I want to start over and be better but I am a person who always self sabotage and can’t ever stay committed to things I’ve started and ended up running away and hide when things get hard ever since I was a kid, for like example I know I should do this and this to have a better future but I always ended up giving up and quitting even before anything happens, perhaps it all started because when I was a kid, I thought to myself that why should I try so hard when even though I try so hard to be good and fast at things, I always failed and was still slow no matter what so I stopped trying and being dyslexic, being bullied and excluded in my schooling years perhaps also contributed to this problem I’ve yet to overcome till now
Hi Wira,
I can sense that growing up you must be feeling alone, and lonely. As a child you were struggling with dyslexia which likely will impact your learning from a very young age. Being bullied and ostracized in your schooling years likely have shaped a negative schema of yourself, for instance : **“**no matter how hard I try , I won’t succeed”.
I hear that you have goals of what you want to do. Many times, you started working on your goal well, but when going gets tough you began to self-sabotage (i.e. stopped and ran away from what you were working on). Thus for many years you found yourself unable to achieve anything - no success.
Your Self-sabotage likely is due to the fear of not able to succeed. Growing up, not able to succeed has been a recurrent experience for you, and it is so painful to go through them over and over again. Nevertheless, if you calm down and look into the past “unsuccessful” attempts, you might notice that these attempts were unsuccessful was not because you did badly, but likely it’s because you abandoned the job halfway through. If so, then you probably have to work on staying with the fearful feeling and persist to the end. Fear is uncomfortable, but if we sit quietly with it, the sensation will gradually peak, and then disappear.
Keep in mind that unfortunate experiences were your past, it doesn’t define who you are, it prepares you.
A few simple steps that may help you to prepare yourself to face the discomfort of being persistent.
- Practice emotional regulation, and slow breathing. You may want to try this link Mindfulness Practice - Self-Care Exercises
- Think of a positive thought which can encourage you to stay on the job to the end. Something you believe in and say it to yourself at least twice everyday.
- Imagine yourself a runner heading towards the finishing line. Will you stop if you have already ran half the race ? It doesn’t matter how long you would take, it doesn’t matter if you would win the race, but being able to reach the finishing line is a wonderful feeling. It tells you that : “I can do it”.
- Read books on how successful people motivate themselves.
Hope my sharing helps. Take Care.