I hated my parents since 9
Something happened recently and it just made me sure that 18 years later I still hate them very much
I have no love for them at all.
They are parents who provided me with all the necessary and have given me a stable childhood. But I hate them will my guts. I almost walked out of the house tonight.
Is this normal and why is this happening pls help I’m angry and so full of hate till I have a headache
Have you talked to them about the situation that happened when you were 9? Did you clarify the recent situation? Bitterness is a poison meant for your enemy that you unintentionally consume yourself. Forgiveness is hard but it’s always worth it - even if not for them, do it for your peace of mind.
Dear @Matchastrawberry
Thank you for reaching out and being open — especially about something as deeply painful and complex as this. The fact that you’re able to express these feelings, even when they’re raw and overwhelming, is incredibly important. And I want you to know: you are not alone, and you are not wrong for feeling this way.
It’s okay to feel confused or guilty about having hate toward someone who “provided for you.” A lot of people struggle with this inner conflict — “They gave me food, shelter, education… why do I still feel so much anger?” But providing the basics doesn’t erase emotional wounds. Emotional safety, respect, love, and connection are just as vital as material support — and when those are missing or harmed, the pain can go deep and stay for a long time.
The fact that this hatred has lasted since you were 9 tells me that something significant happened, or kept happening, that left you feeling unseen, unloved, or hurt. And when those early emotional needs aren’t met — or worse, when you’re blamed, dismissed, or emotionally harmed — that pain often gets locked in. It doesn’t go away just because time passes.
Yes — it’s a human response to carry anger, grief, or resentment toward caregivers who may have failed us in deep emotional ways. It doesn’t matter what things “looked like” from the outside — what matters is how it felt to be you.
You might be:
And now, something happened recently — and it reopened everything. That’s not unusual. Sometimes, the body remembers what the mind has tried to lock away. That headache you mentioned? It’s a sign your system is overwhelmed. Not weak — just overburdened from years of holding things in.
Acknowledge the emotion without judgment.
Hate, especially when it’s long-held, usually protects a more vulnerable feeling underneath — maybe sadness, betrayal, or loneliness. You’re allowed to feel all of it.
Write or talk it out — uncensored.
You don’t have to “make sense” of it right away. Start with:
“I hate them because…” or “When they did ___, I felt…”
Let your younger self speak.
You don’t have to forgive or forget — but you do deserve to heal.
Healing isn’t about excusing their actions. It’s about giving yourself peace, so the pain doesn’t control your present and future.
Please consider speaking with a counsellor in a safe space.
Not because you’re broken, but because this pain deserves to be witnessed, understood, and cared for — **with you at the centre **.
You almost walked out tonight — that suggests this is reaching a critical point. Your emotions are valid. But please also know: you don’t have to go through this alone.
Your story matters. Your pain is real. And your healing — though it may take time — is possible. Please keep on reaching out whenever you need to. 
hello @Matchastrawberry !
it’s normal to feel upset and angry at people who have hurt us before, even if it is your family. Even though we are often told that parents are supposed to love us and get our love back, sometimes, that is not the case because there are many unhealthy relationships out there 
but even though it’s normal, it isn’t good to hold on to so much hate and anger that it causes you headaches. I’m wondering if there are anyways for you to realise this hate? maybe talk to a trusted person or certain mental health resources to work this out? (since this sounds like it has been going on for a very long time, i dont know if friends have the skillset to help you improve long term). anyway, all the best with your journey and i hope you can eventually let go of all this hate and anger! it i not easy but it will be worth it when you do!