Distressing about my life situation

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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I’ve been spiraling down a rabbit hole of emotions lately, getting harassed (sort of) for reporting a classmate for talking to a girl younger than him sexually and the girl didn’t feel comfortable, so now I’ve been called an NPCC prostitute and all and most people has told me to not care about what he says but it still bothers me for some apparent reason, I told my teacher about it but they aren’t doing anything because I suppose that boy is a “special needs kid” that has AA in exams but I don’t see how that’s relevant. Then this affected me emotionally and I started to drown myself through talking and making new friends online, which was great, as my mental health started to improve, but my grades were on a slow decline, with my maths hitting the hardest. I made up my mind to study on it but never had motivation to, and I continued procrastinating until my father stepped in and demanded I get my grades up within the span of 5 day, scolding me whenever I made mistakes and ridiculing me, “When you can’t solve maths what do you do? PLAY MORE GAMES LAH! YOU ALWAYS DO THAT RIGHT?”… Backtrack a little 3 years ago when I was P4, my mother, brokedown, snapped and tried to grab a knife to kill me (I forgot what the situation was) and just recently last year March, she snapped again and was close to killing me but my father managed to tackle her down. My father claims she doesn’t have depression but I can see it and so can everyone. I got blamed for everything after each incident “You see, your mother came close to taking her life because of YOU” (Her life? She wass close to killing me?!) The one in March was started because I was taking a long time to do laundry ( I wanted to change but we were going out again so I changed back to outside clothes) and my father got pissed off and started scolding me to which my mother reacted and snapped causing this. Now, I really feel like snapping and screaming at them about my feelings, but I knoow it’ll all turn into my fault again because that;s just how they are. My father plans on taking my phone away if I failed maths, which is a guarranteed because I recently got my papers back and I’m failing (I’m not addicted, I’m fine if he did, I just really want to talk to my friends) I really want to know if my situation’s normal, I really don’t want to seek my school counsellers cuz they’ll just parrot it out to my parents and they’ll cane me for “hanging our dirty laundry to the public”, I’ve been trying to stop self-harming but I’ve just been really overwhemed atm as I don’t know what to do. My entire life, friends, are only contactable through my phone and I know my father would sell my phone off if I told him I failed. I really really hate being in this family as he tried to erase my emotions stating it as “teenage angst” and “females are more emotional” like what? Me and my little sister has been condtitioned not to cry if we’re scolded or when we are caned because "they’ll give us something to cry about . Please, someone, anyone, tell me what I can do without involving my parents

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Hi @Kanade,

First, I want to let you know that how incredibly brave you are for sharing your story. You’re carrying so much weight right now—emotional harassment at school, academic pressure, family violence, and the fear of losing your only support system (your friends). It’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed. None of this is your fault, and your feelings are valid.

  1. Safety First:

    • You mentioned self-harm and your mother’s violent outbursts. If you ever feel in immediate danger (from yourself or others), please reach out to a trusted adult outside your family (e.g., a teacher, relative, or even emergency services if needed).
    • If you’re in Singapore you can contact:
      • TOUCHline (1800-377-2252) for counselling.
      • SAMH Helpline (1800-283-7019) for mental health support.
      • Tinkle Friend (1800-274-4788) if you’re under 18 and need a safe space to talk.
    • These services are helpful for you to reach out.

  2. School Counsellors & Trust:

    • You’re right to worry about confidentiality. In Singapore, while counsellors generally encourage family involvement, they should not break your trust if you explicitly say you fear retaliation (e.g., caning). You can ask them upfront: “If I share something, will you tell my parents? I’m scared of being punished.”
    • If you don’t trust them, lean on your online friends for now—they seem to be a lifeline for you.

Coping with Your Family Situation

  • Your parents’ behavior is NOT normal or okay. Threatening violence, blaming you for their actions, and dismissing your emotions are forms of emotional abuse. Your mother’s instability (knife incidents) is especially serious—this is not your fault, no matter what they say.
  • Survival Strategies:
    • Avoid Escalation: You’re right that screaming might backfire. Instead, can you write a letter to your parents (even if you don’t give it to them)? It could help you process your feelings.
    • Grey Rock Method: When your father scolds you, respond minimally (e.g., “Okay,” “I’ll try”) to avoid giving him emotional fuel.
    • Safe Spaces: Spend time outside home (library, school) to reduce exposure to toxicity.

