I am a newly hired teacher. I wanted it, but wasnt excited about what it meant to become one. Recently, my emotions got the best of me after one pupil was acting too aggressive even at my presence. I’ve said hurtful words I regret. I have always had the personality of being everybody’s friend. I hate confrontational situations because I know the guilt will eat me. I know this is the non-negotiables of teaching. I don’t want to give up from this career yet. But every nerve in my body screams “cowardice.” But while Im still in this profession, I don’t want to regret and feel unmotivated. I want to rediscover my faith and cope.
Hi @secureotter5263! Thank you for using this platform. Being honest and vulnerable to share takes courage to sit with all of that rather than just push it aside.
The gap between wanting something and feeling ready for what it actually demands is something a lot of new teachers go through, even if they don’t say it out loud. Teaching asks you to be a calm, steady presence for young people who are sometimes anything but calm and steady themselves. That’s genuinely hard, especially when your natural instinct is to connect and be liked rather than to hold a firm line.
About the “cowardice” feeling, I’d gently push back on that word. Cowardice would be pretending the hard moments don’t exist or leaving without ever trying to understand them. You’re doing neither. What you’re feeling sounds more like someone whose self-image hasn’t caught up yet with the role they’re growing into. That’s not weakness, it’s just the early stage of becoming something new.
Rediscovering your faith in this, it usually doesn’t come from a single breakthrough moment. It tends to come from small, accumulated evidence that you’re getting better, that a student responded well, that you handled something slightly better than last time.
Is there a particular part of this you’d like to think through more?
Hey @secureotter5263, thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt over what happened, especially when becoming the kind of teacher you hope to be matters so much to you.
As I was reading your post, I found myself thinking less about an incompetent teacher, and more about a teacher who is becoming.
I imagine that in the process of becoming - whether as a teacher, role model, or simply the person we hope to be - we’re bound to come across moments that challenge us. As painful as they can be, they can also become opportunities to learn more about ourselves and grow from them.
What stood out to me was that despite how difficult this experience has been, you also shared that you don’t want to give up. I hope you’re able to hold onto that as you continue this journey.
Wishing you all the best. As with any journey of becoming, there will be moments that bring you down. I hope you’ll continue to pick yourself up with the same heart that made you want to become a teacher in the first place.