im behind everyone else my age and achieved nothing.

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i feel like i fail at everything i do. i cant do anything well. i did average during o levels, wanted to study a levels instead of poly because i didn’t know what industry i was interested in yet. i didn’t score well enough to take sciences if i went to normal jc so i went to mi. i did well at first, top few in class. but personal issues slowly interfered in my studies. i worked while studying (various reasons. money; dont want to be home; situationships). after i was heartbroken by a guy, my friend convinced me to use dating apps and it went even more downhill. i went out to meet people instead of studying. in the end i got taken advantage of sexually.

people blamed me for it, saying it wanted it. saying it was my fault. my best friend was there for me yes, but she also discussed this with her boyfriend and his friend without my permission, and still made the same comments as everyone else.

eventually i flunked my alevels. i didnt fail but it wasnt really good enough to go anywhere. i took a gap year working while figuring out what to do and decided to go to poly, hoping i could use diploma to enter uni instead. private uni was out of reach as my household is below average, we cant afford it.

now im in poly, but i got into one really far away from home. i travel nearly 2 hours by public transport 1 way. i have to wake up before sunrise at 6+, head out by 7 to reach by 9am. the tiredness slowly catches up and i struggle to be on time. even by car it takes nearly an hour. cabbing costs me $40-$50. as a result, i skip lessons sometimes when i wake up too late, because being partially is considered the same as absent in attendance. lecturers dont understand even when i tell them i live far away, they just blame and chide me for bad time management. they tell me i have to wake up earlier. im seen as a bad student who doesnt care about studies.

at home, its difficult to study. i dont have a table, i study on the bed using a foldable bed table. i dont have my own room, i share with my mother but we are not on good terms. she avoids like the plague, refusing to be in the same room as me at home. she only goes to bed when i leave the room to shower, all just so to avoid contact with me. whenever she is upset at anyone at home, she would blast music or preaching videos at full volume. i frequently go out to study but it gets tiring and expensive. especially during exams season when i stay up later, these tensions at home stresses me out, i am constantly walking on eggshells at home.

i guess my breaking point today was when i got told off again for my punctuality. i thought i was trying my best but now i doubt myself. is it really right to say im trying hard when its not good enough? maybe i really am not doing my best? 5 years on, im still nowhere in life. im behind everyone else my age and achieved nothing. is anyone else in a similar plight as me? does anyone understand me?

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Hey @Adria,

I sense that you had a long day today and it’s probably wearing you out very fast. When you said, “Maybe I really am not doing my best?”, that line spells exhaustion that comes from trying to meet expectations that keep moving, from school, family, and even yourself.

It’s clear you’ve been working hard, even when life kept throwing one challenge after another. From young, many of us were taught to measure our worth through results; grades, punctuality, achievement. But no one really teaches us what to do when effort doesn’t lead to success, or when life gets too heavy to carry alone.

The long journey you take every day really stood out to me. I remember those mornings too. Back then, I had to leave home in the northeast when it was still dark, taking buses to the west, where my school used to be, that felt endless just to reach class on time. It’s not easy when your day starts before the sun rises, and you already feel tired before lessons even begin. It’s not bad time management; it’s just how draining it is to keep pushing when there’s no space to rest.

You also mentioned the tension with your mum, that distance, her avoiding being in the same room. That kind of silence can hurt more than shouting. Sometimes parents don’t know how best to show care when they’re struggling with their own worries or guilt. But when they pull away, it can make you feel like you’ve done something wrong just by being there. It’s not your fault. You’ve been trying to study, cope, and stay afloat without much warmth or support at home, and that takes a lot of quiet strength.

And the way people blamed you after what happened, that was not fair at all. It wasn’t your fault. Sometimes when people don’t know how to handle pain, they turn it back on the person who’s already hurting. That kind of judgment, especially from those you trust, can really break your confidence and sense of safety.

I want you know that I can see that you’ve been trying for so long to prove that you’re doing your best, to school, to family, maybe even to yourself.

And I want you to know that you can add me to the list of people in a similar plight as you. I may not be the same age, but I definitely had the same experience before.

My take is that effort doesn’t always look like results. Sometimes it looks like surviving another day, even when no one notices.

If you dont mind me asking, what happened between you and mum?

