So im not too sure on what to say but i feel like i need to rant somewhere so thanks for reading this: Basically, I never get anything right and im constantly put down by my parents and theres a lot of comparison in my family. Im just constantly a disappointment and never live up to expectations, just feel ljke such a failure. I’m in sec 2 this yr going to sec 3 and the last few years a lot of things changed, especially since im in a new school. In primary school, i would have lots of tuition, my mum was a stay at home mum and sort of managed everything for me, from practice papers to workbooks etc. Honestly, i dont remember much because everything passed by in such a blur but there were constant high expectations for me to do well and perform academically. Kids in my class used to take my exam paper and announce my results to the wjole class and there was 1 time when i got mocked for not doing so well in 1 section of the english paper 2. When psle came, i got a dsa confirmed offer so i guess i felt more relaxed, i mean at least i had a school. Unexpectedly, i did end up getting a perfect score (al4). Everyone was really happy but it felt like it only lasted 1 week. Within the next few weeks, it sort of became a nightmare. My primary school and secondary school offered me scholarships because of my results in school and my mum spent so long training me for the interviews and emphasising how important it was to get the scholarships (we didnt and dont need the money, we are financially stable). And basically, the bar was just rasied higher. And i did get both scholarships by then, but it just felt like the bar just kept rising and i wws never going to be enough, and even now 2 years later, im definitely not doing well compwred to primary school, but i think i need time to myself, it just felt like i cant out perform after psle and i just felt so stretched thin. I mean, the night before my first day of school in sec 1 i ended up crying myself to sleep because my mum kept lecturing me on the scholarship and how important it was that i did well etc, and it felt like thats all that matters and thats all i ever was to her. And i get into fights with my mum all the time, im constantly being compared to my cousins who are government scholars and to students in top schools (note that i dsa-ed to a school that isnt academically strong compared to students in raffles or acs or mgs or nanyang etc) and im just so sick of it. It feels like thats all i ever am and ever will be, which is honestly a failure. Rn the expectation to meet is to get a perfect score at 18 yrs old for ib and get a government scholarship. I genuinely dont think i will be anything but a failure if i dont get a perfect score. That will be a huge disappointment. And i just wish i could quit life or just at least do things right and stop screwing up and stop caring so much. But ye…any advice?
Thank you for sharing your feelings here, @Totoro_music. First of all, I must say that it’s really a massive achievement to get a perfect score for PSLE. I hope you feel proud of that despite all the comparisons that your mum is making of you.
It might be helpful to take a step back and reflect on what you truly want for yourself, outside of academic achievements. It might be a bit early since you’re still in secondary school now but perhaps you can find something that interest you more (besides just pure academics)
It’s crucial to acknowledge that your worth is not defined by your academic achievements or the expectations placed on you by others. Success is not linear, and everyone has their own unique path. If you get a perfect score at 18 years old, your mum will probably be happy but even if you don’t get a perfect score - life goes on. With your smarts, I think you can definitely carve out a niche in future.
I’ve always believed that it’s more important to be different. As you grow older, you’ll realise that government scholars are aplenty but what will set you apart(and maybe ahead) from others is how different you are. Hope this helps!
Hi @Totoro_music,
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds incredibly tough to carry the weight of those expectations, especially when it feels like there’s no room for error. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, especially with everything you’ve been through in school and with your family.
First, know that your feelings of disappointment and frustration are valid. Being compared to others can be really draining, and it’s exhausting to feel like you’re never enough. It’s okay to struggle and to need time to adjust to new environments and standards. Many people may feel lost when faced with such high expectations, especially when your past achievements seem to overshadow your current efforts.
It’s important to remember that your worth isn’t defined by your grades or the opinions of others. Success looks different for everyone, and it’s okay to forge your own path. Taking care of your mental health and finding a balance is crucial. Sometimes, shifting focus from grades to personal growth and interests can help lighten that heavy burden.
If you can, try to communicate with your parents about how their expectations make you feel. It might help them understand your perspective better. It’s okay to express that you need support rather than pressure. And don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, teachers, or a counselor for support—you don’t have to go through this alone.
Remember, it’s okay to take a break and give yourself some grace. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough. Take things one step at a time, and try to be kind to yourself. You’re not a failure; you’re just going through a really tough time, and it’s completely okay to feel that way.