I don’t know what to title this

Hangouts Rants
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Tw: sh

This is my very last attempt at trying to reach out to somewhere. I don’t know who to turn to in my life, I’ve been living everyday shutting out everyone because I don’t want them to know what’s going on with me but its a breaking me down slowly inside. I’ve been diagnosed with a few mental health disorders and have been trying to live with it for a few years, but I can’t withstand the lows anymore. Everyday I feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole and it’s so draining. It’s taking away all my energy and ability to function normally. I can’t bring myself to go about doing things that people do everyday, and now im currently schooling in poly but im really behind because I have no motivation anymore. I cope using sh and have been for 3 years but lately it feels like it isn’t enough. I tried seeking help, tried talking and tried to cope healthily but I always end up where I started. I’m constantly getting berated for not submitting work or not turning up for classes but im constantly fighting a battle within myself on wether I want to be here, living and breathing, wether what I do in my life has any meaning and if staying here will ever bear some fruit for me. I have tried, I have always tried, to make safe decisions but im tired, I don’t know how to be here if being here means this constant black hole in my chest sucking up everything that brings some semblance of living to me. When I cut I don’t feel that relieved feeling anymore, my mind can only run to death as a solace. I dont want to die, but I want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop feeling like im constantly fighting a war in my head and losing. I want to stop being so unproductive, being unable to function. I want to live and feel like the people around me but I can’t. I’m here but I don’t feel alive. I’m breathing but I feel like there’s a lack of air in my lungs. I feel a crushing weight stomping me out and hoping I’ll just take the way out and leave this world. What is to live when all I feel is constant sadness like a companion I do not want. I want to get out of this I want to feel better but I don’t know how to anymore.

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Hey @Leah how are you coping at this moment now ? You are strong for coping this long! Sounds like you might be going though some serious stuff that you might not be able to face alone :disappointed_relieved: What happened previously wheh you spoke to your friends, family and professionals?

Keep living okay you are still young and have a long run way to go. Things may be uncertain and tough now but when you are down the only way is up sometimes you just need an extra boost from the people around you!

Feel free to post here or ask anything im here to listen! :muscle:

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Hi @Leah

I’m glad you reached out. It takes immense courage to share your struggles, and I acknowledge your pain.

It’s clear that you’re facing overwhelming challenges with your mental health, and it’s affecting various aspects of your life. I want you to know that you’re not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

Firstly, please know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, sad, and struggling to cope. Your mental health disorders are not a sign of weakness, and seeking help is a sign of strength.

Regarding your coping mechanisms, I understand that self-harm (SH) might have provided temporary relief in the past, but it’s clear that it’s no longer sufficient. I strongly encourage you to explore alternative coping strategies, such as:

  1. Mindfulness and meditation
  2. Creative expression (art, music, writing)
  3. Physical activity (exercise, sports)
  4. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional

It’s essential to address the underlying issues driving your feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. I recommend seeking professional help from a mental health expert, such as a counsellor. They can help you:

  1. Develop healthier coping mechanisms
  2. Work through underlying issues
  3. Improve your mental health and well-being

In terms of your education, consider speaking with your school counsellor or a trusted teacher about your struggles. They may be able to offer support, accommodations, or referrals to help you manage your workload and stay on track.

Remember, you don’t have to face this alone. There are people who care about you and want to help.

If you’re in immediate crisis or need urgent support, please reach out to:

IMH
IMH’s mental health hotline for those facing mental health crisis.
6389 2222
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
SOS operates a 24-hour hotline to provide emotional support for those in facing crisis or suicide risk
1800 221 4444

Keep in mind that recovery is possible, and there is hope for healing and growth. You fully deserve to live a fulfilling life. We want to support you on this journey.:heart:

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Hi @Leah,

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s incredibly brave of you to reach out and share your struggles, and I would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge that. :blush:

Please know that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to seek help. You’re not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to support you. It’s important to reach out to a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life who can help you navigate these feelings and find a path towards healing.

Here are some resources that you can visit to seek help, advice, or just a listening ear:

IMH CHAT: https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx

Youth Integrated Team: SupportGoWhere

CREST - Youth: SupportGoWhere

mindline.sg Service Wayfinder: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore

SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767

Singapore Association for Mental Health Hotline: 1800-283-7019 (9am – 6pm on weekdays, except public holidays)

Institute of Mental Health Hotline: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

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I’ve tried to seek help. I do see a professional from IMH but he completely dismisses everything that I say and feel. All he does is up the doses and prescribe more. Even when I od on the meds he gives, he doesn’t stop and just gives more. It’s making me feel numb and emotionless. I tried communicating with my school, I took a break and came back but the teachers tell me how they’re so busy but still manage to accomplish everything so why can’t I do the same. I can’t keep going on like this, every outlet I turn to is a dead end. Everywhere is stigma and it makes me feel ashamed to say that I am struggling mentally. There is no end to this

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Hi @Leah,

Would you be comfortable sharing more about your experience at IMH and how it made you feel dismissed? I’m sorry to hear that it was unpleasant for you.

