i turn 17 this year and i’m disappointed to say that i’m not going to school this year as i’m retaking my exams. ive always wanted to get through schooling as fast as i could so that i can finally breathe and feel competent and knowing that i have to take o levels again feels soul crushing. seeing all my friends get into the schools they’ve been wanting to go to is making me think of what i could’ve done. right now im in a pretty bad spot financially too, i haven’t gotten any part time to work at and my parents are struggling to apply for jobs. last few years i was a total wreck mentally and only now do i have to courage to speak up about my issues here. last year i just wasn’t able to cope well in terms of studying, could barely sleep at night. I never really was allowed to hang out with friends much and even if i was it was used against me. i just feel so incompetent and stupid right now. the books were right there i could’ve just worked harder, pushed myself more. my parents aren’t too supportive in the emotional sense and it feels like there’s always something to pick on about me. i’m just so devastated right now. I used to be able to push through and cope but i guess last year was the breaking point. this whole thing is pretty messy and whatever but i hope that you get the message. i just really need help
Hey @user225974, it’s not easy to share the struggles that you’ve been experiencing, so give yourself a pat on the back! You’ve talked about your academic struggles – having to retake O-levels, feeling left behind, and blaming your past self. And you are facing other stressors as well: needing to find a part-time job, having your freedom to hang out with friends curtailed, and lacking an avenue for emotional support.
Not everything that has happened is your fault. Yes, you could have studied more, but I’m sure you tried. Yes, you could have gotten a job earlier to support your family, but I’m sure you tried. Yes, you could have pushed through and coped with everything, but I’m sure you tried. You’re not incompetent or stupid; it seems like you are overwhelmed by all these things happening all at once, which is normal.
Please be kind to yourself. I think it’s great that you are still trying to be better despite everything: studying and retaking your O-levels, finding a part-time job to supplement your family’s income. If you take things one step at a time and focus on a few important goals at a time, it may feel easier to tackle the problems you’re facing right now.
Remember, help is always available. If you are feeling distressed to the point that it is affecting your daily life, seek help from a professional such as a counsellor. The 24/7 National Mindline Hotline 1771 will put you on the phone with a trained counsellor; alternatively, CHAT has an e-counselling service providing mental health support to youths like you (www.chat.mentalhealth.sg). If you just want someone to talk to, don’t be afraid to chat with us here on let’s talk, we’ll be here to talk to you!
Hey @user225974,
After reading, it’s obvious that you are still hopeful, but hasn’t been getting the emotional support needed to carry them. What you’re facing doesn’t sound like glorifying failure, It sounds more like your system reached a point where it couldn’t keep pushing without rest or support. Sometimes needing to slow down is not a setback, but a chance to breathe and steady yourself before continuing.
You’ve been holding a lot at the same time, retaking exams, watching friends move on, financial stress at home, and feeling picked on rather than supported. When all of that stacks up, it’s very common for self-criticism to show up as blame. That “I should have worked harder” voice often grows when self-esteem has been worn down, not because you didn’t care enough.
It’s actually a big step that you found the courage to speak up now, especially after years of coping on your own. That tells me you haven’t given up. When you feel ready, you might reflect on what helped you reach out this time… was there a moment, or a thought, that made you realise you needed support? Those moments usually say something important about your strengths.
I also noticed what you shared about not being allowed to hang out much, and how it was later used against you. I wonder what challenges your parents were facing around motivation and group studies, and whether their approach focused more on control than encouragement. That can leave someone feeling criticised rather than guided.
You don’t have to sort everything out on your own. If you haven’t already, you could consider speaking with a school counsellor to talk through your situation while retaking. Some people also find it helpful to call 1771 (National Mindline) just to ask what support is available, especially when there’s emotional and financial strain at home. If possible, going together with a parent to a Family Service Centre can sometimes help shift this from being “your problem” to something the family gets support with.
What stands out most is that you’re still here, still trying, and asking for help even when it feels messy. It may feel like all the doors are closed right now, but the fact that you haven’t given up means there is still a way forward, even if it doesn’t look clear yet.
thank you for the support!!!
i thought to reach out because i really needed help and didn’t want this to interfere with my progress. I often times just brush these sort of feelings off because even now i can’t understand why im feeling this way. i’ve tried journaling, going out on runs but this dulling feeling doesn’t go away. like im constantly worrying the first thing in the morning that i think of is how i failed it just feels like i never get a break from my own thoughts and thinking them over and over makes me feel worse to the point i become tired and very avoidant. i would really appreciate if you could tell me what to do about this feeling
thank you for giving insight and i hope im not being a bother asking!
Hi @user225974 ,
I want to respond to this part first, because what you’re describing is a very common loop when someone has been under pressure for a long time. It’s not that you’re doing something wrong, your mind is trying to make sense of what happened, but it doesn’t know when to stop, so you end up exhausted.
Since you asked what to do about this feeling, here are a few small, practical things you can try. These aren’t meant to fix everything, just to ease the loop a little.
- When the “I failed” thought comes up, try naming it quietly: “this is the replay again.” You don’t need to argue with it or analyse it.
- In the morning, do one simple thing before thinking - drink water, shower, stretch, step outside briefly. Action first helps interrupt the automatic spiral.
- If your mind keeps asking “why am I like this,” try shifting to “where do I feel this in my body right now?” Chest, stomach, head - no need to explain it.
- If you notice yourself avoiding, try very small contact instead. Open a book for a few minutes, read one page, then stop without judging yourself.
- If journaling turns into more spiralling, keep it short. Write for five minutes, then stop, even if you haven’t finished the thought.
One important thing I want to say clearly: feeling avoidant doesn’t mean you’re weak or lazy. It usually means you’re mentally tired from carrying this alone for too long.
You’re not being a bother by asking. It’s actually a good sign that you reached out before this interfered even more with your progress. If you haven’t already, it might help to talk this through with a school counsellor, or even call 1771 just to ask what support options exist - you don’t have to be in crisis to reach out. Do reach out when you get a chance! Take Care!