Feeling directionless my whole life, I don’t know what I want to do. Don’t have any interest in anything. I feel like I don’t have the resilience and grit when things get tough, I give up easily. Im a typical 30 years old chinese singaporean girl with a diploma education and the reason why I choose this course was because I have no where to go (didn’t do well in O lvl, don’t want to go ITE and poly course was IT related) so I picked this course. After diploma, a friend introduced me to a job, more like a office admin operation role, I didn’t know what I want to do so I took this job, then switched job every few years (now still in the same industry). I’m always restless but not in the “adventurer” Instagram way. More like “I never feel like I belong anywhere so I keep looking.” I feel like I have a serious inner world, easily discouraged, terrified of failing, always feeling like I’m not good enough. Yes I actually feel that I’m someone that will quietly burnout. I don’t naturally have confidence and I think too much before I act, always relying on external structure to feel safe. I feel like I have no identity, I am EMPTY, directionless in my entire life. Never feel like I have friends because it feels there’s always a barrier/thick wall in front of me. idk how to explain this. you might be like “oh you should try to be more open”, yeah I know I want to but why do I find it so tough? it makes it feel like I’m being “too seen”, I wanna hide, I wanna run away…. this post is getting too long sorry, there’s too many things…. I don’t know what to do. Quit my job and cry in my room forever? I’m so useless and poor and dumb and I don’t deserve anything, I really do…
Hi, for God so loved the world that He gave His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, so that whoever who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). When you place your trust in God, He will make your paths straight and give you the direction you’re looking for. Shalom.
Hi @sleepy95 ,
From what you written, it looks like this uncertainty has been sitting with you for a long while. You have been lost and unsure about what to do. As you talked about your diploma choice, it sounded like you were doing things because there were no real options left. You didn’t do well for O-levels, didn’t want ITE, and the poly option didn’t match your interest. It makes sense that you felt the pressure of moving through life without meaning attached to your decisions.
Afterwards, when your friend introduced you to the admin job, it felt like you took it because you had no clear direction. You didn’t mention why you felt compelled to accept it, but it gives a sense that you often step into roles because they were unfilled, rather than because they feel right.
The restlessness you described is also understandable. Whilst you said that you are not the adventurous kind and yet, you were feeling like you don’t belong anywhere. You mentioned a serious inner world, being easily discouraged, and constantly afraid of failing. I am thinking that this suggests you function better in environments where you have a sense of belonging or attachment. It also feels like you have lived with pressure for a long time, perhaps from family, which makes it harder for you to enjoy any part of your journey. Let me know if I am mistaken?
When you said you quietly burn out, lack confidence, and rely on external structure to feel safe, it paints a clear picture. It sounds like decisions in your life were often made for you, and you never had the chance to learn how to trust your own choices. If I may say so, have you heard a lot of stories about failure or disappointment growing up? It makes sense that you would become fearful and unsure now.
The part about feeling empty and directionless shows how strongly you crave stability. When someone has never been shown how to build identity from within, they will naturally cling to anything that feels safe from the outside.
The barrier between you and others also makes sense. You want closeness, but the moment you consider being more open, you feel too exposed. You want to hide. This often happens when the same “safety wall” that protected you from failing also becomes the barrier that keeps you from connecting.
When you describe yourself as useless, dumb, or undeserving, that is the self-critical voice talking. It is not a reflection of your actual abilities. You have several strengths that you may not recognise:
- You think before you act. This is pragmatic, not weak.
- You maintain a serious inner world. This shows depth, not emptiness.
- A friend trusted you enough to recommend you for a job. This means you were seen as reliable.
- You have stayed employed and continued searching. This shows steadiness and effort.
- You keep looking for where you belong. This is a sign of resilience, even if it feels tiring.
The first few years of working life are usually directionless for most people. Skills take time to build. They are not glamorous, but they matter because you will eventually recognise that skills are essential to enable you to help others (organisations or people). Once your skills grow and people value your work, your confidence grows. Over time, confidence becomes the foundation that leads to interest and passion.
Before thinking about quitting or disappearing into your room, it may help to notice that your life story so far has been shaped by fear, lack of choice, and pressure. None of that means you don’t deserve anything. It means you never had a chance to build your identity properly.
If you ever need clarity and perspectives about your life, when you feel right, consider calling the following lines for support:
- Mindline 1771 or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771
Maybe you are not directionless because you think you are broken, you are directionless because no one taught you how to choose for yourself yet. Let us how you feel?