Hi! Today is actually one of the better days I had in months. There is a sense of motivation for me to get something done, even if it is just cleaning my room and going online to search for jobs. I have been unemployed for over a year. I had resigned due to burn out and stress (only lasted four months, because I was unable to keep up with the work load and the demands of rapidly changing environment, even thinking about it now makes me feel a little stress and sad), since then I have been doing everything to distract myself from feeling and I have grown kind of numb to everything until the last few days when I suddenly burst into tears thinking how much of a failure I am. It feels especially worse when it is my first full time job.
I haven’t meet my friends in a year because I don’t feel like going out and also I fear they may judge me, everyone seems to be doing well. I also haven’t tune in to other social media accounts afraid of what I will see.
I am afraid because after reading up and doing the PHQ-9, it says I have moderate depression. I was wondering if I am really depressed or using it as an excuse to be lazy. I have never thought of killing myself.
I want to return to work, whether if it is to return to my old job or change career. I just want to be happy but somehow going to job portal sites just feel so intimidating.
I found this journaling app to track my mood and there is some questions that uses cognitive behaviour therapy approach. I just started it today, so in your opinion is it fine to just continue to use this app without seeing a doctor?
Hey @user9524,
great to read that you are noticing today feels a little better already says a lot, the fact you moved your body and cleaned your room shows you still have that energy inside you and these small things matter alot!
burnout from a first job is really tough, and it takes courage to step away when the pace and demands that you were struggling with. sometimes we only realise that later, when the numbness or sudden tears break through.
staying away from friends and social media for so long adds weight to your fear; being judged when everyone seems to be moving forward. that kind of isolation easily eats into confidence, so even simple things like opening a job portal can feel overwhelming.
you mentioned about starting the journaling app is a strong step, it shows you want to try and care for yourself. maybe the question isn’t just about whether you should only use the app, but what other kinds of support might help you feel less alone in this process. just keeping the door open for support is already part of easing back into things.
Have you explored speaking to your family doctor or a helpline that you feel you can call for help? I know that you made the extra effort to research, reading up and doing the PHQ-9, it’s best to leave this to the experts to assist in such matters because you are not equipped with the experience nor the skills to make the self assessment…
it’s okay to move at your own pace. the fact that you’re here writing about it, and noticing better days, means you’re not stuck. Here are some numbers for you to look at reaching out..
[national mindline 1771 to provide 24/7 mental health support]
TOUCHline
TOUCH provides counselling support for youths facing emotional and mental health challenges - Call 1800-377-2252
Let us know how you feel? Whenever you are ready…
Hi @FuYuan_Affections,
Do note that the IMH Crisis Helpline has already been phased out. It’s been replaced by the National Mindline (1711). Thanks!
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Hey OP,
I’m glad to hear that you’re on the better days compared to previously. Proud of you for being able to clean your room and apply for jobs! 
I get that feeling when you just want to isolate yourself from people either because you’re too tired or you’re afraid you will be seen as weird or gloomy and ruining the atmosphere. However, humans are social creatures, and isolation will only worsen the negativity. Friendships are built on unconditional support, even when it’s a burden. Perhaps just a simple reach out like “hello” or a short lunch or dinner with them could maybe help.
I cannot confidently answer whether you have depression or not, so I would recommend you consult with a therapist if you have the resources. Otherwise, I believe SupportGoWhere under the Mental Health tab can help you find mental health resources that are cheap or even free. It’s best to talk about your concerns and issues with someone more knowledgable on the matter. If you believe you may be struggling mentally, then there’s nothing wrong with clarifying it with a mental health expert. I also thought I could “conquer” my negative thoughts with coping mechanisms but turns out I was diagnosed with depression and got myself medicated. It’s been life-changing.
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Thank you for sharing your own experiences. It is nice to have a space to share my own worries without being judge. Deep down I know that I should connect with my friends again and I understand the benefits of it, it is just the fear is stopping me. It is hard to articulate my feelings and tell them why I am being this way. They say first step is the hardest and I am still struggling with it.
There are times when I feel talking to a therapist will confirm that there is nothing wrong with me and it is just me making a big deal out of nothing. I think that is the reason why I feel hesitant to consult professional help. It is a cycle.
Hi, thank you for replying, and yes I did tried the whatsapp service from mindline 1771 and they did advice me to consult the GP for a diagnosis. But I fear that going to see the doc will only make it worse if they find out there is nothing wrong with me, and if I am depressed, I am afraid it will ruin my chances of getting a job.
Hey OP, glad to hear from you again!
I get that, some people will struggle expressing the struggles they have to others. It feels like when you take the next step to change, you become paralyzed and afraid of what’s to come next. It will be hard to overcome so take it step-by-step. That is what a therapist will help you with, to explore and break down your fears, anxiety and how to overcome it.
You mentioned that you feel that the therapist will confirm there is nothing wrong with you and that you are making a big deal out of nothing, but I believe a therapist won’t simply dismiss a patient because they are “overreacting”. I would think that they will try to find the root cause of your fear and to help break down how this fear stemmed. Therapy is for anyone who wants to understand themselves better 
Hey @user9524,
It sounds like you feel you will be in a really tight spot… on one hand you’re scared the doctor might say there’s nothing wrong after all you’ve been going through. On the other hand, if they do say depression, you worry that it might cost you job chances. It seems that either outcome feels like a trap.
Perhaps what’s important here isn’t rushing to decide what’s your next step? But noticing how much these fears are weighing on you. What you’ve been feeling is real… the burnout, the numbness, the tears, even the spark of energy you wrote about earlier.
Seeing a GP doesn’t have to mean it defines you to employers, but I understand the fear of that label. Going to doctors is to open a doorway to more support options and keeping you safe… What’s helpful is for you to be safe and rebuild your confidence… you’re here simply to have someone walk through this with you…
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You can look at the sctp programmes for career switch. Im still looking for a job tho. Feel free to chat since i cant judge u as im in a similar position as u or worse
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Yes, thanks for the tip. I hope your job search goes well! I did tried to apply for a few jobs and the waiting is really anxiety inducing. I decided to try again at a lower position but I will keep that option open.
Hi! I just wanted to share that I met my friend yesterday and it did help me feel a little better. I still don’t have everything figured it out, but i did try to do something everyday. I hope one day everything will be alright again.
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Hey OP,
I’m so happy to hear that!!! One day at a time. I’m glad you got to do something for yourself <3
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