hi everyone! recently my friend shared her recent struggles with intrusive thoughts and have given me permission to share her experiences here.
she told me that she ignores most of her intrusive thoughts, but there was this one particular intrusive thought that is taboo and it really disturbed her a lot. she questioned why she paid more attention to the thoughts compared to her other intrusive thoughts, and wondered if there is some truth to what she was thinking.
she also expressed guilt and shame for having these taboo intrusive thoughts, and claim to imagine how her family, friends, and future partner would react if they knew she had these kind of thoughts. she also seems to have quite low self-esteem and gets easily anxious.
it would be great to get some insights about intrusive thoughts and how to cope with them, so i can better help my friend with this!
Hello @claire_123 thank you for sharing this. It sounds like your friend is going through a really tough time, and it’s great that she has someone like you who’s so supportive and respectful of her experience.
Intrusive thoughts, especially the taboo ones, can feel incredibly disturbing and confusing. It’s very common for people to feel shocked or ashamed when a thought seems “out of character” or morally wrong. But the truth is, intrusive thoughts don’t reflect a person’s values, intentions, or desires.
It’s also common for people to fixate on one intrusive thought more than others, especially if it touches a sensitive area, like morality, relationships, or identity.
It might help to reassure your friend that intrusive thoughts are just thoughts and not facts, not secrets waiting to be uncovered, and definitely not signs that she’s a bad person. The guilt and shame she’s feeling are understandable, but they don’t mean she’s done something wrong.
You’re already doing a lot just by listening, not judging, and being there for her. Sometimes just knowing someone believes in you, and understands that thoughts are not the same as actions, makes all the difference.
Thank you for being such a great friend to her, and I hope you remember yourself to take care of yourself too. Sending lots of support to you and your friend!
Dear @claire_123
Thank you for writing in on behalf of your friend who is struggling with intrusive thoughts. Your friend is fortunate to have a caring person like you in her life, I can see you are looking out for her and helping her. Well done!
It’s very human for our minds to generate thousands of thoughts daily. Do assure your friend that many thoughts are not facts, they are randomly generated by our mind in an effort to make sense of what’s happening around us. It’s understandable your friend is feeling concerned about intrusive thoughts about a taboo subject. Encourage her to put some distance between the thought and her by saying “My mind is having the thought that …”. Instead of getting caught up in that thought, encourage her to practise mindfulness and choose to refocus on the present moment. By grounding and re centering, those thoughts are kept in the background like radio chatter. This method helps in managing thoughts including intrusive thoughts.
Do share with your friend and do keep reaching out here for support, if needed.