Coping with loneliness in adulthood

I feel that as I grow older I have lesser friends to talk to. People generally say it is normal and better to have lesser friends as you grow older. But sometimes it feels super lonely when you have 2 friends only to talk and they have their own busy adulthood life as well. And you find yourself not having anyone to confide to when you have a bad day at work. I don’t believe in friendships at work. People at work tend to take advantage of you or your kindness when there’s something they want out of you.

Ive been so depressed at work and I don’t feel good talking to people at work about it. Because they like to gossip about others alot. And I don’t want to be part of it as much as I get caught into it. I wanna talk to my other 2 friends, but they have alot on their plate. I feel so lonely and depressed that it is showing itself at work. I get into burst of anger and irritation that I can’t control it. To make things worse Ive overheard my colleagues talking about me and saying I am annoying. Not that I meant to be this way. I have been super overwhelmed at work and I have noone to talk to.

I need help and some coping strategies.

1 Like

Hi @bulan03

Thanks for coming here to share your concerns with us. It sounds like you are feeling rather down about life and it is difficult to navigate as you don’t have an outlet to share your feelings. I want to affirm you for being so courageous to share your thoughts with us.

Well, it is true that most people have lesser friends as they grow older. It is possibly because we get more selective of our choices in friendships and connections, thus spending less time and energy with people whom we feel might not be helpful or supportive to us. Also, it might be having similar concerns like you have, about not wanting to bother your friends due to their personal life. It shows how much you treasure your friendships and how considerate you are.

In another perspective, if you try opening up to a friend, there could be a possibility that your friend is feeling this way too. He or she might be afraid of bothering you, thus not talking to you about their concerns, so it might be a 2-way communication instead. We could all think the same way but somehow it divides us rather than connects us. Maybe you can consider sharing your concerns and see how it goes.

Perhaps you can also take some time to reflect on your work environment as well. From your sharing, it sounds like your work and colleagues have been making you feel bad about your situation. It is definitely hurtful to hear people say things like that. Do you think you would be open to ask them openly about this? If you do, you can consider calming yourself first before speaking with them so you do not sound defensive or emotional. Express your feelings about how you felt when you heard it and seek clarifications/feedback from them. If the feedback is constructive, you can take them into consideration and look into what can be done to make things better. If you find that you do not agree, it is okay to set boundaries and distance yourself too.

Do give yourself positive affirmations from time to time. When you are aware of your strengths, you might feel better about yourself. You can consider journaling as a way to know yourself better too. It also might help in stopping the negative spiral of emotions.

I hope this has been helpful. Do let us know how else we can be of support to you!

1 Like

Feels like you’re facing two issues - one about loneliness and one about workplace toxicity.

On loneliness, I definitely agree that it’s harder to make friends when you’re older. We make most of our friends during school life when everything was more chill. Do you have hobbies outside of work? That could be a good place to start making new friends.

On being overwhelmed at work, is it the lack of social connection that makes you feel depressed or is it just the work or workload itself? If it’s about work or workload, maybe can try talking to your manager? If it’s about social connection then it might be a bit harder, need to build trust and rapport over time with your colleagues.

Either way, I hope you find something here that is helpful for you.

Hi @bulan03 I totally understand how you’re feeling. As we grow older, our friend circles often shrink, and it can feel incredibly lonely, especially when friends are busy with their own lives. Overwhelming weekdays at work, surrounded by colleagues we’re not close to, can make things even more depressing.

It’s really important to find some outlet for your feelings. Try exploring new places, picking up new hobbies, and making new connections. Building friendships takes time, but these activities can help distract you from current stress and might lead to meaningful relationships. Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek help. Hang in there! :yellow_heart:

(post deleted by author)

hi all, im deeply grateful for the advices you’ve guys given. i went to the doctor today regarding an entirely different situation and the doctor talked to me about my anxiety level since i had a past record before.

the doctor has referred me back to see psychiatrist to help me out with my issues. i was deeply saddened when i realize i have to go back. felt like i am losing myself again. but i think it is for the better. my relationship with people around me haven’t been good. i think its best i talk to a therapist again. its gonna be hard for me. but i hope things can get better.

really appreciate the replies, im trying my best to calm myself every day.