Hi, recently I just got out of a job and has been jobless for awhile already. I am still looking for a job and I cant help but feel so untethered to society. My friends are all working and in stable situations but I can barely chart a clear path for myself. And to make matters worse, I tend to overthink and overfeel. Do i allow myself to feel whatever i feel even if it might cause me more pain or should i suppress it? Sometimes i dont even feel human anymore, if there even is a feeling for human. People dont usually think or feel so much right? I look at some people and they immediately know what to do in many situations like this and I always just end up feeling and thinking so much that I dont even look for a way forward. Why cant I just be more stable is this a sign of something more if im constantly getting in my own way?
Dear @emo-te
Thank you for writing in to share what is going on. It is understandably challenging to be in between jobs, watching friends move ahead, and feeling adrift in your own thoughts. It makes a lot of sense that you are feeling untethered and uncertain right now. Please know that you are not failing at life for feeling like this. I believe you’re experiencing a common human reaction to instability and loss of direction.
I recommend you not to suppress what you’re going through. My experience is that suppressing usually just pushes pain deeper and it will eventually show in other ways. However please know you do not have to drown in it either. A healthier approach is to allow yourself to feel, but within safe and contained moments. For example: give yourself time each day to sit with what’s coming up, write it down, cry if you need to, acknowledge the grief, the anger, or the envy. Then gently shift to something grounding afterward: a walk, a shower, even something simple like making tea or listening to music. This practice helps you honour your emotions without letting these emotions overwhelm you the whole day.
As for the thought “why can’t I just be more stable”, please do not be discouraged as people vary deeply in how they process life. Some people act first and reflect later; others, like you, feel and think deeply before moving. I observe that though it can make life harder in times of uncertainty, it gives insight, empathy, and self-awareness that others might lack. I encourage you to learn by practising to balance reflection with small, concrete actions. Even if it’s just updating your resume, applying to one job, or talking to one person in your network it is already a positive step towards progress.
I see that your behaviour you described is part of being human. It’s just that many people just hide it better or distract themselves more effectively. You’re actually being honest about it, which takes courage.
Please stay optimistic and keep taking positive action towards what you want even if these are small steps. My experience is also that being stuck often occurs before growth. Do remember to treat yourself with compassion as you undergo this transition. Keep reaching out for support too, whenever needed as you are not alone.
Hello @emo-te thank you for sharing this here. It makes complete sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. Being without a job while seeing friends in stable situations can feel isolating and make it hard to see your own path forward. The fact that you notice yourself overthinking and overfeeling shows just how deeply this is affecting you, and that’s completely understandable.
It’s important to allow yourself to feel your emotions rather than suppressing them. Suppressing can sometimes lead to emotions building up and surfacing in unexpected ways. One helpful approach is to write down what you’re feeling and what events or thoughts triggered these emotions. This can help you make sense of what’s going on inside and start to identify patterns or sources of stress.
Regarding others who seem to act immediately in situations like this, it might just be a difference in approach. Some people act first and think later, while you may naturally reflect and assess before taking action. That thoughtfulness can actually be a strength, even if it feels like it slows you down. Needing time to think doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It’s just part of how you navigate the world.
You’re not alone in feeling untethered, and these feelings don’t mean you’re failing. It’s okay to take things one step at a time and be gentle with yourself as you figure out your next move.