hey so i didnt really get a role ive REALLYREALLY wanted and ive been feeling extremely down and i just dont know what to do. i feel like i havent been coping well.. ive been feeling every empty and any time someone brings up that role i just feel even worse. its already been quite some time since ive found out and i still feel the same nothing has changed. and it doesnt help that im telling everyone im fine or that im over it or that it doesnt affect me but i really has been affecting me. like today it was brought up again as they had a meeting anf i havent been feeling like doing anything and idk i feel rlly rlly down idk i just wanted to know if theres anything i can do to relieve this or like get over it faster or smth like that or how to make myself feel btr ig? idk but yeah
that really sucks Im sorry you didnt get the role. then you keep getting reminded of it repeatedly from people around you. feels. maybe not the best way to cope immediately but what works for me is just thinking of reasons why that role would have actually been bad for u or held u back etc. like really try to think of how to justify this in your head of not receiving it. im sure better opportunities are on the way for u too. sucks but I feel u tho.
Hey @alligator I can sense that you’re extremely disappointed that you didn’t get the role that you wanted and it’s weighing on you very much. Whenever you’re reminded of it (be it friends bringing it up or meetings held), it really hurts.
It’s okay to feel this way. It’s natural for us to feel sad when our expectations are dashed after we’ve put a lot of effort into making it happen. In fact, experiencing disappointment is very much human.
There are some ways you can do to overcome this setback. One way is to think of other ways you can contribute despite not getting the role. If it’s something that you really love, actively participating in it (having informal talks with others and giving your ideas without the need for a meeting setting) can give you the same enjoyment. Alternatively, you could think of other aspects of your life where you can focus your attention on. Spending time and concentrating on other things that you love can provide you with a sense of fulfilment and purpose, maybe even superseding that of you getting that role.
It will be tough to get over the disappointment, but I believe you can do it! There will be plenty of other opportunities in life for you to take up in the future, as long as you actively go look for them. Hope this response helps and jiayou! 
Hey @alligator. I hear the pain in your words, not just the sadness of not getting the role, but the frustration of still feeling this down, even after time has passed.
And you know what? That tells me you really cared. That you weren’t half-hearted about your goals. The roles wasn’t just something you “wanted”, it mattered deeply to you. So of course it stings when it doesn’t work out.
And now, not only are you hurting, but you’re trying to hide it. Pretending you’re over it when you’re not. That’s so much emotional weight to carry quietly. No wonder you feel empty and drained.
It’s okay that time hasn’t changed how you feel. Some disappointments don’t fade quickly because they cut deep. You’re still holding on, not because you’re weak, but because it meant something. Also, not getting something doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough.
I wonder what would it look like to give yourself permission to grieve and to keep going anyway?
You don’t have to bounce back overnight. You’re allowed to feel this. But please don’t mistake this pain as proof you’ve failed. It’s proof that you tried wholeheartedly. And that’s something to be proud of 
Hey @alligator I’m really sorry you’re feeling this pain. It makes total sense, especially when it was something you wanted so badly. When you care that much and it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t just go away with time. It lingers, and it can feel like everything’s been knocked off balance. And pretending you’re fine just adds more weight on top of what you’re already carrying.
It’s okay that you’re not over it yet. That doesn’t mean you’re weak or stuck. It just means it mattered a lot to you. You don’t have to force yourself to feel better right away. Even just being honest with yourself, like you are now, is a step forward. Be kind to yourself while you work through it. You’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling. Don’t think of it as rejection, think of it as redirection. Sometimes the universe knows what’s best for us and may lead us through doors which can lead to the best journeys in our lives
hey @alligator,
you sound really tired… like this loss didn’t just disappoint you, it kind of emptied you out. i don’t think you’re being dramatic or weak. sometimes when something means a lot to us… a role, a chance, a version of who we hope to become, not getting it hits deeper than people expect. it lingers even when time passes.
and it’s exhausting pretending you’re okay when you’re not. i hear how much you wish to “get over it” already, but maybe what hurts is still waiting for you to be with it, not rush past it. this isn’t about you being slow to heal… it’s about how big this felt.
if it helps, maybe start with just noticing: what part of you is still aching for what that role meant? and what might it look like to care for that part, just tend to it for today. you’re not unworthy for feeling this way.
Hey OP,
For me personally, there really isn’t a “quick” way to get over it. Unfortunately, we will feel some sort of disappointment in our life, such as not getting the thing that we’ve always hoped for. What helped me the most is to just…acknowledge that you are affected.
I find that denying my feelings or saying things like “I’m okay” and “it’s fine, I’m over it” is dismissing what your emotions are telling you in your body. It is affecting you; that’s why you feel extremely down. Why is it affecting you? Because you care so much about this role and really looking forward to getting it. Then it turns out…your expectations were not met. What you thought would be your path is no longer there. It’s closed off, diverged, gone.
I feel that it’s good to express and talk about those emotions to someone you trust. A friend, a counsellor or your parents–anyone you’re comfortable to share this problem with without fearing being judged. Be kinder and gentler to yourself. Treat yourself to something nice, do a hobby that makes you happy.
It sounds cliche, but just because one door closes does not mean another won’t open. Maybe there will be another time where you can achieve a role you’re excited to do 
Hey @alligator, I hope things are improving for you slowly 
I want to reassure you that it is completely valid to feel this way. Being let down from something you highly anticipated is super disappointing and I can understand that feeling. From your post, it seems that you have been affected by it for quite some time already. Something that may help ease some of your frustration is penning down your thoughts in detail and crushing/tearing up that piece of paper. After this, I encourage you to write down some positive aspirations for yourself to look forward to. The act of crushing/tearing the paper can mimic letting go of the past and writing down some new goals for yourself gives you something new to focus on and work towards. If your feelings of extreme sadness persist, please be sure to seek support from those around you, I hope this helped