Why do i hate my parents?

I dont know if this is the right place to write this but the reason i wrote is that i hate my parents even though they love/care for me. I dont know if that is normal to feel.

Its true they are quite overprotective and do limit my life by some amount but they do the same towards my siblings and they seem to not have any issues about it. They are going through a messy divorce and even though they did nothing wrong, i couldnt help but hate them. What do i do, i cannot bring myself to act loving towards them and its making me anxious everyday just thinking about it. I am 19 now and going to pursue further studies soon and i dread that my mother would follow me where i am going to but also have no form of financial support capable of finishing uni if i leave alone. What do i do?

Hey @user0510 thank you for sharing your problems so candidly. I gather from your post that you are experiencing rather conflicting emotions: you appreciate your parents’ love and the care they’ve shown you, yet feel hatred towards them for not giving you as much freedoms as you would like, and that bothers you.

I empathise with your dilemma. We are expected to love our parents, for they have brought us up, and rightfully so; yet we also desire independence and autonomy in our lives, and when our parents try to curb our freedoms, we feel a sense of frustration and hostility.

What can be helpful may be to have a conversation with your parents about it: perhaps ask them for their point of views of why they restrict your freedoms the way they do and show your appreciation for their love and care, then at the same time express your personal unhappiness over losing certain autonomies in your life respectfully. The key is to be honest and open, especially when it comes to understanding each others’ point of views.

I respect your maturity, for recognising that despite your grievances with your restriction of freedoms, you acknowledge that your parents still love you. Perhaps if you show that side of maturity and independence to your parents and still respect their acts of love that may seem overprotective at times, they may be more open to granting you with more freedoms.

Lastly, you don’t need to feel guilty over your emotions. Please don’t beat yourself up over feeling hatred towards your parents, instead you could think of how to resolve the dilemma at hand, perhaps through open and honest conversations. Jiayou!! :heart:

1 Like

Dear @user0510

Thank you for opening up and sharing something deeply personal. I want to assure that it’s only human to feel conflicted with what’s going on. Emotions aren’t always logical or clean-cut, especially when it comes to the people closest to us.
You’re not alone in feeling this way. When parents are overprotective or when home life becomes emotionally overwhelming, it’s natural to feel resentment, confusion, or even anger, even if they haven’t “done anything wrong” in a clear-cut way. These feelings don’t make you a bad person. They’re signals from your inner world telling you what matters deeply to you such as freedom is being affected.
I want to acknowledge that your situation is hard. Feeling torn between needing support and wanting distance is a heavy burden. You’re 19, standing at a major transition in life, and it’s normal to crave independence while still needing help.
If you can, try to speak to someone neutral such as a school counsellor, therapist, or trusted mentor. It may help you sort out what’s yours to carry and what isn’t. Emotional grounding doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or guilt, it means learning how to stay steady while navigating it.
You don’t have to figure everything out right now. I suggest to consider setting boundaries as a start. Do also research into scholarships or part-time work so that you can widen your financial options.
Whatever you do, you’re not broken. You’re growing. And it’s okay to take your time finding your way. Stay grounded in what you know about yourself including your value and hopes, and let that guide you as you navigate the uncertainty before you.

Please take heart that it’s fully understandable that you are choosing to protect your peace, even while still caring for those who hurt or overwhelm you. Keep reaching out here whenever needed. :yellow_heart:

Hey @user0510

Thank you for sharing this — it takes a lot of courage to be honest about feelings that are hard to even admit to yourself, let alone say out loud. What you’re experiencing makes so much sense, especially in the middle of something as painful and confusing as parents’ divorce.

I think it is completely normal for teenagers to feel conflicted about their relationship with their parents. I sometimes have mixed feelings about my parents as a teenager myself as well.

Just because your siblings seem fine with the situation doesn’t mean you’re wrong for feeling differently. Everyone reacts in their own way, and it doesn’t make you a bad person to feel angry, tired, or disconnected. It simply means you are human, trying to make sense of a complicated situation. It also sounds like you’re feeling trapped between wanting freedom and needing support, and that’s a really difficult place to be in.

Maybe for now, it is less about fixing your relationship with your parents, but more about focusing on figuring out what you want. It is ok to take time to think about your longing for independence and what you need.

Please know that you are not alone and feel free to reach out again if you need any support.

1 Like

I remembered many years back, when I was taking a social service-related course, and one of my coursemates brought up an MSF advertisement she had seen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljjSBMmCAQA

I hope this can explain how you are feeling. And what you should do.

1 Like

Hello @user0510, thank you for opening up and sharing something so personal and important. It sounds like you’re feeling really constrained and restricted by your parents’ overprotectiveness, and that’s completely understandable. You also notice that your siblings don’t seem to have the same struggles with this, and it’s important to remember that everyone has different breaking points. Yours is valid and there’s nothing wrong with how you feel.

You absolutely have the right to your own feelings and boundaries. It’s okay to feel anxious about the situation, and I want you to know you’re not alone in this. Being 19 is such a pivotal time, and it’s natural to feel like you’re at a crossroads, especially with everything going on in your family.

Right now, your mental health and well-being are the most important things. It’s okay to take the time you need to figure out what’s best for you, and you don’t have to feel guilty for putting yourself first. You deserve to have peace and space to grow.

1 Like

Hey @user0510,
I acknowledge you for being open and vulnerable about your situation, this was very courageous of you to reach out and I want to say that I admire you for that.

All the emotions you’re going through, anger, frustration, and a strong sense of being tied down and not being able to spread your wings, all these are valid, and it’s normal to feel this way. Your siblings might not be having any issue with feeling controlled, but that does not make your emotions any less true. It is real for you. With other’s expectation for us to love our parents, it does not mean we are not allowed to be real about our emotions, both can exist at the same time and there’s nothin wrong with that~

I hear your worries about the future, being unsure about the next right step, and I want to say that it’s okay. You could try and talk to your mom about your dilemma? Both of you could decide on a solution that could work the best for both parties, giving you financial support along with the freedom that you desire.

Being able to be self aware and reaching out despite your current situation shows much emotional strength and I must say you are very wise in doing so. That shows great emotional maturity and emotional regulation that you have in yourself. I know I have said this like a million times in this post, but it’s okay to feel the way you are feeling. Anger is not a bad thing to feel. Anger makes us human and it’s the same as feeling other emotions like sadness, joy, confusion, etc… So don’t be hard on yourself~

You got this, sending many hugs and supportđź’™

1 Like

Its not wrong to hate them, ive felt the same way too. Coz we feel let down, yea? Some jus dun suppt in right way