ever since primary school my math grades weren’t always the greatest(always get a E grade or D grade) but i was always scolded for it even when i worked hard for it i was weak in. Then eventually i gotten a tiny improvement and when i told my parents about it they were not even surprised, they were like oh okay and didn’t even bothered about it. Now im a sec 4 student taking my national exams soon, over the 3 years i had major improvement in my grades especially in math from my psle grade I had a E for my math but when I entered sec school my understanding in math started to improve but eventually i had to switch to a more advance class bc i gotten better grades, but when I entered the new class my grades in math automatically drops💀 my parents was happy i was getting to a better class but unfortunately i had to drop to the weak class again bc of it ofc my parents was like, why u dw stay? I also dk?? My grades like drop and I didn’t feel happy about it and the class was going on a fast pace of learning. But when I drop to the weak class my grades improve again. Suddenly my parents were like giving me praises( eg. good job, see im proud of u) but I don’t feel anything. Like everytime they say that I would be like ok lor. Even during skool
For an example my math cher gave me my math results back( A grade) I didn’t even feel anything all I was like ok lor A oni right I really dk how to like express it bc im so used to getting bad grades since young and suddenly getting good and getting praises?? Im so confused by it that idk how to feel about it anymore that i feel so empty even when i get good or bad grades
Hi @hammy It sounds like you’ve been on a rollercoaster with your math grades and the reactions from your parents. It’s clear you’ve worked really hard to improve, and it’s understandable to feel mixed emotions about the journey and the feedback you’ve received.
I can relate to some of what you’re feeling. When we’ve struggled with something for a long time, sudden improvements and changes in how others react to us can feel confusing and even hollow. It’s like your efforts weren’t fully acknowledged when you needed it most, and now that you’re doing better, the praise might feel a bit too late or insincere.
We often forget that our self-worth shouldn’t be tied solely to grades. The fact that you’ve improved so much in math shows your resilience and determination, and that’s something to be proud of, regardless of external validation.
You might find it helpful to talk to someone about these feelings, whether it’s a trusted teacher, counsellor, or even a friend. Expressing these emotions can sometimes make them easier to understand and manage.
Wishing you all the best with your upcoming national exams and beyond. Keep believing in yourself and your abilities.
Dear @hammy ,
Thank you for opening up and sharing your feelings here. Going through the ups and downs of grades, while dealing with various reactions and expectations from your parents and teachers, must have been incredibly challenging. It’s tough to put in effort, face criticism, and then feel disconnected even when you succeed. Your feelings of confusion and emotional numbness are completely understandable given these experiences.
I’m sorry to hear that your parents’ reactions have been inconsistent, which can be really confusing. It might help to shift your focus onto recognising your own achievements and strengths, rather than relying solely on external validation from others.
Let’s also take a moment to celebrate your incredible achievement—from an E grade to an A grade over four years! This shows tremendous daily perseverance and resilience. Showing up day after day, even when it felt hopeless, is a huge accomplishment. You’ve demonstrated incredible strength, dedication, and determination. Well done! Your ability to keep pushing forward and adapt to new challenges is truly inspiring. 
We all have different learning styles. Some teachers use strategies that align more closely with our own learning styles, which can help us learn better and improve our grades. Which class is considered “better” or “worse” is just a perception. At the end of the day, it’s about measuring your wins and not the gap. Celebrating how you improve yourself day by day is far more valuable than being in the best class.
Here are some self-reflection journal prompts to help you evaluate what the different class teachers did that helped you learn better:
- What teaching methods did I find most helpful in each class?
- How did the pace of the class affect my understanding and retention of the material?
- What specific strategies did my teachers use that made the material easier to understand?
- How did the classroom environment and teacher’s attitude impact my learning and motivation?
- In what ways did I feel more supported or challenged in each class?
I hope that reflecting on this helps you see that there was never anything wrong with you. It was just that the teaching style and strategy weren’t right for you. When you moved to a class that matched your learning style better, you were able to make progress. It’s important to remember that your self-worth and self-esteem aren’t based on grades or how others see you.
Think of it like a bottle of water. At a convenience store, it might cost $1, but in a fancy restaurant or at a concert, it can cost much more. The water inside is the same, but the price changes based on where it is. Similarly, your self-worth doesn’t change. If you aren’t being valued, it might be the environment or the strategies that need to change, not your self-worth.
Emotional numbness is a protective response your mind uses to shield you from overwhelming pain. Feeling emotionless or numb can be a response to prolonged stress or disappointment. When you’ve faced continuous criticism or pressure, it’s normal for your mind to try to protect itself by becoming less sensitive to emotions. 
It must have been tough to feel unheard and unseen despite giving your best effort, and this numbness likely developed to help you cope with that. Remember, this is a normal reaction, and you can learn to move past it with time and effort. Here are some strategies to help you deal with emotional numbness:
- Practise Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding during difficult times. Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
- Acknowledge Your Efforts: Remember that the hard work and effort you’ve put into improving your grades are significant. Even if it doesn’t always feel rewarding, the progress you’ve made is real and commendable.
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Positive Affirmations: Remind yourself of your strengths and worthiness. Affirmations like “I am resilient and capable of overcoming challenges” or “I am deserving of love and understanding” can help shift your mindset towards self-compassion.
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Celebrate Small Wins: Give yourself credit for your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Over time, this can help you build a more positive and balanced emotional response to success and challenges.
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Seek Support: Talk to a therapist, school counsellor, or a trusted teacher. They can provide guidance and support as you work through your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
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Journal Your Thoughts: Writing can be a powerful tool for self-reflection. Here are three journal prompts to help you explore your emotions:
- What situations or interactions trigger feelings of numbness for me?
- How do I usually respond when I feel emotionally numb? Are there patterns in my reactions?
- What activities or experiences help me reconnect with my emotions and feel more grounded?
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Engage in Creative Activities: Activities like drawing, painting, or playing music can help you express emotions that are difficult to put into words.
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Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practising mindfulness or relaxation techniques can help you reconnect with your emotions and reduce feelings of emptiness. Simple activities like deep breathing, meditation, or even taking a walk can make a difference.
You have a national exam coming up in the months ahead, and it’s normal to feel increasing pressure as the dates approach. Remember, grades simply reflect the gap in skills or knowledge and do not define your self-worth. You are amazing and filled with endless potential. As you continue to discover and harness your strengths, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.
When you feel ready, comfortable and safe, consider sharing your feelings with your parents. This conversation might help them understand how their unintentional actions have affected you. Hopefully, this understanding will lead to positive changes in how they support and show love to you.
Congratulations once again on bridging the gap in your math skills. Remember, grades are merely numbers and letters; what truly matters is the effort, resilience, and skills you’ve demonstrated in your journey of learning and growth. Let’s celebrate your perseverance and courage to tackle difficult tasks and navigate challenging emotions for a greater reward in the future—that’s what we call delayed gratification. These are invaluable life skills, and it’s clear that you are already getting very good at them at just Sec 4.
I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! 
Take care,
CoolBreeze =)
Thank you so much for making me understand on my feelings and telling me that it is okay and I should be proud of myself + the advices tysm 
All the best for your national exams! When I read your thread, it feels like you’ve really tried your best - be proud of that. Grades is just one thing, it may seem like the biggest thing now but as you grow older, grades matter less and less.