cheated on

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1

hello! i’ll just start of by explaining what happened, sorry if my english isn’t very good.

i was in a relationship with my boyfriend of 5 months up till today when i broke it off. we knew each other from some online dating thing. i started getting to know him from october 2023 and we started dating late january 2024. throughout the talking stage period, i think it was mutual that we liked each other, we got along well and everything. i believed our personalities were similar. we had similar music taste and humour and basically everything else you know. i also initiated getting intimate with him first… (now that i think about it i did i too soon but oh well) and i think i had a few arguments with him about other girls he was still talking to as we weren’t exclusive yet. i was only talking to him as i cut off everyone else except for him hahaha. anyways we were happy for the first 2 months i think.

then started the arguing. i think maybe over the few months i could see his true colours. he was quite narcissistic and only cared for himself, no empathy, that sort of thing. he didn’t know how to put himself in my shoes at all. but i was pretty irritable all the time, and i just didn’t understand him at all. when i explained to him that he has to change to work things out with me, he just said “oh it’s just him” and that “it doesn’t really matter” i’m stupid because i literally just brushed it off. this happened multiple times again by the way. it was really draining. i just felt so lost because i love him and i believed he loved me too, so it was all going to be okay.

then came like maybe 3 days ago. we got into another fight because he was calling other girls “pretty” “have potential” and oohing and ahing in front of me, and i was clearly pissed hahaha… i just straight up asked him to stop and to apologise to me but he just didn’t take me seriously. it was quite immature of me but i blocked him everywhere after that. i felt that i let what he do slide so many times so he’s okay with treating me badly, so i should set my boundary and not let him do so.

he was blocked, he didn’t try to contact me or anything, i felt he didn’t care at all. when i unblocked him earlier today, he texted me asking if we were going to talk. then i said yeah and just initiated some small talk but he was dry. then i just said i was still angry and stuff, and asked if he even wanted to resolve it with me. he said blocking wouldn’t make him care at all so i said okay and just said some mean stuff to him.

at night i was just scrolling his instagram and i found a new girl he was following, i contacted her and found out he was flirting with her. like even before the argument i think. the girl didn’t know and apologised to me. it really wasn’t her fault. i texted my boyfriend about it and he just said what he is supposed to say as we weren’t working out. i just said why would you do it behind my back and just said i didn’t think he’d be that low of a person. i asked him to mail back my things to me and yeah.

so about how i feel, i just didn’t expect him to do me dirty like that. i just wanted him to care about us and want to fix things. i think that maybe he was too tired of arguing all the time that he just decided to talk to other girls. but behind my back just really hurts. it’s like what we had wasn’t real at all and it just sucks right now. he cheat on me, i’m not even sure is it my fault or his. i’m just very lost and i don’t know what to do right now. sorry if this is so long…

2

Hello @heheheha , :wave:t4:

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot lately, and it makes sense to feel hurt and confused. It’s never easy to end a relationship, especially when you’ve invested time and emotions into it. :people_hugging:

From what you’ve shared, it seems like you genuinely cared about your boyfriend and wanted things to work out. It’s tough when you start noticing differences and arguments start happening. It’s important to remember that it’s healthy to set boundaries and expect respect in a relationship.

Discovering that he was flirting with someone else behind your back must have been really painful. Feeling betrayed and questioning what you had is completely normal. Please know that his actions are not your fault or responsibility. Relationships should be built on trust and mutual respect, and it’s clear you were trying to communicate and make things work. Yes, there is room to improve your communication and conflict resolution skills but that doesn’t mean taking on the responsibility of his share of the relationship breaking down.

After a breakup, it can be helpful to take time for some self-reflection. Here are some journal prompts for your consideration:

  • What were the best moments you shared?
    This can give you an insight into what you like and want more of in your next relationship

  • What were the biggest challenges?

  • How did you feel when you discovered he was flirting with someone else?

  • What emotions are you experiencing now?

  • What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?

  • How can you communicate these effectively in the future?

  • What have you learned about yourself from this experience?

  • How can you use this knowledge to build healthier relationships in the future?

  • How much do you value yourself and your needs in a relationship?

  • Reflect on what stopped you from recognising the red flags earlier.

  • Are there still red flags you can identify now?

  • What does your ideal relationship look like?

  • How much of what you want in a relationship are you currently meeting for yourself?-

  • Reflect on times when you accepted poor treatment from others.

  • What were the circumstances surrounding those situations?

  • How did you feel during those times?

  • How did your own sense of self-love and self-respect influence your decisions and reactions?

Self-love is about understanding how the way you treat yourself influences your relationships with others. When you nurture a positive relationship with yourself, it naturally enhances how you connect with those around you. Healthy relationships thrive when we focus on fulfilling our own needs rather than trying to change others. Remember, you are only responsible for your own actions and emotions, which is key to fostering supportive and fulfilling connections with others.

Take some time to focus on yourself and your own well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who can listen and offer comfort. Reflecting on what you’ve learned from this experience can also help you grow stronger and make better choices in the future.

If you find yourself struggling with these emotions, consider talking to a trusted adult or a counsellor who can provide guidance and support.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect in any relationship. Thank you for coming here to share your feelings with us. Take things one step at a time, and it’s okay to take some time for healing

I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! :grinning:

Take care,
Cool Breeze =)

PS: You’re English is fine, it was an easy read for me and no post is too long to express yourself :orange_heart: