I just found out that my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me. He admitted to seeking out to a sex worker because he was curious and later confessed to me when he became worried about his health.
I’m torn about what to do. My head tells me I should forgive him and move on, but I’m scared. This is my first serious relationship, and we had been planning a future together, even discussing marriage.
Since the confession, he’s been apologetic and asking for another chance, saying it was a mistake and that it won’t happen again.
I’m struggling because part of me feels like I might be making excuses for him, but I also wonder if I played a role in this. We’ve had ongoing issues with differing sexual needs, and he says he didn’t want to pressure me into anything I wasn’t comfortable with. He says he regrets it and that he really loves me and still wants a future with me.
Can someone really separate sex from emotions like that? Is it possible to truly move past something like this?
I know deep down that I probably should walk away, but I’m not ready. He’s so deeply involved in my life, and the thought of ending everything feels overwhelming.
Firstly, it’s crucial to acknowledge that you are not to blame for your boyfriend’s actions. Each person is responsible for their own choices, and seeking out a sex worker was his decision. It’s natural to question your role in the relationship, but remember that communication and mutual respect are key in addressing differing needs.
When it comes to deciding whether to forgive and move on or to end the relationship, it’s important to consider your own well-being and what you truly want. Here are a few questions to think about:
Can you rebuild trust in the relationship? Trust is foundational, and it may take time and effort from both sides to restore it. Consider whether you feel comfortable and safe in giving him another chance.
Are your needs and boundaries being respected and valued in this relationship despite this “mistake”? No one is perfect but if he can meet 80% of your needs, is that sufficient?
Think about what you envision for your future. Does this relationship align with that vision, and do you believe it can be healthy and fulfilling moving forward?
i personally think that you should end the relationship, kind of shows that hes not serious about it if he’s willing to cheat on you after being together for 4 years. there are better people out there who will stay loyal to you, communicate, and compromise to y’all differing needs, instead of cheating on you. i get that its extremely difficult to move on from 4 years of relationship, but its important to really think of what your boundaries are, are you really able to accept this kind of behaviour? are you able to forgive him for cheating? your needs and boundaries matter, and there will always be someone else out there who will treat you right. take your time to really think about what you want, and itll help if you discuss with your friends and family about what to do. lastly, take care of yourself, it must be so overwhelming for you right now, so take things slow, and prioritise your health❤️