often feel depressed. My job itself is quite hectic but I pays quite well. I feel I have no choice but to continue working as I have to save up for the future should my condition become much worse. The reality is it will be difficult for a blind or visually-handicapped person to find work.
There are so many things that go through my mind. My eyesight, my future, the life I had planned with my wife, the plans I had looked forward to seeing my daughter get married and having grandchildren. All these plans seem distant and uncertain now. I’m not sure how long I can tolerate living like this. Just feeling very low and depressed on a constant basis.
