Is it normal to not have friends?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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I’ve always been envious of people who seem to be surrounded by friends all the time. I’ve never had any success at making friends. It’s a weird complex because when I’m alone (which is most of the time) I crave companionship, but when I’m spending time with friends I feel low on energy and it feels draining to have to keep the conversation going. I’m 25F, graduated uni, made a few friends here and there but barely any into adulthood. All my friends are either homebodies (they want to stay at home all the time and are happy being alone so it’s hard to get them to spend time with me) or have other closer friends. Basically I don’t have any friend group that I’m part of. I also have depression and recently, got suicidal thoughts so it’s hard to step out of my comfort zone as well.

I just want to know how I can make friends as a recently graduated adult. I don’t have a job at the moment and stay at home all day so I’m not sure how I can meet new people either.

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Hi user1285

Thank you for sharing very courageously what you are experiencing. Your emotions are valid and fully understandable. Making friends as an adult, especially after graduation, can be challenging, particularly when you’re dealing with feelings of loneliness and depression. However, please do not be discouraged as many of us who go through similar experiences and with small changes, you can connect with others and build meaningful friendships. Here are some strategies for your consideration :slight_smile:

Understanding your emotions
Recognize Your Emotions: It’s important to acknowledge your feelings of loneliness and the complexities of social interactions. Many people experience similar struggles, especially during transitions like graduating from university. Understanding that you’re not alone can be comforting.

Address Mental Health: Since you mentioned experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts, seeking professional help is crucial. A therapist can provide support and coping strategies to help you navigate social situations and improve your mental health.

Strategies for Making Friends
Start small: Join the community centre groups. For example, dancing classes, hobbies, or sports activities. Do part-time or temporary work in the interim as you search for jobs. These are opportunities to meet new people, learn new skills and enjoy yourself.

Volunteer: Volunteering for a cause you care about can introduce you to people who share your values. It also provides a structured environment where social interactions can feel less pressured.

University event: Many university hold alumni activities. These settings can facilitate natural interactions and provide common ground for conversation.

Building Connections
Be Open and Authentic: When meeting new people, try to be genuine. Share your interests and experiences, and be willing to listen. Authenticity can foster deeper connections.

Practice Patience: Building friendships takes time. It’s normal to feel drained or anxious during social interactions, especially if you’re not used to them. Allow relationships to develop naturally without forcing them.

Focus on Quality Over Quantity: Rather than trying to make many friends, focus on cultivating a few meaningful relationships. This can lead to more satisfying connections.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: If you find yourself thinking negatively about your social skills or worthiness, try to counter those thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that everyone has quirks and insecurities.

Talk to Trusted Individuals: If you have family members or acquaintances you trust, consider sharing your feelings with them. They may offer support or even help you connect with others.

By taking small, manageable steps and seeking support, you can gradually expand your social circle and find fulfilling friendships. You can do this! :heart: