im graduating poly this year, and im lowkey so stumped and burnt out. the learning curve from my first year all the way to my thrid year was so steep, and i felt like i was one of those kids who were always behind on things. im graduating with a rather decent gpa, but it isn’t good enough for Singapore Universities and my portfolio doesn’t seem to be at its BEST right now. im just… mid. i don’t think anybody around me talks about the struggle of being “not that great, but not that bad either” enough…
ending my third year, i felt relieved but it came with so, so so much regret. i looked around me and everyone else my age seemed to be achieving really great things, things i once used to dream of achieving as well. but school burnout really got to me, and my discipline was really awful. i wanted to blame everything on senioritis but it seems a part of me still wishes that i worked a lot harder and improved on myself more instead of ignoring my problems. i really should have pushed myself more. and this makes me so regretful.
sometimes i also regret the course i took, because as i began to grow, i realised this country isn’t the most accomodating to animation or digital arts (especially with the whole AI trend now). i used to be interested in computer science as a secondary school student, but now my STEM brain has been long gone and i’m afraid that if i were to try to take a STEM course from a design course, i’ll just fall behind even further. And i hate the feeling of falling behind. i hate that im only good at things people usually say “won’t earn me money” 
im scared of what my future will become. as someone “not bad but not good enough”, where will i land? will i be able to live a stable life, even here, in Singapore? it took me really long (longer than i’d hoped) to realise how tough the real world is. i wish i grew up faster, at least mentally. i can’t believe i’d only had this epiphany now. Uni intakes are super little and competitive, and this world with its hustle culture… everything is kind of overwhelming. And while Overseas Uni will get me greater opportunities (and i have a higher chance of getting in), it’s insanely expensive and it’ll just trouble my family. The choices i made in life and things i’ve done really put an impact on my parents, and it’s stressed them out, and i hate that i only realised this recently. im so regretful and guilty that my actions have placed impact on the people who worked super hard in their early adult days just to raise me and now i don’t even know if i can pay them back for it, all because i was kind of a pathetic student.
im starting to lose sight of where i stand and i hope that i’m able to regain my balance to keep moving forward. but for now, this is what’s been keeping me up at night since the start of the year. adulting is so scary…
hello,
I’m not a professional, but I really resonated with your feelings when I read through your post, because I felt exactly the same when I was in Poly as well.
I’ve always been an average student, really the kind of what people say “not here, not there”. When I was in Poly, I did Media & Comms, and I wasn’t the brightest, but I did scrape by. I couldn’t get a job in the field I wanted and when I did, I ended up so traumatised I made up my mind that I would never return to that industry.
The best thing I did, was to take a gap year. I didn’t find internships like what my other friends did. I worked at Starbucks as a barista, just to gain some soft skills and skills outside of proper work. but I also read a lot just to expand my knowledge and find a new interest. I ended up falling in love with Psychology and Criminology which I ended up studying at Kaplan, under Murdoch Uni.
If you really are keen to study in an overseas University and you don’t want to burden your parents, you can take up a bank loan. Find a part-time job in the mean time. That’s what I did.
I’m 26 this year, and I admit that my path wasn’t steady all the way. I found a job that I’m doing average in, although there are some obstacles that have hindered me so far.
You’ll do well, sweetheart. Some people just need to take some detours to get to the final destination, but you’ll emerge stronger after that. Feel free to drop me a message if you would like to talk.
Hi @creamyduck .
Wow, I was just like you 2 years ago. I had no emotional support from my family. Even worse, they were doubting my potential and looking at me like a naive girl when I went to apply for uni.
But that didn’t stop me from applying. I attended university fairs (with my parents 
), was reading up on LinkedIn and most importantly anticipating the best case scenario at all times.
But still I couldn’t get in to my preferred uni. I believe I did my best, but maybe my time to study in that uni had not arrived yet. But that didn’t stop me.
So I ended up applying for uol under sim which I could get into. I felt bad, but the only thing was that, at least failure didn’t shatter me.
I am optimistic that I will work in the field of my choice with the degree I wanted to graduate with. It’s just that the path might have been changed. Like what @comfortablezebra7358 said some detours might be required in reaching our end destination.
You never know you may have a better competitive edge!
Don’t worry, you’ll be awesome. 
Just want to share a quote that my secondary school bio teacher introduced: Success is a science, If you have the right conditions you’ll get the results.
Hey @creamyduck ,
Thank you for sharing this on the platform. It sounds that you feel stressed out on whether you will make it in the future and have regrets that you could have done more. I think it’s normal to feel this way when thinking about our future, and even if people don’t seem concerned, I’m sure they’re worried too, as the future holds a lot of uncertainties.
As @comfortablezebra7358 and @lovelychange have mentioned from their personal experiences, there is no one correct route to accomplishing what you want to do in the future. If one door closes, maybe another will open. You’ll never know. I think the most important thing is to try to find out what is something you want to do. You can try exploring through maybe part-time jobs. For the expenses, you can look into loans or scholarships if there are any. I think going to consult your poly’s career coach may give you insights as to what actions you could take too.
I feel so long as you have the drive to push on, you’ll find a way to get where you want to be. I hope you’ll be able to find it and all the best in doing so!!