I have been having issues with my friend group lately. However I have no clue on why I am having problems with them. They say I’ve done something wrong, but REFUSES to elaborate…I can’t remember anything that I’ve done wrong to them. I can’t live on like this. What am I going to do without them…I am seated beside most of them during lessons. I am dreading going to school on Monday. Why must this happen during the most important period of the year?? I have no idea what I’ve done wrong, everyone in the group refuses to tell me where I’ve gone wrong, this is driving me crazy. I don’t want to forget anymore..it hurts and it’s not even funny anymore. I just wish they’d tell me..
Hi @flowingguava,
What’s happening now sounds really painful for you and being left out without any explanation of what is happening or what you did is really unfair.
Before anything else, when you say you “can’t live on like this”, I just want to check in. Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself, or is it more that you’re feeling overwhelmed and dreading what’s ahead?
On the friendship side, I’m wondering if you can reach out to whoever you’re closest to in the group, one-on-one, and just say something like “I really don’t know what I did wrong and I really want to understand.” Sometimes, one-on-one tends to get more honest responses than in a group setting.
Is there anyone outside this friend group you can lean on right now? Like maybe your family, other friends, or your school counsellor?
I had personally spoken to one of my friends in the friend group one on one text message as no one wanted to talk to me in public and she refuses to give any info. I have thoughts of hurting myself, but that’s normal for me. I don’t act them out though. I have friends that I can lean on but I just feel so distressed that even their comfort doesn’t get to me. I hate panicking. The person I am closest to in the friend group has no idea what is happening as she was sick on the day it happened, I am not sure what she’ll do when she comes back.
I want to gently stay with what you said about thoughts of hurting yourself feeling “normal.” Even if you’re not acting on them, please don’t brush past it, okay? When we’re already overwhelmed, those thoughts can feel heavier than usual. If things get harder to manage, do reach out to Samaritans of Singapore (1767 or WhatsApp at 9151 1767) or your school counsellor.
On the friendship side, do you think that the fact that your closest friend wasn’t even there when it happened is possibly a good thing? She might be the one person who can hear you out without having already formed an opinion. I think it might be worth reaching out when she’s back.
And it makes sense that even your other friends’ comfort isn’t fully landing right now. You’re in the middle of something unresolved, and comfort doesn’t always cut through that kind of anxiety. That’s not a sign something is wrong with you.
How have you been doing recently, after all of this?
This conflict has thought me a lot of things, if they decide to cut me off just like that, I can’t do anything about it. Friends come and go. I have tried clarifying and solving the problem. However, they refuse to resolve the conflict with me. I owe them nothing, for I am always alright with them. It is their problem if they still hold a grudge on me and refuses to solve it. I don’t need to please people anymore, I am free. :DD But I still feel a little bit of lingering hurt as they are probably talking behind my back but their words have no power, it is pointless. As for my close friend, though she and I remain on good terms, she is spending lesser time with me now, but it’s alright, at least she’s not angry at me! I hope I will get better everyday from now on! I do miss having friends though! Can’t wait to graduate.
Hey @flowingguava! This is such a shift from where you were a week ago, and it’s genuinely good to read. The clarity that you’ve found is actually a really healthy place to land.
It makes sense that there’s still some lingering hurt. You can know something is pointless and still feel it. Those two things can exist at the same time, and it doesn’t undo the progress you’ve made this past week.
About your close friend spending less time with you, I’m glad you’re holding that lightly. And “at least she’s not angry at me” is honestly a reasonable thing to feel good about right now.
I’m here rooting for you as you head toward graduation! Take care of yourself in the meantime. 