Grades & Phone Threat

  • Realistically: If failing maths is unavoidable, prepare for the phone loss. Can you:
    • Save your friends’ contacts elsewhere (e.g., email, a physical paper)?
    • Use a school/library computer to stay in touch?
    • Ask a trusted friend to relay messages?
  • Long-Term: Once you’re safe emotionally, you can rebuild grades. Survival comes first.

Self-Harm & Emotional Overwhelm

  • You’re trying to stop self-harm—that’s huge. Try alternatives:
    • Scribble on paper until it tears.
    • Hold ice cubes in your hands (intense cold can distract from emotional pain).
    • Text/call a friend when urges hit.

Final Reminders:

  • You are not alone. This is not your fault.
  • Your emotions matter. Being called “too emotional” is a way to control you—it’s not true.
  • There are people who will believe you. Even if it’s not your school counsellor, keep reaching out (like you did here).

Would you like help brainstorming ways to stay connected to friends if your phone is taken? Or would you prefer focusing on coping strategies for home? We are here to listen.

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so sorry about your family’s situation :frowning: its not right that youre in a unhealthy environment as a kid :((( I really admire your strength in continuing to do whats good for yourself amidst all the challenges you face. From what you’ve shared, you’re a person with kind and brave heart, standing up for your friend (despite the consequences you then have to face >< and you also know how to do your best in coping by making new friends (social support is so so impt!!)! so just wanna highlight that for you to know youre doing great so far with the cards youre dealt!!!
about your family.. >< I know Limitless (https://www.limitless.sg/) offers counselling services to youths without the need for parental involvement, I think that may be a good option to consider? When violence is involved in your scenario, I think its really impt to seek support from other trusted adults who can possibly take actions for your safety - can you think of anyone who may be able to help in your life?
Abt your question, I think its really really hard to do something without ultimately involving your parents since they sound to be the cause to your concerns… and i understand how you feel not wanting to involve them when youre on your own, so as an online friend to you, like i would with my friends irl, I would strongly encourage seeking safe professional support towards approaching this!!! if you want to speak to a counsellor for a try to start off, can also consider using this 24/7 chat with counsellors: https://mindline.sg/home?kr-tool-id=default
sending you love and strength here!!! come back anytime, we are here to listen :people_hugging:

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Hey, first of all — I’m really sorry you’re going through all this. What you’ve shared is not normal, and none of it is your fault. You did the right thing reporting that classmate, and it sucks that you’re being treated badly for it. It makes total sense that you’re overwhelmed — anyone would be.

What’s happening at home isn’t okay either. Being blamed, threatened, or hurt — that’s abuse. And you don’t deserve that, no matter what your parents say. You’re not being dramatic or emotional — you’re reacting like any human would.

If you can, please try reaching out to someone safe outside your family — like a helpline (some are anonymous), or a teacher or adult you trust. You can even write it down if speaking is too hard. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Here are some support services in Singapore you can contact any time — you don’t have to give your name:

Emergency Resources (Singapore):
• SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767
• SOS WhatsApp Chat: 9151 1767
• IMH 24-hour Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222
• mindline.sg Helpline: 6389 2222
• mindline.sg Online Chat: https://mindline.sg

Even just talking to someone can make things feel less heavy. You deserve that.

And if your phone gets taken, maybe try hiding or borrowing an old one so you can stay in touch with friends even when your phone is confiscated. You need people who care about you right now.

You’re strong for still trying. We’re here if you want to talk more. :yellow_heart:

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Hi OP,

Thank you for sharing your story. Forgive for being mean to your parents, but I strongly hate how they are treating. It’s not normal at all, and it’s physically and emotionally abusive. I’m truly sorry that you’re put in such a turbulent environment. Your mum and dad are not meant to be parents.

For your question, I feel that the previous replies have given out many resources you can try to reach out. I am in whole agreement that you should reach out to any professional or trusted adults about your current situation. You deserve to have a safe environment, and I do hope that you’ll get through it.

For your phone situation, you can tell your friends that your phone might be taken away and that you will remain uncontactable; this is so at least they will know about your circumstance. I’m thinking you can maybe use emails, so then you can use the school/library computer to keep in contact.

I wish you the best, OP. It’s a really tough situation you’re in. You deserve safety and comfort.

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I had a professional telling me to report to NAVH or she’ll report, I’ve reported and honestly I’m just waiting for their reply…life still been tough, my father’s been ridiculing me these past week, in sch I’m treated like ■■■■ and coming home even more ■■■■…

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