I’m struggling with balancing my work and personal life, and it feels like I’m letting myself down. When urgent work tasks come up, I end up having to reschedule plans with friends, which disappoints them. Unfortunately, my friends aren’t very understanding, so I find it hard to commit to plans in advance because there’s always a chance something might come up last minute. I genuinely make an effort to find time for them, even working late to clear my schedule, but sometimes unexpected issues arise, and I have to cancel again. Now, one of my friends is passively upset despite my multiple apologies and asking if we can meet nearby instead. I feel really lost about how to handle the situation.
I’m also feeling a deep sense of emptiness in my life. It seems like everything revolves around work and fixing other people’s problems, while my own remain unresolved. I feel isolated—there’s no one there to lean on when I need support. I don’t want to show my despair or vulnerability to my family because I don’t want to make them worry.
Thank you for the courage in reaching out and sharing what you are currently experiencing. Your feelings of disappointment and guilt around work-life balance struggles, unpredictable work schedule and not very understanding friends are valid and understandable. This has contributed to you feeling emotional isolation and a sense of emptiness.
Please know that your struggles are real and balancing work and personal life is challenging and a common concern among many of us. I can also see that you’re making an effort to prioritise friends but plans may change at times due to exigencies.
For better and sustainable Work-Life Balance, I suggest you could:
Set realistic boundaries: Communicate work constraints to friends.
Schedule personal time: Prioritize self-care and relaxation.
Learn to say “no”: Set limits on work tasks.
To build Friendship, consider:
Open communication: Explain work demands and apologize sincerely.
For emotional support I encourage you to consider seeking professional counselling. In a safe space, you can openly dialogue and discover what you want to achieve in life in all areas, take stock take at where you are currently at and prioritise steps to take to achieve more holistic self development. Identify among your friends and family those who are more trustworthy and non judgmental, and able to provide a source of comfort.
I also encourage you to prioritise self care:
Prioritize relaxation: Engage in calming activities.
Personal interests: Pursue hobbies or passions. These can be with groups, too.
Self-compassion: Practice mindfulness and self-kindness.
Please know that you are not alone, and your well-being matters. Small steps can lead to positive change. Keep at it, tweaking and adjusting as you move forward.
I relate so much to what you’re saying and wanted to say thank you for echoing so many of my own struggles Just wanted to say you’re definitely not alone in this!! I hear how frustrating it has been for you to be exhausting yourself for work demands, putting in effort to make time for your friends but still having to disappoint your friends. And I also can relate to how guilty and upset you must feel when you had to cancel on them.
First off, I’m no expert on this matter but having been through something similar I’ll like to encourage you to sit with your feelings about this and try to understand what they are, so that you can better address them. Some things I’m picking up from what you said are:
Guilt - for letting your friends down and not spending as much time with them as you would like to
Disappointment - in yourself for not upholding your promises
Misunderstood - that your friend doesn’t seem to recognise the effort you’ve put in to try to make your meet-ups happen
Shame - I’m sensing that you feel ashamed that you are struggling with this balance and don’t want to show that to your family members
Anxiety - worry that you may lose the friendship that you treasure very much because of what happened
Of course, I could be wrong, and this is not exhaustive. But I think being able to name those feelings, and the thoughts you have around them, could help you better decide what is bothering you the most and how you want to resolve it.
It also sounds like you need some help establishing boundaries at work. This could sound daunting and you could feel uncomfortable asserting them depending on how supportive your company culture is. However, small steps could go a long way and the initial discomfort you face when saying “no” at work is sometimes necessary to help you have a healthier balance between work and personal life.
A practical tip I’ve found very helpful in passively telling my colleagues that I don’t want my personal time to be infringed upon is to add “out of office” blocks for personal appointments in my work calendar, even if they are outside regularly office hours. So if anyone sends a meeting invite during those times they will get an automatic rejection message. You could put a vague description like “dinner plans” if you don’t want people to know exactly where you’re going. Another passive signal you could send out is to set automatic “notifications are turned off, will reply tmr” types of status messages / auto-replies to remind people when they send instant messages to you outside your regular office hours. Not sure how useful these tips would be for you cos it really depends on culture, but I hope that this could help you start to establish your own boundaries at work! Take care, and know that I’m here rooting you!!
take a job w lesser random OTs? i mean its easy to suggest but hard to execute. After realising that connections w people are more important than work, i’m trying to find an industry that has a 9-6.30pm and dont bother me outside that hours
Hello! I’ve found myself in your position before with regards to work, and I know how it feels to carry such a heavy feeling with you.
Firstly, at risk of repeating the great advice that has already been suggested by the rest, I think it’s important to draw boundaries at work if you’re doing a lot of things outside of your job scope. I’m not sure how your workplace operates and how much you’re doing, but if it’s really overwhelming and you constantly find yourself doing things outside of your job scope, you should communicate it to your boss/colleagues. I’m someone who prioritises work too so I know doing that(expressing boundaries at work) can feel like you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage (for promotion, or you may feel guilty etc.), but if you’re feeling a deep sense of emptiness in your life and fixing other people’s problem, then it’s definitely a sign that something needs to be changed. You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup, and if your boss wants a productive employee he or she needs to understand that you need your breaks too
Secondly, I don’t really know the dynamics between your friends and yourself, but have you tried communicating the situation at work and most importantly, how this situation has been making you feel? Maybe they’re unable to understand because they’re unsure of how you feel. If they still remain upset even after you’ve clearly communicated:
your situation at work
why work is important to you at your current life stage
how much they matter to you and the guilt you feel for not being able to spend time with them
Then I think it could be time to reevaluate your friendships… Life is already as tough as it is, and a good support system is essential. Jiayou! Feel free to reply and update us if you need more advice
Just wanted to say you’re definitely not alone in this!! I hear how frustrating it has been for you to be exhausting yourself for work demands, putting in effort to make time for your friends but still having to disappoint your friends. And I also can relate to how guilty and upset you must feel when you had to cancel on them.