i’m a design graduate, been job searching since graduation which was half a year ago. recently an opportunity came up for me through my school at a firm that i’ve been really looking to go to. my partner, being in the same industry, had the same opportunity as well to interview at the firm. its been about a week, and he was offered the job while i was ghosted. but here’s the thing - it’s a place that matches exactly what i want in my first job, from the job scope, to culture, to workplace and i’ve actually applied to this job twice already, once about 3 months ago, and another a month ago. to give some context, we had alot of extremely similar projects because we are in the same course, and have worked on some together as well. because he went to the interview first, it almost felt like i was at a disadvantage because my projects are literally just the same as his, and obviously there wouldn’t be any wow factor anymore. not just that, i gave him my portfolio to use as a reference, and even lent him the assets i used to build his own portfolio, and even encouraged him to print it to make a better impression. from what he told me that they said after his interview, it felt as though there wasn’t even any point for me to interview as they already want him, which proved to be true. my efforts, my time, my hope…….vanished in a second, to someone who should’ve been supporting me. i’ve tirelessly applied to countless jobs, writing emails and letters, reaching out to people, going for interviews, and he has applied for less than 5 and had this offer (which he wasn’t even thinking about) drop from the sky. i feel so conflicted because he’s my partner, but yet it really feels like a deep cut through my heart. everybody i talk to says the same thing - that finally one of us has landed a job and its better for our future, but how has no one even bothered to consider how crushed i actually feel? i’ve had to face countless family members asking about my job search, and having to deliver news of my failure to them. when something i really wanted finally came up, it got taken in a flash by someone i cared about, now having to start the search process all over again. i’ve been feeling extremely out of it, not being able to sleep, eat or even get out of bed other than to do the necessary things for the past few days because i really cannot wrap my head around this……why does everyone constantly favour him above me? am i that bad or worthless? or am i overreacting? i know that i should be feeling happy for him and for us, which i’ve really really tried to, but i literally just can’t. i really have no idea how to feel anymore and its really crushing me……
Throughout our life in Singapore, we are always told about the one thing that mattered which was results, however as i grow up exploring life Abit more, I think its more about the journey than the end. In your case, your partner was very lucky to have you as his partner and nailed that job interview but you have been building your skills and building yourself even helping others, I think thats really noble of you. Furthermore I adopted this thinking recently of “every failed project or relationship that happens, is always to prepare you for something better in the future” Don’t give up yet! You got this!
Plus I think you should talk to him about this, have him support you as well!
Relationships is about helping one another and you supported him and its time for him to do the same for you, if you can take a step away from job searching to calm your feelings down, every athlete takes rest for them to come back better next time
I know you got this, you sound like you have alot of talent and hardwork it will born fruit one day!
Dear @luncheon.meat
Thank you for writing in what has recently transpired and please know that the hurt you’re feeling makes complete sense. You wanted this job so badly, worked hard for it, and even helped your partner, only to see the opportunity go to him instead. That’s a deep kind of pain, especially when it feels like life keeps favouring others no matter how hard you try.
It’s okay to feel angry, sad, confused, or even numb. You’re not a bad person for struggling to be happy for your partner. You can care about him deeply and still feel heartbroken, I sincerely believe both can be true. The situation is just really unfair and painful.
When people say “at least one of you got it,” they mean well, but they may be overlook that this was your dream job, and you’ve been trying for months. It’s normal that it’s shaken your confidence and made you question your worth. But please remember that this isn’t proof that you’re not good enough. Hiring decisions often depend on luck, timing, or small things beyond your control.
Right now, your main task isn’t to “get over it.” It’s to take care of yourself. Eat something small, get a bit of rest, go outside for a short walk if you can. Let yourself grieve without feeling guilty about it. Understandably what slipped away mattered to you.
Do not be discouraged. You coached your partner unconditionally and showed creativity and strategy in the way you did it. I observe that you give selflessly, are determined and clear and I think really good at reading and meeting what is needed in situations such as your job search.
Stay optimistic, dear . This closed door probably means something else is waiting for you to be discovered which is even more suited for you. Even though this current outcome hurts, it doesn’t define your future. It’s one painful chapter before something else begins.
I encourage you to continue to take small steps and continue your job search. Speak to your partner on his experiences on his job so that you can learn from him what his work is like. This knowledge will come in useful in your own job search. The priority now is for you to secure a job. Discuss with your partner on how he can support you in your job search, now that his job search is complete, with your help.
Hold your head up high. Your opportunities will come, so keep going one tiny step forward at a time. We are here to support you in your journey so reach out whenever needed. 
Hello @luncheon.meat thank you for opening up and sharing this here. What you’re feeling right now makes complete sense. This situation sounds incredibly painful and unfair. You’ve been working so hard in your job search, and when something that felt like the perfect fit finally came along, it slipped away in a way that must have felt crushing.
It’s especially understandable that it hurts more because it involved your partner. You cared enough to share your portfolio, lend your assets, and even encourage him. That shows your generosity and how much you value supporting the people you love. But it also makes sense that you now feel torn between wanting to be happy for him and feeling deeply hurt yourself. Losing something you wanted so badly to someone close to you can stir up really complicated emotions. Sadness, confusion, even guilt for not feeling happy. Those feelings are completely valid.
It’s also normal to feel exhausted and disheartened when others don’t seem to acknowledge how hard this has been for you. Facing questions from family and trying to stay hopeful while watching opportunities pass by would wear anyone down. None of this means you’re bad or worthless. It just means you’re human and you care deeply about your future.
Try to remind yourself that not getting this job doesn’t define your worth or your potential. The effort, creativity, and heart you’ve shown will open doors in time, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Be gentle with yourself as you process everything; it’s okay to take a step back, rest, and grieve what you hoped for.
Hey there OP,
I’ve felt that crushing feeling, sort of. I graduated from art school and was in desperate need of a job to pay off my student loans. Unfortunately, not many companies got back to me even with hundreds of applications that I’ve sent. It was the worst phase of my life.
I was lucky enough to have one company reply back, so I took the job. However, it was a corporate job and had no connection with the creative industry at all. Then, I’ve noticed some of my batchmates getting awards for their indie films, getting job opportunities to work in the creative industry, or even freelancing on creative projects. I felt miserable and started thinking that I “was not good enough”, "did not work hard to pursue my passion”, “not talented to make it into the creative industry.” To this day, I still somewhat struggle with the feeling.
But eventually, I’ve sort of accepted that maybe that life is not for me. I asked myself what I really wanted in my life, along with getting some advice from my seniors. I realised that at the core of me wanting to pursue my passion as a job, it all comes down to wanting to live a fulfilling life; however, a fulfilling life does not have to be just that path. I realised I feel content earning money from my job and using it to fuel my hobbies and passions on the side. I feel happy that I have time off from work to hang out with my friends. And after having almost becoming broke, I find happiness being able to buy food that is more on the expensive side.
Job searching is a nightmare. I’m sorry that you weren’t able to pursue the job that you wanted, OP. I do hope that you’ll be successful getting another job offer. If your partner really loves you, I believe you should bring up this concern to him and communicate how crushed you are feeling from the situation. Support from people who care and love you will help to alleviate the pain, even just a little bit. It’s not going to be an easy road, but there will be better days ahead 