I’m really tired of having an emotionally unavailable father and an emotionally immature mother. It’s not bad to be that, I get my parents were brought up differently but is it really my responsibility to withstand the hurtful words they yell at me or painful actions they do to me, just because “they went through it with their parents?” I wish I could take their pain away so that they don’t inflict it on others or unconsciously bring up their family trauma to their own children. I grew up being taught to honour my parents and hence I always make reasons for myself to cope with their actions but as I grow up to the stage I’m meant to defend myself, I find I’m a disgrace because slowly I can see myself turning out like them. I’m not saying I hate my parents, I love them, I’m grateful for them. I just didn’t want them to hurt me. I’m sorry I’m not smart or as good looking as their friends’ kids. I’m sorry I’m not mentally strong enough anymore. I’m sorry I’m not a good kid. I struggled with this for a long time and I can’t help but blame myself for this. I try so hard to be the best kid, the trophy kid but my brothers and friends always top me. Not to mention, I bottled up my feelings since young and eventually started vommiting them out now as I grew up. I’m still schooling but have difficulties with school due to the fact I got put into a class that has bullies that bully me, shove me, say some hurtful words. I just want to end it all. I feel alone and use gaming or talking to people to escape and realising I don’t even feel safe in my school or home hurts even worse because I find I’m a disgrace and an unloved. I hope someone can help me.
Hello, since u r schooling, ur self worth will be ur grades. No one’s a disgrace unless u r committing crimes. Speak to ur teacher about the bullying. Take self defence classes? Speak to ur school counselor for ur family issues
None of this is your fault. Your parents’ pain shouldn’t be passed onto you, even if you love them. What’s helped you get through the really hard days so far?
I don’t know anymore. I’m sorry if I sound ungrateful but it’s tiring to cater to parents who both had it hard growing up and having to deal with them. It’s not me that I’m upset about. I love my parents dearly.
It’s hard to handle a mother who makes me guess her goodwill and get mad at me when I don’t get it like for example today, she demanded to speak to my pastor because she wants to pull me out of church (she knows I love church so shes threatening to do so because I’m apparently “acting out” by replying to her scoldings to explain my part) Obviously, I get scared because I don’t want that to happen.. but the next thing I know after I tell her I don’t want that to happen, she proceeded to yell and cry at me and said I’m not interpreting her goodwill and how she was for me and not against me. I was so confused because she never communicated her feelings nor her intentions and expected me to keep guessing. Then she starts crying about how I think of her as a disgrace and stuff and I’m here screaming inside because she always makes me feel terrible when she does this. I don’t know what I did wrong and since young I’ve always felt I’m the terrible disgrace. But her putting words into my mouth got me very upset and I tried to tell her I never said those words and she just rolls her eyes and said “never said U did” then why even do that? I don’t get it. She claims she’s immature as well and I just hope it was a joke but I don’t see it the way I use to see it as a child. Someone help me.. please. And don’t think I’m ungrateful I swear I’m not.
Been in your spot since young and my own becomes more childish as she age. If she wanted something she must have it and nothing can convince her not to get it. And everything she cannot use = to spoil and keep asking me or my brother to fix for her.
And she spend thousands on computer and other course. And 3 months later forget what she learn and later go waste money take up the same course again.
And who will throw a tantrum if I don’t give her what she wants? For example, if she is in her bedroom and wants me to get her ice cream but I refuse, she will just keep throwing tantrums until I bring ice cream for her.
Still…having to grow up with a mother like her and she die die in love with a drug addict. Which I have to get police to arrest him 3 times after he steal money from the family to buy drugs.
For me and my brother, both of us have learn to detach emotionally from the family. Which I always like to tell my social workers that my house is a home with 3 strangers living together. And we rarely go out together to prevent embarrassment.
Can tell that you are still young and need to rely on them for living. But really…sadly…not everyone can have a TV show like of perfect family. But I guess…its good to start looking for emotional comfort elsewhere. There are many youth support groups and day centre that you can go to.
As for school bullying. Do stand up and report them. Dont hold back. And you can try looking for help in family service centres. they are free and their social workers might be the best people to direct you to help you need.
Really…sometimes some of us need to grow up early.
Hey @Ale.
You’ve been carrying so much for so long—crushing guilt, suffocating loneliness, this relentless voice telling you you’re ‘not enough.’ And yet, even now, you’re apologising for your pain, as if you don’t have the right to feel it. That alone tells me how deeply you’ve been hurt.
