hello, i am really unsure if this is normal. I understand that many of us have strict parents, but i am really getting sick and tired of this. I’m around 25 years old this year who is working and still staying with her parents. Moving out is not an option for me as i cant bear to leave my old parents alone when they have spent so much time taking care of me. However, it is very frustrating as they implement so many rules on me.
firstly, they do not allow me to hang out with my boyfriend of 3 years and in fact, they have been persuading me to break up with him just because they do not like his career path. Trying to hang out with him is often very stressful for me as I have to think of ways to meet him sneakily and honestly it’s getting a little tired for me… also, i can’t hang out more than once a week with friends. For someone who LOVES social gatherings, this is hard for me. Everytime i ask for permission to go out with my friends just once a week, they would nag at me and would restrict me from spending too much time outside. I would often have to be back home after a maximum of around 5-6hours, and not to mention that i have curfew at 11pm too haha… i really enjoy hanging out with people as work gets so stressful for me in the week but my parents can’t seem to understand
i am also not allowed to go nearby countries with my close friends… i personally feel that i have every right to take my own leave and go on my own vacation which i will be paying for on my own, but my parents do not allow me to do so
i am really very drained by the restrictions they have on me and is this normal for families with strict parents? fighting or rebelling back is not something i can do as i would feel terrible to be shouting at them…
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Hi @eggbear
Thank you for reaching out. I agree that the situation you are in is challenging. It is understandable that you’re feeling frustrated, drained, and restricted. While it’s great that you’re considerate of your parents’ feelings and willing to take care of them, it’s essential to acknowledge your own needs.
Every family is unique, and what’s considered “normal” can vary greatly. However, it’s common for families with strict parents to experience similar challenges. The key is to find a balance between respecting your parents’ concerns and asserting your own independence.
The restrictions your parents have imposed on you, may be stemming from their concerns, but they’re also affecting your mental and emotional well-being.
May I suggest you have an open and honest conversation with your parents about your feelings and needs. Consider the following:
- Choose the right time and place: Find a private, quiet spot where everyone can focus on the conversation.
- Use “I” statements: Express your feelings and thoughts using “I” statements, which help avoid blame and defensiveness.
- Set clear boundaries: Communicate your needs and expectations clearly, and be specific about what you’re comfortable with.
- Listen to their concerns: Make an effort to understand your parents’ perspective and address their concerns. Negotiate a workable arrangement and demonstrate that you can take care of yourself and can be trusted.
Do consider seeking support from:
- Friends: Talk to trusted friends or other family members about your situation and feelings. Could they advocate for you?
- Counselling: Consider seeking professional help from a therapist who can provide guidance and support.
I encourage you to set aside time to seek first to understand before being understood.
Slowly they will understand your needs, grow their trust and let go a little by little. Change takes time, so be patient. Your relationship with them can reach a new equilibrium with your consistent efforts so keep at it.
Hi, I didn’t hangout with my friends for the rest of my life and I also didn’t learn to take mrt so I am more sad and DEPRESSED
I have no independence
I’m so sorry for u
@eggbear I can empathise with you!
As a 21 year old, I feel I am rather “underexposed”,lol, cos my parents seem to be living back in the 1990s. Like Girls should come home early in the evenings, must always keep them updated of their whereabouts and safety, etc. I mean, I understand their concern, but sometimes it feels like they lack trust and confidence in our abilities to defend ourselves. As a matter of fact, my cousins got home much later at night, and even they have “endorsed” that it’s okay for me to go out and reach home a little later in the day. Like hello? Why do they have to endorse whatever I do…
And yes that can feel suuuper daunting. Trust me. I won’t be exaggerating that as soon I started Uni I felt free when I was able to cross my neighbourhood to go to other parts of the country. Ps. my secondary school and poly were along the same road. So I spent 8 years schooling along the same avenue.
Don’t feel bad ! Let’s hope your parents will understand your plight soon!