I have been struggling with psychosis previously for more han 3 years and I am not sure if it is still affecting me right now. Everything seems to be going in a downwards trend. I feel like I cannot study or make friends even though I try my very best to do so.
In terms of study, I feel like I am slacking off and does not have the motivation to study. I try to change the way I think towards studying but it will end up going back to the same situation. I am falling behind lectures and trying to catch up. I feel like I am not a responsible person even though deep down inside me I still care. I want to study because I want to study not because I am forced to do so or for the sake of grades.
In terms of making friends and social life, I try to be genuine but what I receive is ignorance. I try to talk my heart out with people but most of them just keep a distance away from me, afraid that I may be a burden to their lives, even though a few of them also share with me their situations.
Overall, I feel that facing studying and people, especially those that I have to face everyday is a burden and a form of stress. I do not want to feel this way but there is a part of my brain keep making me feel this way. Sometimes, I feel like the outside world is wrong but I also feel like I am the one who is wrong but I couldn’t make up my mind. I just need a person to guide and show support and care for me through these situations. I also feel that there is numbness starting from my chest and towards my arms. I just want to be a normal person but it seems so hard.
Hi @hello10,
First of all, I want to acknowledge the immense effort you’ve been putting in, even when it feels like nothing is working out the way you want it to. It sounds like you’ve been pushing yourself hard in both your studies and in your relationships, but the outcome hasn’t matched your expectations, and that’s understandably frustrating.
From what you’ve shared, it seems like there’s a lot of internal conflict happening—on one hand, you want to be responsible and succeed, and on the other, there’s a deep sense of fear that you might not be enough, or that others are rejecting you. It’s so painful to feel misunderstood and isolated, especially when you’re trying to engage with others in an honest, genuine way. It’s also understandable that you’re struggling with motivation and feeling stuck in a cycle where your efforts don’t seem to pay off.
First, let’s talk about the negative self-talk that’s been running through your mind. You mentioned that you feel like a failure, that you’re a burden to others, and that you might be the one in the wrong. These thoughts are powerful, and they keep you stuck, making it even harder to move forward. When you experience rejection or feel like you’re falling behind, your brain is telling you something about your worth, but it’s not the full truth.
It’s not easy to recognise when our thoughts are holding us back, but I want you to know that you are not a failure. The fact that you’re asking for help here and even showing up to try to make things better is proof that you’re already capable of making progress.
What would it be like to take a step back from this self-criticism? If you gave yourself permission to not be perfect for a moment—what would that feel like?
When it comes to studying and motivation, it might be helpful to start small. Could you identify one tiny step that would help you feel a bit more in control—like organising your study space or setting aside 10 minutes for a focused task? This doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s more about taking action, even in small doses.
**And with friendships—I hear you when you say it’s hard to be genuine when others seem to keep their distance. That must be really painful, especially when you’ve tried to open up. But I want you to know that you are worthy of connections, even if it takes time to find the right people who will understand and support you. It’s not a reflection of your value when others don’t reciprocate the same way. And if you feel comfortable, maybe you can gently share how you’re feeling with one or two people who you trust to help them understand where you’re coming from.
Lastly, I know it’s hard to deal with the numbness you’re feeling. Sometimes, our bodies and minds go into protective modes, and numbness can be one way your body is dealing with overwhelming emotions. If this feeling persists, I encourage you to talk to a mental health professional who can help you explore this further.
You are not alone, and even though things feel heavy right now, it’s okay to start with small steps and to be kind to yourself in the process. Healing doesn’t look like a straight path, but it’s one where you deserve support, validation, and compassion from yourself and others.
Take care, and we are here whenever you need someone to listen.
For me i built a list of why i need to do something as motivation. U can do that for ur studies.
Hows ur psychosis recovery? R u still having appointments w ur psychiatrist n therapist?Ive only had one psychosis b4 due to an attempt n none anymore.
I can be frens if u r open to it
Thank you for your advice and encouragement. They really help!
Hi @user1138,
Thank you for your advice. Yes, I am still having appointment with the psychiatrist.