If you do require someone to journey with you in your recovery stage, do let me know and we can try to work something out. :slightly_smiling_face:

Danial
Befriender, Let’s Talk by mindline.sg

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Thank you for replying :face_holding_back_tears::face_holding_back_tears: sometimes the world feels so isolating you can forget there are people there who are not so cruel. I kind of ostracised myself from my friends as I had one encounter where I was extremely suicidal and confided in my friends, who told me if I really wanted to die, then I should just go and kill myself in a sure way. They even gave me suggestions on how I should do it. So I kind of learnt from there that it’s better not to share about my mental health struggles unless I can remain anonymous. Not everyone will know how to respond… which kind of leads to alot of suppression? And it builds up so much that I have no choice but to just explode it out. My family dynamics are really strained, they’re not the best people I could go to, so it’s left me at a dead end. Sometimes I really wished people knew more about mental health instead of stigmatising it… lol…

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It can be incredibly hurtful when the people you trust respond in such a cruel and insensitive way. It’s understandable that this has made you hesitant to share your struggles with others. Suppressing your feelings can indeed lead to a buildup of emotions, making it even harder to cope. It’s important to find a safe space where you can express yourself without fear of judgment or rejection.

It’s also tough when family dynamics are strained, leaving you feeling like you have nowhere to turn. Remember, there are people who understand and care about mental health. Seeking support from a mental health professional can provide you with a safe and confidential environment to talk about your feelings. You deserve to be heard and supported, and there are resources out there (like the ones I’ve posted in the previous reply) to help you through this difficult time.

In the meantime, feel free to reach out as and when you need it. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I’ve been seeing this psych from IMH for about 2-3 years? At first I didn’t trust him so I didn’t tell him much, but over time when I learnt I wanted to get better I tried to open up. He knew I was in active self harm and made multiple attempts but he used to just say things like “ahh okay” and tht was kind of it. Previously my appointments used to be really near each other because I was unstable. Now they’re 6 months apart and have been for some time. Within the 6 mths I’d get hospitalised for attempts or sh and they’d make me go back to see this psych but he seems like he doesn’t care. Ask me to take meds and sleep more. Our appointments don’t last more then 15 min and he’ll just prescribed medication for everything that I say, and when I overdosed on them he’d give them back to me at a higher dosage even though he knows my body can’t take those meds anymore… so I stopped telling him anything cos it really wasn’t helping, and he never acknowledged the things I was going through or my past childhood trauma. His job, everytime I see him, is to just give me more and more meds and tell me he’ll see me 6mths later.

Last year I od and I didn’t wake up for a few days. I went back to see him after I got discharged. He gave me meds, asked me why. And then said he’ll see me 6 mths later. I’ve given up trying to seek help from him

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Hi @Leah, thanks for replying.

It must be quite hurtful when you felt that your psychiatrist was being uncaring and dismissive. I am wondering if he is aware that you feel this way, or if you have communicated this to him?

Also, what are your thoughts on letting your psychiatrist know about the episodes that you’ve had, and that you would like to receive other forms of help to complement the medication (e.g. psychotherapy)?

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Thank you for responding to me :face_holding_back_tears: actually I have tried to voice out and change psych to another at KKH but I was told they couldn’t do that cos it’s at two different hospitals. I took their word for it I didn’t question. I did go to therapy for 2 years and I stopped sh for a 2-4 mths, and I picked up some better coping skills but I’ve been in a downhill slide recently. Self harming again was like opening a dam, remembering how it felt like to cut in a cycle of hurt and relief. It’s hard to get out of it now because nothing works the same as sh does. Also all these are really costly and im living independently, working and schooling so I can’t really afford to go back to therapy :sweat_smile:

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Hi @Leah, if you have concerns regarding the cost of seeking mental health treatment, you may wish to visit the Youth Integrated Team (YIT) or the Youth Community Outreach Team (CREST-Youth). YIT and CREST-Youth services are fully funded by the government and there is no out-of-pocket cost.

You may find more information on the programmes here:

SupportGoWhere (YIT)

SupportGoWhere (CREST- Youth)

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hi @Leah, thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly and openly with all of us, it mustn’t have been easy

it sounds really hurtful to have your concerns dismissed by your friends and your psychiatrist, but i want to emphasise that regardless of what people say, that doesn’t reflect your value or the validity of your concerns… youre strong for keeping on going and reaching out for help and it really shows how resilient you are

would you consider asking for a different psychiatrist and being referred for therapy within imh? there are also other community services that offer free/subsidised therapy services i think others have shared! you deserve to have your needs met and get the healthcare you need

i can personally understand the experiences of sh being dismissed by others and professionals and if you need someone to talk to im happy to listen and share (here or over pm whatever you prefer) it’s really not easy and i find your resilience really admirable

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No worries heh wah I can see how thats not so helpful :disappointed_relieved: Take your time with these things okay there are many outlets to talk about what you are going thru likee here or there are some discord servers and support groups that may provide a better and safer environment to talk about these things too :relieved: like I have someone close to me that goes to the The Resilience Collective where people share their struggles and all round just have a space to talk. There are others too like Clam Circles by the Calm Collective

Don’t give up okay! Hope these helps :muscle: If anything theres always an outlet for you here :blush:

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Hi, ive recovered from depression. I think for ur case if possible, take a LOA n spend that year on really getting better. Try everything to recover in that year. Find things u like, find frens to hang out w, continue therapy n exercise. I dont know how many or whats ur mental illnesses but i guess just one step at a time