When I was younger, decades ago, I did some really bad stuff. I said horrible things, stole, made lots of mistakes and other unspeakable things. So many years have passed and I havent forgotten nor forgiven myself. Many times I had the opportunity to be on the spotlight, teach, do art, have an online presence. But I didn’t as I feared those I hurt would find me and I would have to face them, get defamed and ruin the relative peace I have been far away, and live again those moments I regret.
I wish I would believe in a God so he could forgive me and I could live my life free of the guilty feeling, shame and fear.
Any advice for me? How does people deal with this? How can I move on?
It takes a lot of courage to face and acknowledge past mistakes and harmful behavior. For that alone, well done. You have allowed yourself to feel vulnerable by facing up to your past. One of the toughest things to do, in my opinion.
I agree that the weight of guilt, shame, and fear is overwhelming. You have reflected deeply and your desire for forgiveness and relief is deeply understandable.
I want to share that I hardly know a person who did not regret some of their past actions. It is the quality of being human. To make mistakes.
Here are some pointers to help you reduce the guilt and shame which is affecting you in the present moment:
1.Continue acknowledging your past actions and learn from them. Understand you were likely a different person then, with different circumstances and experiences. You did at that time what you believed was the right thing to do. You probably did not know better at that time. But now in the present moment, you do know what is better. Focus on the present and do better in whatever way you can.
2.Show self-compassion. Is being self-critical helping you or hurting you? Is what you are doing now or not doing now getting you to what you want in your life? Forgive yourself and take steps not to repeat those wrong actions. Do what you can in the present moment to improve, amend or change what is in your direct control. Say sorry as a start.
Seek support. Consider therapy to work through your feelings and brainstorm strategies to better manage guilt and shame.
4.Reframe your self-talk. Instead of beating yourself up and focusing on past mistakes, mindfully focus on current actions and on becoming a better version of you.
Self-forgive first. This itself is a process and it will take time. Be gentle with yourself Please take care. You are worth it, always!
hello @Asdf1234 I’m sorry to hear the fear and guilt you are experiencing. It must be hard. Your introspection is commendable. I believe that you are already on the path to recovery by sharing your feelings and asking for help here! I think a big part of overcoming these emotions is acceptance and self-love. As humans, all of us are imperfect. Certainly some mistakes made are more significant than others but at the end, most of us are just trying our best to live the best life possible based on the resources provided to us and circumstances that we are presented with. We can afford to be more compassionate to ourselves in many ways
I think you can try journalling down the things which happened, how you think it affected others and yourself, what you have learned from the experience, and how you strive to do better. After you have completed writing the stories, if you are keen to seek professional help, you can share them with a therapist or a friend whom you know will support you no matter what happens. Personally, I find that writing down my thoughts and emotions helps me to reflect and provides closure. I have also tried writing letters and then throwing them away as a symbolism of throwing those negative thoughts and emotions away.
You may like to try some of these exercises to see if they help you cope better:
Meditation to become aware of your negative emotions and help you to accept them - Become Aware | mindline.sg
Mindfulness exercise to learn to be kind to ourselves - Mindfulness Practice - Self-Care Exercises
Please take care. You are worth it, always! 