I Really Want To Change But I Always Self-Sabotage And Avoid Things When I'm Afraid And Don't Want To Face My Problems

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I’m a 19 year old who got diagnosed with Dyslexia when I was 8 or 9 year old and got diagnosedwith diabetes when I was 7(this too affected me greatly but not as much as being dyslexic) but I know that there’s something wrong with me ever since kindergarten so growing up I always depend too much on others and that I didn’t believe I can try doing things alone, plus I have a low self esteem and a fear of trying because I know I will fail and I always believed that I was stupid or too slow because of the people around me and it also didn’t help that I was bullied partially because of it since in kindergarten and primary school that it made me think in primary school why did I even bother trying when I can’t do it anyway so I stopped trying especially in maths and the only time I think I ever had tried my hardest was during the psle examination because of a science teacher who taught me maths, I’ll never forget that teacher, he believes in me that I can do it even when I myself believe that I can’t passed my psle, he even called me the morning before the math exams even though he was in the hospital (because he was really sick) and then he called me again(still in the hospital) when I got my psle results to tell me that he always know that I can do it and now it’s almost been 7 years since I graduated from primary school and almost 3 years since I graduated secondary schoo(secondary school was great but it was also where my attendance got worse) and I still carry the beliefs that I am stupid, too slow, lazy, nothing without others so I do what I do best, I run away from my problems and avoid them when I don’t know what to do plus many other issues that I deal with in schools and at home, it is also why I hated schools it always make me feel like I didn’t fit in hence why I always didn’t come to school often(I’ve had bad attendance in all my schooling years) but now that I am turning 20 next year, I desperately want to change, its been almost 3 years of me wasting my life away since I graduated from secondary school and now I don’t want to live my life in fear and regrets till the day I die

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Hi @Wira

Thank you for sharing with us your concerns and struggles. I’m truly sorry to hear about the challenges you’ve faced, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. It sounds like you’ve encountered significant obstacles, from being diagnosed with dyslexia and diabetes at a young age to grappling with low self-esteem, fear of failure, and bullying throughout your school years.

Your perseverance, especially during the PSLE examination, and the support you received from that caring teacher are truly commendable. I can see that you have inner strength and resilience, even though you may not always recognize it.

I want to encourage you, taking steps to want to change and no longer live in fear and regret is a powerful decision! It’s so important for you to acknowledge that your feelings are valid, and seeking support is a crucial part of this journey. Have you considered reaching out to professionals, such as counselors or therapists, who can provide guidance and support as you navigate through these challenges?

I understand that it is really difficult for you to go through all these struggles and we want you to receive the help you need. I would highly recommend that you try to speak to a mental health professional so that you can have the chance to work on your emotions and process your struggles together with someone who can hold a safe space for you.

I truly believe that change can happen for your life, and you are the only one who can bring the change! For change to happen, you would need to do something differently - right? :slight_smile: Perhaps the next best step is really to speak to a mental health professional to explore what are some of your options, and to learn some wonderful strategies to help you cope with these struggles for the time being while processing your struggles.

I would highly suggest speaking to an external counsellor since the school has not been a safe space for you. You could try Family Service Centres (affordable or free!) or even an online option here:

Additionally, I would also suggest setting small, achievable goals for yourself - this can be a helpful way to gradually build confidence and work towards positive change. Sometimes, celebrating even the smallest victories along the way can make a significant impact on your self-esteem :slight_smile:

Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and there are people and resources available to support you on your journey toward a more fulfilling and empowered life.

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