its been almost a year since i graduated secondary school but i still feel very attached to my class and the community there. i guess i kinda only realised how much i appreciated everyone after graduation which in hindsight i should’ve made more memories and more friends. every time i think about the memories i had it does bring pangs of sadness which lasts throughout the day. i guess it kinda also affects how im making friends right now since im in polytechnic. i dont get the same warmth and goofiness in my current class compared to secondary school so i havent really found my own clique yet nor do i feel like i want to continue the friendship with them after poly, just hanging on to the small group of people that i still talk to from secondary school. js need advice on how to get through this so that i also dont make the same mistakes in poly after i graduate as well.
Hey @user_1. Thank you for sharing so openly. Hey, I really get what you’re saying. Leaving secondary school can feel like leaving behind a second family, and it’s normal to miss the inside jokes, the warmth, the feeling that everyone just get each other. Missing it doesn’t mean you didn’t make enough memories. It really means those times were really special to you.
Poly does feel different, and honestly it can take a while before new friendships feel as natural. You don’t have to force yourself to ‘replace’ what you had and it’s okay to still hold on to your sec school friends and also slowly let new bonds form in poly.
And if you think about it, when you first moved from primary to secondary school, there was also uncertainty, hesitation, maybe even doubt but with time, you found your people. The same is possible here too.
And maybe here’s a mindset shift that could help is that most of the best memories don’t feel like “big moments” when they’re happening. Those goofy chats or ordinary class moments in sec school probably felt ordinary at the time, but looking back, they became precious because of who you shared them with and how they made you feel. When it comes to memories, they don’t usually happen because we plan them per se. They show up through little chats, shared struggles, and moments of laughter. Perhaps now in poly, try focusing less on “creating memories” and more on simply being present. Maybe you can start small like join a CCA/interest group where you might meet people who click with you.
What matters is that you already know you value connection, which means you’ll naturally create it again in your own way.
Wishing you patience and courage as you navigate this chapter, and may you stumble upon moments of warmth that surprise you along the way 
Thanks for your kind words and advice! poly does indeed feel different as its not so structured like secondary school anymore and i have more freedom to do what i want. i guess having such freedom also can be quite daunting sometimes ,people all around me being able to thrive and forge new bonds with other people while i can’t .Forging friendships here does feel quite different compared to secondary school. one semester has already past but i don’t feel a connection with anyone yet, furthermore since the people here have a wider variety of interest that they like which doesn’t suit me, i would say it has been rough to try and branch out to new people. Maybe it could be just a me thing and how i changed how i made friends over the years.
Speaking of which, what do you mean by simply being present? how would that help my situation currently?
Hello @user_1! I hear you, and want to say that your concern is very much valid and a common issue as we grow older. I think its super sweet and heartwarming that you continue to have a strong bond with your friends from secondary school till today 
I would say that I experienced something similar as well, going into tertiary education. Something that helped me get over not being able to find people I clicked with was examining how I view friendships. I realised that after a certain stage, not all friends of mine were necessarily the closest. Sometimes, these friends would be by my side only through certain stages of life (e.g. poly days) and we would do everything together! However, after leaving the shared environment, while we would still keep in touch on social media, we would naturally drift apart. While this is definitely upsetting, considering the good times shared, I realised that not all friendships need to be lifelong ones. I think that this shift in perspective made me realise that even seemingly ‘fleeting’ friendships were valuable as we shared pleasant memories and basked in one another’s company. I urge you to keep putting yourself out there as you never know when you will click with someone that matches your personality! Even if they aren’t from your class, it is always good to have one close friend in a shared environment, and it will do wonders for your mental and social well-being. Keep your head up and I wish you best of luck in your endeavours!
Hey @user_1. Thanks for sharing more. I just want to say, it doesn’t sound like “just a you thing.” Moving into poly really is a big shift, and there are people who take longer than they expect to find their footing socially.
When I said “being present,” is that instead of worrying about finding your clique or forcing big friendships, you focus on the small things you can do right now that let you connect with others bit by bit. Just take it one small connection at a time, even if it’s taking a while.
It can also help to focus on things you enjoy or are curious about, like joining a CCA or interest group. That way, you meet people who share at least one thing in common with you, and it’s easier to start a chat or bond over shared experiences. Doing these things doesn’t have to be about becoming best friends immediately, it’s about giving yourself chances to meet people, show up, and feel more comfortable around others. Over time, those small moments add up
Dear @user_1
Thank you for writing in and sharing nice and fond memories of your secondary school days, with friends who were fun, goofy and got along well with you. Unfortunately the school time with them has ended and many among the group including you, have moved on to poly.
It’s fully understandable to wish you had spent more time with them at that time in school to build special memories.
May I suggest:
a)to build new treasured memories with your secondary school friends by holding regular meet up with them. Be fully involved and savour the occasion and time together with your tribe. This way, you will grow even more pleasant memories and also your own support network . Our positive memories encourage us to keep going, affirm we matter and remind us we belong.
b) keep an open mind on meeting new friends while you acknowledge missing the old group. We can’t go back to the past but we can certainly work towards a more enjoyable future journey. Endeavour to find another tribe; this time in poly. For example, do join a speciaL interest group or sport team so that you can share your passion of a common interest with the new group of poly friends. I believe they can add another dimension to your life, enriching it further.
c)be mindful of your thoughts, and feelings and actions by practicing daily meditation. This can help you be fully present.
Over time, I am confident that your circle of friends who are genuine, supportive and reliable can deepen in the quality of the interactions. You fully deserve this so keep taking small steps in that direction. 