Soooo after suppress them for god knows how long, I no longer know how to really feel?
‘Sitting with my feelings’ is a foreign thing. I was told to just let the emotions come, don’t avoid, but I just ended up crying buckets 
I can cry for no reason in public anywhere, non stop
And I kinda can also cry and stop abruptly at home in front of my parents
I hardly cry in front of my therapist and mostly stare blankly when recounting anything
So for all the shifus who have learned this skill already, can teach me please?
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hello, I understand it can be frustrating to feel this way. for me, I usually journal which helps me to understand what I am feeling – if I cannot write out what i am feeling, I would draw and vice versa. rooting for you op 
Oh how I wish there’s a manual for this. I’m just so tired and I can’t go on anymore
Hey @Wildflower, I’ve read through what you’ve shared, and I can sense you’re finding it hard to process your emotions. Does it feel like they come and go randomly, and your body reacts before you can feel anything?
I believe that when you cried, that was a way your body processes your emotions. At these moments, take a pause and ask yourself how you feel. If you struggle to name it, you could instead try finding a phrase or a colour to represent it. Pay attention to the physical sensations you feel: be it tears, shivering, warmth, etc. Connecting with these physical sensations can lead you back to feeling the associated emotions.
If it’s hard for you to sense any emotions, you can engage with external stimuli to experience emotions vicariously. If you want to feel happiness, go and watch a good comedy sitcom; if it’s fear you’re looking for, try watching a chilling horror movie. Music can also be a good avenue to evoke emotions in you.
Most importantly, take things one step at a time. After suppressing your emotions for so long, it would definitely take some time to find them again. So be kind to yourself, and believe in the journey! You got this 
Hey @Wildflower !
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this! It isn’t easy to open up and the fact that you have taken the first step to acknowledge how you are feeling after suppressing your emotions for a long time shows that you are doing your best and may be ready to try.
It sounds that you may have bi-polar symptoms/emotions (not saying that you are bi-polar), and maybe hearing this will help you understand yourself a little bit better!
Just want to reassure you that this isn’t supposed to be a straightforward, easy process. It will probably take a while to go back to “Feeling” how you want to feel and being your emotions. If it helps, you can try journalling your thoughts, feelings and emotions down. You can also try talking it out to some of your friends, family about this to help them get a better understanding on how they can support you too 
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Thanks for reaching out, do let us know if there is any other way we can also support you in!
Dear @Wildflower
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you have been going through.
What you have described about the inability to sit with emotions suggests that your nervous system had shut down the ability to feel emotions in an effort to protect you. Please know that your nervous system can also slowly unlearn that and relearn the ability to feel emotions.
During your next session with the therapist go prepared with details on each occasion you were numb and then started crying. Record what happened, thoughts and beliefs you had in response and accompanying body sensations. Also jot down a description of an anchor / resource / action you can fall back on for support and to reset.
At the start of the session, you can tell the therapist, “When I try to feel, I either cry a lot or go blank. Could we practice short dips into feeling and then grounding? If I freeze, please help me return to my body.” Let your therapist pace with you, fifteen seconds inside the sensation, then twenty seconds with a safe anchor. In this way you’re working with ten percent of the feeling, not one hundred.
Between sessions, keep the practice tiny. Once a day, note one sensation, one emotion word, and one need (rest, comfort, space, reassurance, movement). If a larger cry happens, close it with a reset such as cool water, fresh air, or a short walk, so that the body learns that waves will end. It also helps to track intensity on a 0–10 scale and how quickly you recover; bring that to your therapist so you can tweak pacing and targets together.
You are building this ability to feel and regulate emotions so be patient and kind to yourself. Keep practicing with the therapist and in between sessions on your own. Slowly you will progress in the desired direction. Sending you warmth and care. 