Hi, I came out of a relationship about 3 months ago and I recently discovered that my ex moved on very fast onto someone new. Given that our relationship was not very long and just a few months, I still felt hurt and vulnerable when I learned of this news. Initially, I was coping quite well with the breakup until I learnt of this. What’s worse is I might see them in real life at a religious place we both go to. Is there any way for me to deal with this and to mentally prep myself for that scene? What if at that point I’m really feeling very overwhelmed?
First of all, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us on this platform. It takes a lot of courage to be open about your feelings, and I commend you for that.
I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re going through this challenging situation. Breakups can be tough, especially when you discover that your ex has moved on quickly. I affirm your feelings, and I want to let you know that it is normal to feel hurt and vulnerable in such circumstances, even if the relationship was relatively short.
The prospect of running into your ex at a shared religious place can undoubtedly be anxiety-inducing, hence I encourage you to prioritize your own well-being during this time.
I would like to share some strategies to help you cope with these emotions and prepare yourself mentally for the possibility of seeing your ex:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: This is a period of grief for you, so I encourage you to allow yourself to feel and process the emotions you’re experiencing. If you need to cry, just cry. If you need to roll around in bed and feel sad, it’s okay too. It’s okay to grieve the end of the relationship and the shock of their new involvement with someone else.
Practice Self-Compassion: Please do be kind and gentle with yourself. I hope you will understand that healing takes time, and it’s okay to not be completely over the breakup yet. You are doing your best
Set Healthy Boundaries: If seeing your ex at the religious place is causing you some distress, do consider talking to a trusted friend or family member who can accompany you and provide support. It’s also okay to establish some personal boundaries to maintain your emotional well-being.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: I believe these techniques can help you to reduce anxiety. You can try deep breathing exercises, meditation, and grounding techniques as they can be particularly helpful in managing overwhelming feelings.
Positive Self-Talk: Try to challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and empowering ones. Please do gently remind yourself of your own worth and the potential for a better future. You can try out this activity here for a start: Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg
I encourage you to focus on your own healing, by continuing to engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. You can invest time in self-care, hobbies, and focus on your own personal growth.
Lastly, If your feelings become too overwhelming or persistent, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can provide you with specific coping strategies and emotional support. The professional will be able to journey with you through this season of your life and help you cope better.
I want you to know that it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it. Do let us know how you’re doing and coping, and keep us updated on your situation.
Take care and hear from you soon.
Thanks for sharing how you’re feeling at the moment about your breakup. It must have felt terrible when you learned that your ex has moved on so soon. I relate with what you shared and I want to affirm you that it is normal to feel vulnerable upon hearing this news. I understand why you’re worried about how you will react if you were to bump into your ex. It was difficult enough to imagine your ex with someone new, let alone experiencing it in real life.
Nevertheless, I am happy to hear that you’re already thinking of ways to prepare yourself emotionally for it. It shows that you’re committed to your own healing, which I find admirable.
If you don’t mind me sharing from my personal experience, what I find helpful is the imagery of a wave. While going through a breakup, there are often moments which remind us of the past relationship, the ex and what it could have been. And in these moments it felt like I was hit by a wave of emotions. However, like the waves, these moments will pass and the intensity of the painful emotions will also subside. While we can’t avoid getting hit by the wave, what we can do is to be kind to ourselves when we’re hit by it. This may look like smiling through the pain while we’re outside and then going home to cry after. But that’s okay. I hope you know that you can take your leave anytime you feel overwhelmed and find a space where you can re-calibrate.
While there’s no fool-proof way of preparing yourself for the scene, I hope it helps when you remind yourself that the pain will pass, like how the wave will eventually subside. Feel free to share more of your healing journey with us here on the platform, we’ll be here to listen.