hello kind people. as stated in the title
my friend rants about their family quite a bit. im alright with providing a listening ear occasionally. however, the rants are getting repetitive and more intense right now and i dont have much mental capacity to deal with it; im dealing with my own academic stress and anxieties as well. as we’re two different human beings afterall, i dont know and may not agree with what theyre thinking or feeling. there are times i dont agree with whatever they are ranting but i must still play that supportive friend who gives validation. and it’s tiring la, given how im also overwhelmed too
after thinking about it for awhile, i feel that what the friend needs is professional family therapy, so that they can work things out and leave harmoniously.
i totally understand how sensitive family matters are. so how do i bring that up?
Hey @user8973. I get how draining it can be to keep holding space when you’re also under pressure yourself. It doesn’t make you a bad friend to feel this way, okay? It actually show you care enough to think about what might really help them.
When it comes to suggesting therapy, maybe ease into it with curiosity instead of a directive. You can try things like:
- “I care about you and I want to see things get better for you. Have you ever thought about talking to a family therapist or counsellor? They might be able to help in ways I can’t.”
- “I wonder if talking to a family therapist could help, since family stuff can get really heavy. What do you think?”
- “Do you think it might help to talk with someone trained in family stuff? They might have insights I can’t give.”
That way it’s an invitation, not an instruction/pressure.
And remember, it’s okay to set boundaries too. Being a supportive friend doesn’t mean you have to carry everything. Sometimes the kindest and loving thing is pointing them towards the right resources and taking care of your own wellbeing.
Wishing you ease and steadiness as you navigate this. You deserve care too, not just your friend. Be gentle with yourself 
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Its completely normal to feel drained, coz u are an empathic person. from how u are saying… is your friend old or young? I would think younger Gen are more open to speaking to therapists than the boomers. and also u are not professionally trained, u have the right to let the person know to seek help
hi @user8973 ,
I would suggest considering what @ScribblingSunflower has shared.
While you are being a caring friend, you should also focus on yourself. Maintaining a healthy state of mind is very important, and you should not stress yourself whenever possible. All the best! 
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Hi @user8973, I can sense you feel overly drained, having to passively listen to your friend’s family problems. You disagree with some things that are said, yet feel that it’s not right to express your disagreement as you understand that family matters are sensitive.
It’s okay to feel this way. We all have a certain capacity to which we can receive other emotions, anything more and we will feel tired and overwhelmed. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back, and set healthy boundaries about the conversations that you’re having with your friend. You don’t need to take on everything; you can simply just support him as best as you can, without it affecting your own mental well-being. It’s important to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of others.
If you believe that it would be good to direct your friend towards professional family therapy, like @ScribblingSunflower have suggested, you could do this in a manner where it comes across as a curious suggestion rather than as a forceful demand. Like you’ve mentioned, family matters are sensitive, and at the end of the day, you should give your friend the choice to decide on whether to seek professional help.
I think you’re a wonderfully kind person to your friend, and you ought to be kind to yourself too. Hope this helps and don’t ever forget that kindness in your heart! 
hey @user8973, thanks a lot for sharing this. Thanks also for being a great person and listening to your friend even when you’re busy and have your own stresses. Its completely understandable why you’d be feeling overwhelmed especially since you care for your friend and genuinely want to help them, and it’s important to know that you don’t have to carry all their burdens to help them. Supporting them like you are doing right now, while setting healthy boundaries and knowing when to give yourself space is the best way for you to help others while taking care of yourself too. That being said, @ScribblingSunflower mentioned some great ways to suggest help for your friend without forcing it on them, you may want to try it out! Thanks again for being such an empathetic and caring friend. Remember to look after yourself too ok?
Dear @user8973
Thank you for writing in and seeking ways to manage the situation you are in.
I can see how caring and kind you are as a friend. You want to help reduce your friend’s distress and have been providing an unconditional listening ear to support him.
However, over time you have assessed that your friend and his family would benefit from engaging a professional help to effectively manage their issues.
Do consider what @ScribblingSunflower has suggested in approaching the topic of your friend seeking professional help.
I believe even if your friend seeks therapy for himself alone as a start, it will be a good first step for him to better manage his situation. Explore school counselling services if possible.
You fully deserve care and support and your mental health is important as well. In fact, you could speak to the school counsellor too to pick up strategies to cope with academic stress and anxiety.
Share with your friend your experience of speaking to the counsellor, especially if it has helped you. It may spark his curiosity and motivate him to seek help.
Meanwhile do continue reaching out for support from the community here. 
hii, what you’re going through sounds pretty tough 
thanks for sharing!
i understand that it’s pretty hard to give advice without hurting someone’s feelings or making things awkward, but sometimes it’s just what has to be done.
if you don’t think you can manage to tell them on your own, what about getting assistance from a trusted adult, like a teacher or counsellor who could be of better help to your friend? they could provide advice through their experiences, and help relieve you of some burden :3 all the best!!!
@charlottes Ooh are u referring to OP?
@crispycreme Hopefully that person’s family open to that therapy… Some old fashion types dw to talk to outsiders.