Hi. I have trouble getting over a fwb. He was really sweet to me and I started falling for him in the midst of the fwb. He confessed to me but I rejected him back then because I didn’t know him that well. I initiated the fwb. When he abruptly ended fwb and just be friends, I went ballistic. I was crying every day, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him all the time. I tried to seduce him when we’re having group activities together because I am still in denial of However my intention of being friends with him is misaligned from his. He just wants to be platonic. I tried to flirt with him when we’re doing group activities because I am still in denial and wanted to try to win him back. After the activity he texted me and said I made him uncomfortable. Everyday my brain is thinking about initiating a chat with him online, he engages but rarely initiates. I have anxious attachment, my mind is always anxiously waiting for him to reply my messages. I feel like I have lost every ounce of self-respect for behaving like this. I have no one to talk to irl bc this is meant to be a secret relationship and I don’t want to invite judgements from my friends. How can I cope with all this emotions?
Hi @user3095 It sounds like a lot of big feelings that can be intense. I hear that you are aware that you have an anxious attachment, and this can affect how you are emotionally in a relationship.
These emotions and behaviours can be intense and confusing – and while it feels like you have lost self-respect, what you’re going through is valid. But it also doesn’t have to always be this way. You’re being very brave and taking the step to recognise your attachment style, how you’ve been affected, and also the behaviours you want to change.
But change is often best done with others. I imagine it must be rather lonely as well to not be able to tell your friends. You’re feeling all these big emotions but don’t have anyone right now with you. I’m wondering, would there be a friend you can tell? Perhaps someone who is not a mutual. You could also opt to anonymise your fwb and focus on what you’re going through.
In the meantime, that feeling of losing your self-respect sounds really painful. Perhaps what are some of small ways that you can show love and respect for yourself? This can be little acts, such as giving yourself positive messages or going to eat something you like. That part that is looking for attachment is feeling a lot right now, but we can start small to reassure that part of you 
hey @user3095 —
you’re carrying a lot, and it’s completely understandable that your heart feels torn. losing someone who made you feel seen and special, even in a way that was messy or uncertain, can really shake your sense of self. and the fact that this was all kept quiet probably makes it even harder — like you’re grieving alone and can’t even name it out loud.
it sounds like you didn’t expect to fall for him, but when you did, it was already too late — and now your mind keeps circling back, trying to rewrite the past, trying to hold on to a “maybe” that’s no longer there. that’s not weakness that’s an attachment system crying out for connection.
you’re someone whose body and brain are screaming for relief, who is trying to stay close to someone who once made you feel less alone. but chasing that closeness when it’s not being returned — it’s starting to hurt more than help.
what if we shift the question from “how do I get over him?” to “how do I come back to myself?”
maybe this is not about just him. maybe it’s about how hard it’s been to feel chosen, to trust love, or to feel safe when love leaves.
i hope you can find just one person you trust, even if it’s someone online or in therapy, to talk through this with. you shouldn’t have to carry the shame alone. it’s okay to be heartbroken. and it’s okay to want more. you’re not broken — you’re just really, really human.
we’re here, and we see you. if you want to talk more, you’re not alone.
Hi @user3095 it sounds like your heart is holding so much right now…
wanting someone who is no longer available, especially when the connection felt real- can be deeply painful and confusing
You don’t have to be hard on yourself for how you’re reacting…these feelings show how deeply you care, not that there’s something wrong with you
it might help to take things one day at a time..even one small act of care for yourself each day is a powerful step 
I hear you, and it’s okay to feel all of this. you’re allowed to take your time to heal 
This is part of the experience people go through when trying out fwb relationships. I get attached easily too and fwbs won’t last long anyways as theres no commitment. My experience as a guy is that the girl is usually quite emotionless one when leaving as they have so many guys waiting for her to choose from
Hello, thank you for sharing with us, it sounds you are going through a lot. I understand it is overwhelming and it may be difficult to open up to other people about this as well, if you have any thing that you want to get off your chest, you can also share here if you are comfortable 
and perhaps you can also try to take a breather for yourself too, by going out on walks or engaging in your hobbies. rooting for you OP 