its been a week since i received my olevel results. got a raw17 but my eae got revoked just because of a d7 math.. every time i try to look at the bright side but the thought of going to ite just because of a stupid d7 just haunts me. and every day after my olevel results i just know my parents are super disappointed in me , even if they said ‘you still improved from f9’s to b’s and c’s is just your math but we are still proud of you regardless’
but why do i just feel they are still not proud because im not like my siblings who gets a’s and go to jc . they always say i have attitude problem in studying but this time for my olevel i actually tried. i actually tried studying really hard. im tired of crying. im tired of trying. maybe i am just lazy like you said.im sorry mom and dad.
It sounds like you haven’t really had space to let the sadness sit. Each time it shows up, something in you moves quickly to judge it or push it away. When your heart doesn’t feel settled or safe, the mind tends to loop. .
I can also sense how much pressure has been on you, not just from exams, but from expectations and comparisons. When the EAE was revoked, it wasn’t only an academic issue. From what you wrote, it felt like hopes that were placed on you faded, and shame stepped in to take over the conversation about yourself.
The thought “maybe I am just lazy” doesn’t sound like the truth of what happened. It sounds like a harsh explanation that took over when effort didn’t lead to the outcome you hoped for.
There’s also a quiet weight in what you wrote. When you see how much they’ve sacrificed, it can start to feel like your results have to “match” what they gave. When that gap feels too big, love can begin to feel conditional, even if that was never what they intended.
What people do for you doesn’t need to be repaid with grades. Parents often don’t express care well in words. It usually shows in what they continue to do, worrying, providing, staying present even when outcomes aren’t ideal.
Right now, it seems like what you need isn’t more pressure or self-criticism. You need steadier guidance and encouragement, and a place where you don’t have to hold all of this alone.
If things feel overwhelming, you can call 1771 to speak with someone who understands academic and family pressure. You don’t need to have everything figured out before calling. For now, there’s no rush to resolve your future or prove anything today.
Hey, I can really feel how much pain you’re in right now, and I want you to know that it takes a lot of courage to share this here. Losing your EAE over one subject after working so hard must feel incredibly unfair, and I hear how exhausted you are from trying, crying, and feeling like you’re not measuring up to your siblings. But honestly, going from F9s to Bs and Cs is actually a huge improvement, and that shows you really did put in the effort, even if it doesn’t feel like enough right now. You tried, and that matters. I know the disappointment feels heavy, especially when you’re comparing yourself to your siblings, but your path doesn’t have to look like theirs to be valuable. Please keep reaching out here if you’re comfortable doing so. There are people who get it and want to support you through this.
I’m also wondering how you’re taking care of yourself right now. Are you getting enough rest, eating okay, doing anything that helps you feel even a little bit better? And do you have anyone you can talk to about this, like friends, a counsellor, or family members who might understand? If you feel like you need more support beyond what we can offer here, that’s totally okay and actually really important. You deserve to have people in your corner who can help you through this tough time.
I’ve attached a link to community mental health resources, if you require further support.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re feeling makes so much sense, and it sounds incredibly heavy to be carrying day after day.
You didn’t fail because you were lazy. You didn’t fail because you didn’t try. You did try and going from F9s to Bs and Cs doesn’t happen by accident. That’s effort, discipline, and growth, even if one subject ended up pulling everything down in a way that feels cruel and unfair. It’s okay to grieve that. Losing your EAE because of a single grade hurts, and it’s normal that it keeps replaying in your head.
When parents say they’re proud but you feel the disappointment anyway, that can be really confusing and painful. Sometimes their words are genuine, but years of comparison, especially with siblings, make it hard to believe them. That doesn’t mean you’re imagining things or being ungrateful. It means you’ve been measured against a standard that was never kind to you.
You’re tired because you’ve been trying while feeling unseen. You’re crying because this mattered to you. That’s not laziness, that’s someone who cared deeply and got hurt.
Please don’t turn this pain inward and use it to punish yourself. You don’t need to apologise for trying. You don’t need to apologise for not being like your siblings. You are allowed to be different and still be worthy of pride.
Right now, it’s okay to rest. You don’t have to have hope figured out yet. Just know this: one result, one subject, one pathway does not define your entire life , even if it feels like it does right now. You’re not alone in this!! <3