I hope that this post can help ease your tired mind a bit, if things start to feel too heavy or you just need someone to listen, please reach out to 1-767 (Samaritans of Singapore) — they’re available 24 hours a day. You can also text a counsellor at Mindline (1771) through WhatsApp. Maybe now it’s time to let someone else hold a bit of that weight with you.

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Hi Adria, I wanna just say it was really brave of you to take the step to take diploma after Alevels.

The situation you’re in is very heavy, and it’s clear you have been carrying a lot on your own. I just wanted to say that choosing to continue your education after A levels is not a small decision. It takes a lot of effort and self-reflection to try a different route, and that is something many people overlook. I went through the crazy tough competition of alevels (and friendship problems), and my scores weren’t enough for good degrees too. I was also too poor to go private university.. i made the decision to take a gap year working + entered poly. I know how hard it is to make that decision, and i’m really proud of you for making that 1 big step to choose to enter a polytechnic despite all the challenges it comes with.

Being older than my classmates and adjusting to a new environment came with a lot of emotional and practical stress. I remember the feeling of trying very hard while still feeling like I was falling behind. It can make everything feel heavier. I was crying almost everyday and kind of isolated myself.

Your commute sounds extremely taxing. Waking up that early and managing the travel time every day is already exhausting before lessons even begin. Having to deal with attendance rules on top of that would wear anyone down. The home environment you described also sounds very difficult to cope with while studying. Studying without a stable personal space does affect focus and mood more than people realise.

There is nothing “weak” or “not trying hard enough” about feeling worn out. Effort doesn’t always show up in a way others recognise, especially when there are many external stressors stacked together. The fact that you are still showing up, even on the days that feel impossible, says something about your persistence.

For me, over time, things did change. I continued with the diploma and eventually managed to get into university. Later on, when I looked back, I realised that there isn’t actually one fixed timeline that everyone is supposed to follow. People move at different paces, switch paths, pause, restart. Many of the same people I once compared myself to ended up changing courses, jobs, or direction later on too. Looking back, I regret not joining extra-curricular activities, taking the overseas exchange programmes, trying to make more friends and memories.

This isn’t to say everything will magically improve, but that your current situation does not define the rest of your path. You are not “behind.” You are navigating barriers that many people do not see.

If there is one thing I wish someone told me earlier, it is to not measure progress solely by where others seem to be. Your conditions are different, your responsibilities are different, and your starting point is different. Please give yourself some credit for continuing to push forward in spite of all of that.

You are not alone in this. There are others who have been in similar situations, even if they don’t talk about it openly. P.S i met 4 other JC-poly survivors, and we are all working adults now!

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Hey there, I just want you to know that I see you, and I hear everything you’re going through. First, I want to say that none of what happened to you is your fault. Being taken advantage of, being judged, and being blamed, those things were not your responsibility, and you didn’t deserve them. I can see that you have been carrying a lot on your own.

What you’re experiencing, the struggles with studies, the long commute, the tension at home, and feeling behind, is real, valid, and exhausting. Trying your best doesn’t always mean it looks perfect on the outside, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. Doing your best sometimes just means showing up, even when everything is against you. And from what you’ve shared, you are showing up, even when it’s hard. That counts.

You’re not alone in feeling this way. Life can be unpredictable and unfair, and everyone’s journey is different. It’s okay that your path hasn’t looked like anyone else’s. Comparison only makes things heavier, and it doesn’t measure your worth or your effort.

I also had personal experiences where I didn’t have my own comfortable desk and chair, I had to sit on the floor of the living room surrounded by stacks of exam papers and notes. Instead of being provided the basic needs and care to study well, I was simply berated for being messy and leaving my papers all over the floor.

I know it’s hard to see it right now, but your efforts, your courage, and your resilience are real. It’s okay to rest, it’s okay to feel hurt, and it’s okay to ask for help. You’re doing your best in a really tough situation, and that is enough. I’m here for you if you ever need a listening ear.

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hello, thank you for sharing, I understand that school has been taking a toll on you. The commitment of braving a long commute shows your effort, and I would like a commend you for that :heart_hands:

Perhaps you can go to the library to study, by booking a seat at the designated areas, as a student myself, I think the library is super conducive.

I understand that family stresses at home can get tough, and perhaps a listening ear could help. perhaps you can take a look at some of the mindline resources here. rooting for you :heart: