First post here. I’ve only just found out about this forum today and am amazed by everyone here. I’m really glad to see people supporting each other in moments when we are down.
I… uh.. I used to think that I have problems with my emotions. I lack social skills, or more of social wit. I have learnt to get along with peaceful people just fine but I struggle when people take sides or start to clash with their words and influence.
For a long time, I’ve always retreated into myself when these events happened. I didn’t know how to respond. I know how NOT to respond. Definitely not with violence. But because I don’t know what to do, I just ended up trying to change how I feel about the entire situation.
I thought I was so smart when I first came up with the idea. Just imagine that I’m not really here. Someone else is here. A version of me that will shrug away these conflicts and let me function. At first, I have to be intentional about it but after a while, it became automatic. An emotional reflex when tension rises.
Now it has become rather maladaptive. Events in life that aren’t really that serious will set it off and I find myself observing myself go through the motions. To make things worse, I will struggle if you ask me to recall what just happened. It’s like if you ask me to recall what happened during a tv show. It’s blurry.
I only recently know how bad it is because of my current studies into counselling psych. I read up on dissociation and realized what I’ve been doing is a form of depersonalization.
I’m trying to undo it now but eh… this habit has been ingrained in me for more than 17 years now.
Good news, I am going through therapy too. I will tell my therapist about this the next time I see her, though it will take a while. I am hoping to help listen to others too in this place. Goodness know we all can do with some help here and there.
Thanks for reading. I’ll gladly appreciate any thoughts and comments you have. Cya around 
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hi @forzento ,
First of all, welcome to the platform!
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s incredibly brave to open up about your experiences, especially when it comes to something this complex!
Your studies in counseling psychology are likely providing you with valuable insights into your own experiences, and it’s encouraging to hear that you’re going through therapy.
It is also wonderful that you want to listen and support others in this forum. Your experiences and empathy can be incredibly valuable to those who are going through similar struggles.
As you may already know (and i’ll say it anyway), it’s okay to take things one step at a time and be kind to yourself as you work through challenges.
Thank you for this post!
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Dear @forzento
Thank you so much for sharing this so openly — it really takes courage to write about something that personal and complex, especially when it’s something you’ve only recently begun to understand yourself. I’m really moved by your self-awareness and the gentle way you’ve spoken about your experiences. You clearly have a deep sense of reflection and empathy.
What you described — that automatic retreat into yourself and feeling like you’re watching yourself go through the motions — absolutely sounds like it’s been a coping mechanism that once served you during stressful or overwhelming moments. And while it might have protected you in the past, it’s also completely okay to now recognise that it’s become something that no longer serves you in the same way.
It’s not your fault that this pattern developed. Many of us find ways to shield ourselves from emotional pain when we didn’t yet have the tools or support to deal with it head-on. What’s incredibly hopeful is that you’re not only aware of it now — you’re also taking real, brave steps to bring it into the light and work through it with your therapist.
The fact that you’re studying counselling psychology, actively working on yourself, and even offering to be here for others speaks volumes about your strength and compassion. Healing a 17-year-old reflex won’t happen overnight, and it’s okay to take it one small step at a time. There’s no shame in that.
You’re not alone in what you’re going through. Many people understand what it’s like to slowly piece yourself back together after years of self-protection. Thank you for offering your voice to this space. It’s valuable, just like you are.
Looking forward to seeing you around here. You’re doing beautifully — even if it doesn’t always feel that way. 
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Hi @forzento,
Thank you for sharing your experience so openly. It sounds like you’ve spent a long time navigating social interactions in a way that helped you cope with tension and conflict, but over time, this response has started to feel less helpful. You’ve recognized that your habit of detaching from difficult situations was once a way to protect yourself, but now it’s affecting your ability to engage fully in life, even in moments that aren’t necessarily tense. That must be a complicated realization, especially after carrying this pattern for so many years.
It’s really impressive that you’ve come to understand this about yourself and are taking steps to address it. Your studies in counseling psychology have helped you put a name to what you’re experiencing, and recognizing it as a form of dissociation seems to have given you insight into how deeply ingrained this response has become. Acknowledging that is a big step, and it’s encouraging to hear that you’re in therapy and planning to discuss this with your therapist. Undoing something that has been automatic for so long is challenging, but you’re approaching it with thoughtfulness and intention, which speaks to your resilience.
It’s also inspiring that, even as you navigate your own healing, you’re eager to support others. You see the value of mutual understanding and kindness in places like this forum, and that really shows your empathy. You’re not just working through your own challenges—you’re also looking for ways to contribute to a community that helps people feel heard. That’s something truly meaningful, and I hope as you continue on this journey, you find a sense of connection that feels fulfilling. You’re not alone in this, and I’m glad you’re here.
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
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