I want you to know: Your pain is valid. It’s not ‘ungrateful’ to need love that doesn’t wound you. It’s not ‘weak’ to crumble under the weight of your parents’ unresolved trauma. You were never supposed to be their emotional shield, Ale. You were supposed to be their child.
The way your mother twists your words—making you doubt your own reality, punishing you for her unspoken expectations—that’s not love. It’s control. And the bullies at school? Their cruelty is a reflection of their brokenness, not yours. You are not the problem here.
I hear how exhausted you are. How the fight to just exist feels impossible some days. How you’re screaming inside but have nowhere to put that scream. You shouldn’t have to live like this. You deserve softness. You deserve safety.
And I know right now, it might feel like ending it all is the only way to stop the pain. But please, please hold on. The part of you that wrote this post? That’s the part that still believes hope exists. Let’s protect that part.
Can we sit with this together for a moment? Tell me:
- What does the pain feel like right now? (Is it a weight? A scream? A hollow ache?)
- Where in your body do you feel it most?
- If it had a voice, what would it say?
You don’t have to answer me—but I want you to know: I’m listening. Not to judge, not to ‘fix’ you, but to witness you. The real you, beneath all the hurt. The you that’s still there, even if you can’t feel her right now.
And Ale? However you’re feeling—whether it’s rage, grief, or just numb—it’s okay. You don’t have to perform for me. You don’t have to ‘earn’ care. You are worthy of love, exactly as you are.
If the darkness feels too heavy tonight, please reach out. To me, to a crisis line, to anyone who can sit with you in it. You shouldn’t have to carry this alone.
We are here. We’ll take this one breath at a time.
Hey @Ale, I’ve been reading what you shared, and I just want to say — it takes a lot of strength and vulnerability to put all that into words. I can really feel how much you love your parents, and how deeply you’re trying to understand them — even while you’re hurting. That kind of compassion takes so much maturity. But I also want to say something clearly: just because someone has been through pain doesn’t make it okay for them to pass that pain onto you.
You’re not a disgrace. You’re someone who’s been carrying more than anyone your age should have to — juggling fear, confusion, love, pressure, and loneliness — and still doing your best to be the “good kid.” That’s not weakness. That’s survival. That’s strength.
From what you said, it seems like your mum can swing from anger to guilt-tripping to emotional breakdowns — without really explaining her feelings. And when someone keeps changing the rules, it becomes impossible to feel safe expressing your own emotions. You’re left guessing, walking on eggshells. That’s not a healthy environment — and it makes sense if you’re exhausted by that unpredictability.
I wonder — when did you first feel like you had to be the peacekeeper in your family?
I ask because a lot of people in emotionally chaotic homes get forced into that role way too early, trying to soothe conflict, keep things calm, or protect younger siblings. Sometimes we don’t even notice how much of ourselves we put aside to avoid triggering others. You deserve to reflect on when that began — and whether it was ever really your job.
And do you remember the moment when you stopped feeling safe enough to speak up at home?
That moment — or even just that growing silence — matters. It can help make sense of why expressing your needs or emotions now feels like a risk instead of a right. You might not have had the space to feel like your words were worth hearing — but they are.
Also, I really want to ask: what do you need right now — not what others think you should need, but what you honestly wish someone would say or do for you?
For example, is it just someone who listens and doesn’t try to “fix” things? Or maybe a space where you don’t have to explain yourself or be strong? Sometimes knowing what we long for helps us find little ways to get it — even if just through music, writing, or one safe friend.
When you talked about your mum threatening to pull you from church, that really stood out. Church sounds like a place you actually feel connected — something that brings you comfort or peace. It must be terrifying to feel like even that is at risk. Is there someone at church who’s been kind or stable — like a youth leader, a mentor, or an older friend? Someone you might feel okay talking to or even just staying in touch with? Even small moments of support like that can help hold you up when everything else feels like it’s falling apart.
I’m not asking these things to make you revisit everything that hurts — I just want you to know that your experiences deserve to be seen, and your voice deserves space. You don’t have to earn the right to be heard. You’re not being “ungrateful” for feeling overwhelmed — you’re someone who’s been carrying pain that was never meant to be yours alone.
You’ve been doing your best in a really difficult situation — and that matters, even if it often goes unnoticed. You don’t have to have it all together to deserve support. If you ever need a space to share or vent, we’re here 
