Feeling lost

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1

Hi, it’s me again. It’s been a few months since I last posted. Since then, I’ve been continuing my counselling/psychology sessions and working part-time, but lately I’ve been feeling very lost and directionless, and I really need some help sorting out my thoughts.

Over the past three months, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I should do next with my life. Since I dropped out of polytechnic due to my mental health issues, I’ve been feeling quite directionless. Sometimes I think about trying ITE, but I’m afraid that my anxiety might cause the same problems again. Other times I wonder if I should try something completely different, like joining MINDEF or doing something more structured, but I’m also worried that it might be too stressful for me to handle.

Because of this, I feel stuck between different options but unable to commit to any of them. I spend a lot of time thinking and worrying about the future, but the more I think about it, the more overwhelmed I feel. It sometimes makes me feel like I’m falling behind compared to other people my age.

This makes me feel a lot of guilt and shame for not moving forward like other people my age. Part of me feels like I’m wasting time doing part-time work and just surviving day to day, but another part of me knows that my mental health is still fragile and I’m scared of breaking down again if I push myself too hard. It’s like I’m frozen between “I should do something” and “I can’t handle it”.

My father is also pressuring me and makes me really anxious, which adds on to my stress. He really wants me to apply to Mindef, saying that it would be better for me and being generally dismissive. Right now I feel like fear and uncertainty are controlling many of my decisions. I want to move forward with my life, but I’m not sure what the right step is for me.

I am hoping ot ask for some advice;

How can someone figure out a direction when they feel completely lost or afraid of making the wrong choice?

For people with anxiety, panic, or past suicidal thoughts under stress: how did you decide whether you were ready (or not ready) for full-time school like ITE, or for very structured environments?

How do you deal with the feeling of being “behind” or “useless” when you’re not studying full-time or working in a “proper” job, and you’re just trying to stabilise?

How do you know whether you’re ready to try something new like studying again or entering a more structured environment?

Any small, realistic steps that helped you when you were stuck in this “I don’t know what to do with my life” phase?

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Hi @10_CYc13s ,

What you’re going through sounds incredibly heavy - you’re dealing with internal conflict, uncertainty and even external stress from a loved one. It makes sense that you find it difficult to make a decision that can address the stressors coming from all directions.

You sound very introspective and are highly aware of the emotions within yourself and that’s valuable! However, I’m hearing a lot of worry and that seems to be holding you back from moving at all. I cannot say that I understand everything that you’re going through, but I can share my personal experience and some learning I made through the years now that I’m into my 30s.

I hear the fear of making a wrong choice and it’s valid. I hope you don’t penalise yourself for this fear. Our environment, society play a huge part in creating a lack of safety for not going down the beaten path. For me, I’m making a career switch in my 30s, going back to school again to learn something entirely new. I do not know what lies ahead, but what helped me take the leap was avoiding seeing choices as “right” or “wrong”. Instead what guides me is what I enjoy and how much it aligns with my personal values. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel afraid on some days, but I feel heartened knowing that I chose something I deeply believe in. I understand that you feel lost now and are unsure where to start - may I suggest you take some time for yourself to really think about what you value for yourself (when you remove everyone else’s expectations for you)? You might not immediately arrive at an answer to where next, but you will be a few steps closer :slight_smile:

On readiness: we can hardly be fully ready for anything in life, since novel situations can pop up even in the seemingly safest routes. Though, we can be well acquainted with ourselves enough to recognise triggers and develop healthy coping mechanisms. And, go slow, be gentle with yourself. For example, if you’re keen to return to school (i.e. ITE) but worry about committing to extended periods of study, you can always step down a little and take a short course on something you’re interested in. This exposes you to a short term commitment and you get a taste of the potential challenges and you also have space to develop ways to overcome them.

You captured a really good point in that you’re still trying to stabilise. Then let yourself stabilise. Focusing on one goal/worry at a time helps plenty, though it does require discipline :slight_smile: Imagine each worry as something on the to-do list - you’re not trying to erase them, but they are just there alongside your prioritised to-do now, which is stabilisation. Deal with one thing at a time and it will also then build trust within yourself that you’re able to see things through.

I hope this helps, but if not, here to continue this conversation whenever you’re ready. I’m rooting for you :blue_heart:

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Dear @10_CYc13s

Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of uncertainty and pressure, and it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed. I agree that recovery from mental health struggles while trying to figure out your future takes time, so do be gentle with yourself especially how you judge yourself.

I believe that taking time to stabilise yourself is not “wasting time.” Going to counselling, working part-time, and trying to take care of yourself tells me how committed and determined you are to take real steps forward. I have observed it is very common for us to need time to regain confidence and capacity before jumping back into full-time study or a very structured environment.

Amidst the uncertainty, I encourage you to focus on small steps instead of big life decisions. For example, trying a short course, slowly increasing work hours, or discussing with your therapist whether you’re ready to test a more structured routine. Sometimes clarity comes from small experiments rather than trying to figure everything at once.

I agree that feeling“behind” compared to others can be very painful, but I encourage you run your own race at your own pace. It is more sustainable and you can make incremental improvements that match your energy and ability. This contributes to you feeling more satisfied and improves your well being. Discuss with your counsellors on how best to move forward. They can help you assess what level of challenge is safe for you right now.

You’re not alone in feeling this way, and help is available as you navigate ahead.:yellow_heart: